


This Beautiful Life

by fadetomorrow



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-27
Updated: 2019-12-26
Packaged: 2021-02-24 16:13:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 43,017
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21980725
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fadetomorrow/pseuds/fadetomorrow
Summary: Chanyeol, an extremely successful but overworked account manager living in New York has just broken up with his boyfriend and promptly goes through a quarter-life crisis. The solution, of course, is to take a spontaneous 2-week trip halfway around the world to the Korean countryside.(or: a chankai "the holiday" au)
Relationships: Kim Jongin | Kai/Park Chanyeol
Comments: 38
Kudos: 374
Collections: Round 3: Autumn and Winter - On the Snow





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> **Prompt Flake:** 520  
>  **Author's Note:** I absolutely love, _love_ The Holiday and have always wanted to write an fic based on it, so when I saw this prompt I felt my calling, especially when the requested pairing was also one of my favorites. Some parts of this I plucked straight out of the movie, but a lot of it strays and I hope it's able to stand on its own. To the OP (and everyone), I hope you enjoy!
> 
> Thank you to T for beta-ing and thank you mods for running a great fest and being so nice about my tardiness haha.
> 
> Happy holidays, everyone! ♥~~~

Everyone knew Mondays were the worst, but Chanyeol didn't understand why today was competing to be such a shitty one in particular.

"Shouldn't we talk about this in person?" he said, keeping his phone wedged between his ear and shoulder as he dug through his pockets for the keys.

_"There isn't much to talk about. It's nothing you did."_

"Are you really trying to pull the 'it's not you, it's me' excuse? Do you think we're in a soap opera? Do you think we're sixteen years old?" He wrenched the door open, giving it a sharp shove with his shoulder. Their apartment wasn't even old, it was one of those new luxury developments that went up two years ago, but trust the hasty construction to leave behind barely usable doors.

_"Chanyeol… Look, I have to go. I'm sorry."_

"Michael? _Michael._ Break up with me to my face, asshole!"

The line went dead and Chanyeol resisted the urge to launch his phone across the room, if only because he'd just gotten it a month ago. He settled for cursing at the screen instead, which stared back at him with a photo of him and the asswipe who just broke up with him after weeks of avoiding his calls.

"If you're going to sulk and wallow, could you at least do it in your room with the door closed?"

Chanyeol kicked his shoes off and stomped into the living room. His roommate, Sehun, was on the couch clipping his toenails. "Could _you_ please do that in _your_ room?"

"You know this room gets the most sun," Sehun said, sticking his tongue out in concentration.

"It's night time," Chanyeol said and flopped into the seat next to him and shoved a pillow against his face, yelling into it.

"I kept telling you he was garbage," said Sehun. "Told you to break up with him months ago."

Chanyeol revealed his face so he could properly shoot over a glare. "Really? He gives me the 'it's not you, it's me' and you're doing the 'I told you so'?"

"Why would I change one of the core pillars of my personality of being right just to make you feel better?"

"You're so annoying."

"What did I say from the very beginning? Don't trust Asian guys with white people names."

"That's a stupid rule you made up after dating one guy who, like his fratbro namesake, was a jerk. One data point doesn't mean anything."

"Two data points now that you're also newly single."

Chanyeol hated when Sehun made an argument that was asinine and not worth refuting out of principle, but keeping silent meant Sehun took it as a victory. He couldn't win either way.

"At least the guy waited until after your birthday," said Sehun, barely looking apologetic when a stray clipping landed on Chanyeol's arm.

Chanyeol flung it off like he was burnt. "Dude, can you at least do this over a waste bin? Also don't bring that up."

"What, the fact that you're 30 now?"

"I just said not to!"

"I don't get why you're so freaked out," said Sehun, finally putting the nail clippers away. "You made it through the worst unknown. Your hairline didn't suddenly recede in the middle of the night."

"That's not what I — okay, fine, a little," said Chanyeol, even though all the men on both sides of his family still had all their hair. "I mean that I'm 30 and have nothing to show for it."

Sehun gave him a look that either meant he thought Chanyeol just said something idiotic or he needed to go number two. Chanyeol was only about 85% sure it was the former.

"You're 30 and you live in Manhattan. Real Manhattan, not like whatever they're trying to make happen over by the river where you have to walk fifteen minutes to the nearest train or, god forbid, take the bus."

"A bunch of people live in Manhattan."

Sehun threw his arms out to gesture around the room. Chanyeol had to concede this one. A lot of people did live in Manhattan, but not in a penthouse two blocks from Central Park. It was the reward for working almost 365 days a year, 12 hour days, for five straight years. It should be an accomplishment, he should be proud, but in those five years he had lost a lot of things too. Mostly, these days, he was just tired, both physically and emotionally, the latter from doing a bunch of mental gymnastics to convince himself it had all been worth it.

"I don't know, okay?" said Chanyeol, giving a weak punch at the throw pillow in his lap. "I just feel stuck."

"Maybe you should finally take a fucking vacation the way I've been telling you to for the past hundred years."

"I don't know how to take a vacation."

Sehun rolled his eyes and grabbed his phone. "You truly disgust me," he said, but nevertheless allowed Chanyeol to invade his personal space and snuggle up.

Chanyeol tucked his head against Sehun's shoulder and watched him flip through no less than 100 browser windows until he made a small victorious noise and pulled up an article. "What's this?"

"Some new startup I was researching. Everyone's doing home rentals, but their spin is home swaps. You fill out a profile of what you're looking for and they match you up and you switch homes for however long. Not as interesting as that show Wife Swap, but very little could ever live up to that era of television greatness."

"And why are you showing me this?"

"Didn't I just say you need a vacation?"

Chanyeol sat up again. "You want me to switch homes with a stranger? What happened to, I don't know, going down to the Caribbean for the weekend?"

"The only way I'm going to get you to take a break is if I make you do my work for me," said Sehun, already going to the site and signing up with Chanyeol's information. "You can provide an unbiased review."

"How legit is this thing?"

"Why? Worried that an app built by some Harvard legacy dropout with his trust fund millions and just enough knowledge of the law to skirt around regulations might have consequences? Nooo, why would you think such a thing?"

Chanyeol snorted. "So much for looking out for my well-being. You just want me to do your grunt work. Don't you have interns for this?"

"What did I just say about unbiased?"

Sehun browsed for a photo of Chanyeol to upload and picked one taken over the summer. A properly pretentious one of Chanyeol at the park with a glass of rosé balanced between his fingers. In the picture, he was smiling, but Chanyeol felt a little like he was looking at a stranger. A doppelganger who actually knew who he was and what he wanted.

"Anyway, it's hardly grunt work when all you have to do is go somewhere for free and specifically not work. Which I realize for you is asking for the impossible, but please try to be more of a likeable human being."

Sehun's fingers flew over the keyboard. He occasionally muttered to himself, biting his lip afterward in thought. Chanyeol stared at his own phone and wondered if he was supposed to feel more upset that he had just broken up with someone not even half an hour ago. They hadn't dated that long. It was only a few months ago that they'd met at one of the many social events Chanyeol's company held, endless evenings of open bar service as a false equivalency reward to the 80+ hours they put in each week. Michael had been one of servers and Chanyeol, in his inebriation, had not cared about staring too openly.

In the end, Chanyeol supposed they had spent more time in his bed than anywhere else. He had offered to find time to go out, but had always been given one reason or another why it was fine for them to just stay in.

"Was I in a friends with benefits thing this whole time?"

Sehun snorted. "I would use the term 'friends' loosely."

Chanyeol frowned.

"Hey, this thing is available internationally," said Sehun, apparently having no other words of support. "Let's send you back to the motherland."

"How in character of you to go from zero to 200 completely unnecessarily." Chanyeol glanced over and sat up. "Wait, you're being serious?" He grabbed for the phone, but Sehun smoothly rolled out of reach. "You're not sending me to Korea!"

"Why not?" said Sehun, nose scrunched up. "You go back every year anyway."

"Exactly?"

Sehun ignored him. "You have a couple of matches," he said, then winced. "Okay, _that_ one looks like it needs an exorcism, but this second one looks quaint."

"Really? Quaint?"

"It's out in the countryside. That'd be good for you. Better than going to some cornfield in the Midwest, that's for sure."

"You know what, fine," said Chanyeol, tired and wanting to say whatever which will let him go to bed. He stood up and what felt like every bone in his body ached. "Send me to the middle of nowhere. Send me to the Sahara if you want or Siberia."

"You being flippant about it won't stop me from doing this."

"Good night, Oh Sehun," said Chanyeol, disappearing down the hall. In his room, he closed the door behind him and leaned against it, sighing heavily. His limbs were heavy and he could probably sleep for a hundred years. He forced himself through the motions of getting ready for bed. Usually he left the curtains open so he could wake up with the sun, but tonight he drew them closed and crawled under the sheets.

Logically, he knew that there was nothing for him to have a crisis about. Thirty wasn't old and he was far from any type of failure. Maybe that was the problem. He's checked off all the milestones, stayed within the lines, never deviated from the path. Maybe he should pick the opposite of what he might usually do and just see what happened.

He grabbed his phone and messaged Sehun: _do it, send me to the fucking Korean countryside._

_I already did. I know you, remember?_

Sehun was a terrible best friend sometimes, but the rest of the time Chanyeol couldn't imagine anyone better.

+

It caught Chanyeol's boss off-guard when he marched into the office the next day and announced he was taking two weeks off at the end of the month. Which was only a week away. But he assumed what really threw him was that Chanyeol had never taken a day off in his entire career.

That was all the more reason why his leave request couldn't be denied.

So he wrapped up as much as he could on his current projects and leads for the rest of his team to cover while he was out. Then, a week later, was in the lobby of his building waiting for a car to arrive to take him to the airport.

"You know what to do if this guy shows up and is a serial killer," said Chanyeol, opening his backpack for the fifth time to check for his passport.

Sehun rolled his eyes. It was early afternoon, but he was in the same clothes he slept in, hair still a tousled mess. "Yeah, fall over and play dead," he said, then shoved Chanyeol lazily. "Don't worry. I'll be sure not to get killed. Or fall in love. Both are equally—" He stuck his tongue out and gave a shudder.

"This is real life, not the cheesy dramas you keep watching," said Chanyeol, grabbing his bag when his ride pulls up to the curb.

"I know it's real life and tons of men keep falling for me even though I tell them I don't do commitment."

Just don't pull an A Walk to Remember," said Chanyeol, giving Sehun a hug. "See you after Christmas."

"Don't come back unless you're a better man!" Sehun called after him.

Honestly, that's what Chanyeol was hoping for too.

+

Chanyeol forced himself to sleep through most of the flight. He was scheduled to land mid-afternoon, but had to drive another two hours. In the hours he was awake, he people-watched, wondering what the life story was for these strangers around him, if they ever felt as listless as Chanyeol did. If it was ever to the point of flying halfway around the world to find what was missing.

Incheon Airport was bustling when he made it out of customs and immigration. The large sliding doors opened to a throng of people waiting for family and friends. It was the first time Chanyeol had to actually look at the signage and find where the rental car agencies were rather than head for the train into Seoul.

They gave him an average looking sedan, a Korean model of course, but one he'd never heard of. He just needed it to get him from point A to B. The directions to the house were particular. Use the GPS until he reached a small town just north of Cheonan and then use the map provided by the owner. Chanyeol wondered just how rural this place was if the GPS couldn't get him there.

The sun was already setting by the time he made it onto the freeway. It probably wasn't a great idea to drive in a different country after flying 14 hours, especially living in a city where he hadn't needed to drive for years. He'd been given public transit directions too, but it would've taken him at least three transfers plus a good deal of walking and that seemed worse than just risking his life and throwing himself into the deep end by driving with the locals. It was touch and go at the start, but soon the traffic thinned out. It was almost nice being behind the wheel again.

He regretted that thought only an hour later.

With the sun gone, the evening seemed impossibly dark. There were street lamps, but Chanyeol was used to night time in New York where half the city was always lit up. At one point, he almost got into an accident just trying to change lanes, forgetting to check his blind spot. He didn't know if his night vision had always been this bad or he actually lost all of his skills.

He spent the rest of the drive in the outside lane, gripping the steering wheel with both hands like an elderly who shouldn't be out on the roads anymore. His shoulders actually ached when he finally pulled off the freeway and he finally relaxed a little. He put his hazards on and stopped off to the side so he could pull up the final directions.

Which didn't seem correct. Because it was a hand drawing. Not even a good drawing. And contained directions like _'turn left after Grandma Yoo's chicken farm'._

Chanyeol rested his head against the steering wheel and took a few deep breaths. This was fine. It just wasn't what he was used to. The directions were simple. He went to an ivy league for fuck's sake, he could do this.

He continued along the single stretch of road. Even with his brights on, the light seemed to be swallowed up by the still darkness. It was so quiet that the gravel under his tires felt thunderous. Suddenly the jokes about getting murdered seemed more applicable to him than Sehun.

Eventually, Chanyeol found the right place. A single story traditional home just outside the village, set on higher ground. Chanyeol had to point his car lights at the house and compare with the photo from the listing to make sure it was correct. It still took him awhile to get out. He killed the engine and just sat there, surrounded by complete silence except for the occasional cricket chirp and wondered just what the hell he'd gotten himself into. He was in the middle of nowhere, not even any other people around from what he could tell. What had he been thinking?

He couldn't bail though. He'd already come this far, literally to the front steps. Plus, he didn't think he'd be able to live down running back home knowing he wasn't able to even last one night here. What would his life be then?

So he forced the door open and forced himself to get out. The air seemed different than when he'd just landed — clearer. It was freezing, however, and Chanyeol grabbed his suitcase from the back and hurried up to the house, pleased when the porch light came on automatically.

His mood brightened again when he got inside and saw the home did actually look quaint in a good way. There wasn't a lot of furniture, but the main room was decorated tastefully in a palette of neutrals. The far wall comprised of a bookshelf which reached almost to the ceiling, each shelf filled to the brim. The kitchen was modest, but enough. Off to the right was the bedroom, just a single bed plus a dresser, but the comforter looked heavy and warm. Chanyeol was more than ready to dive underneath and sleep for 24 hours.

He dug through his suitcase for a set of pajamas, looking forward to a hot shower first. He washed up quickly and was even more exhausted after, but at least felt more like a human being. He did a half-assed job of drying off and crawled into bed while still toweling off his hair. It was going to look absolutely awful in the morning, but Chanyeol didn't care. There was no one around to see him anyway. Every annoying thing he did at home for his job, to get dates, it didn't matter out here.

Warm and toasty under the covers, Chanyeol's mind emptied and he was asleep immediately.

+

The first thing Chanyeol registered was cold. Freezing cold. The second and third thing he processed was that it was barely dawn and there was something else in the room with him. He blearily blinked awake and squinted at the room, annoyed that his bag where he had packed his glasses was still out in the main room. He startled awake with a scream when he realized something was moving just outside the door, only to be answered with a distinct _cluck_.

It was a chicken. A chicken was in the house. A chicken was in the house and headed straight for his room.

Chanyeol scrambled to his feet, nearly falling off the bed completely and braining himself when he got twisted up in the blankets. The chicken came strutting in with the same energy as someone casually dropping into an open house in New York. It barely paid Chanyeol attention and wasn't fazed when Chanyeol shooed at it.

He'd been here less than 24 hours and was going to be kicked out by a bird.

"Get your shit together," Chanyeol muttered to himself. He grabbed the towel he used last night and held it open, stepping gingerly down from the bed. The floor was freezing and he bit back a gasp. He waited for the chicken to become distracted by something outside the window, then lunged.

There was a solid minute of squawking, both from the bird and him, feathers flying loose in the air, but finally Chanyeol got the towel securely around it. He sat on the floor catching his breath, the chicken held out in front of him. It was calm again and didn't seem to care it couldn't move and resumed jerking its head back and forth, surveying its surroundings. Chanyeol didn't even know if chickens had good eyesight.

Chanyeol shivered once he stood up, the cold catching up to him. He quickly made his way to the front door — which was banging against the frame from the wind, explaining how the uninvited guest got in — and very carefully but very quickly set the chicken free, this time making sure to lock the door securely. He stood there, arms crossed tightly over his chest to generate some warmth, watching until the chicken eventually left the yard.

Then he cursed under his breath and went to find out where the controls for the heat was.

There was a panel on the kitchen wall which seemed to be right. It showed the temperature, which right now was barely above freezing. Chanyeol pressed some buttons, but nothing happened. No beeps or anything.

"You have got to be kidding me." Chanyeol pressed his head against the wall with a quiet thunk. The clock nearby said it was just past seven in the morning. He'd barely slept eight hours. He wasn't going to be able to go back to sleep now, not after chasing a bird out of the house. The sun was coming up anyway. Resigned, Chanyeol decided to go out and maybe the heat would magically be working by the time he returned. If not, well, he hoped he might run into another human being out there.

+

It was a fifteen minute drive to the neighboring town where there seemed to be a grand total of three stores and a small handful of restaurants. The heat had just started to circulate inside the car when Chanyeol arrived and it took a lot for him to, once again, get out. It was good he showered last night because the hot water had run out too. He might as well have washed his face this morning with ice cubes and was just starting to get some feeling back in his cheeks.

He ventured into a tiny grocery store first. He didn't get a chance to poke around the kitchen much, but figured there probably wasn't much to eat. He loaded a basket up with the staples: instant coffee, ramen, microwave rice, spam, eggs. It did look a bit sad though, so he added some vegetables in there too, and went to see the nice man in the back for some pork.

"You're a new face," the uncle said. He looked older than Chanyeol's dad, his face wrinkled and leathery from years of outdoor labor, but his eyes and smile were kind. "Visiting family?"

"Sort of. I'm staying in one of the houses by the creek. The one up on the hill."

"Oh, Junmyeon's place!" The uncle took the piece of pork Chanyeol had pointed to and started to deftly break it down into strips perfect for barbecue.

Yes, that sounded right. Chanyeol felt bad for forgetting the name of the person who's allowing him full reign of his home. "Yes. For a couple of weeks. Just through Christmas."

"Are you keeping an eye on the place while he's gone? I heard he went somewhere far. Everyone was talking about it. America, was it?"

"Yeah, New York, I think it was."

The uncle shook his head. "Never heard of it. Is it nice?"

"It's definitely a lot different from here. Louder. More people."

The uncle laughed, a sharp bark of amusement. "If he wanted that, he should have just gone up to Seoul. Why spend all that money going so far?"

Chanyeol thought about how he'd done the same when he also could have just rented a cabin in the Catskills. Instead, he mumbled a quiet "I don't know" and let the conversation dissipate.

"Stop by again before you leave," the uncle said, handing him the bag of neatly butchered pork belly. "And say hello to Jongin for me." He turned back to his station before Chanyeol could ask who that was. It didn't seem important enough to grab his attention again.

The auntie at the front was equally familiar with Junmyeon. Chanyeol supposed in a small community like this, where some of these people were born in the same house they still lived in, it wasn't surprising.

"Jongin loves pork belly," she said, giving Chanyeol his change. "That darling of his too. Tell him to stop by soon! We haven't seen that child in ages, he works so hard."

Again, Chanyeol was curious, but thought better than to ask. It wasn't like he was actually going to see these shop owners again, so he smiled politely and said of course he would.

Outside, the wind was brittle and biting. Chanyeol hustled to the car and put the heat on blast. He was just starting to warm up again right as he pulled up to the house. Just looking at it, he knew it was still frigid inside. And he'd forgotten to ask about how to get the heat working in these old, traditional homes.

But Chanyeol was nothing if not stubborn. He usually called it persistence, but his family and friends liked to describe it more as a fault. He trudged inside and put the groceries away, then went to face down the control panel again.

He pushed the power button and the screen went blank, then turned it back on. Nothing. He pushed all the buttons on the panel one at a time. He pushed all of them at the same time, just in case there was some magic combination which would reset the system, as if a piece of electronics from the 90s would behave the same as his phone which just came out three months ago. It didn't work.

Chanyeol rubbed his face and gave a heavy sigh. The air fogged up with his breath. It could be worse, he thought, though the list of things which would be worse was fairly short. He didn't feel like going back into town, having already done too many things today and it was barely lunch time. His head throbbed a bit from being thrown off of his usual coffee schedule, so he headed back to the kitchen to make some using the instant packets he just bought.

The hot coffee was an underwhelming reprieve. Chanyeol dug through his suitcase and put on two more layers, including socks and went through the wardrobe in the bedroom for extra blankets. He brought all of them plus the comforter out to the living room and made a nest on the couch. Once he was done, only his eyes were visible between his hat and a scarf wrapped around his mouth and nose. There was also a small opening for him to stick his hand out to use the remote for the TV, but otherwise he intended to stay buried like so for the rest of the day.

+

Chanyeol startled awake to the sound of someone at the door. He marathoned some drama for most of the afternoon and had begrudgingly left his blanket cave to have a luxurious meal of ramen for dinner, then went right back.

He didn't remember dozing off and had to take a few moments to get his bearings. He actually hated naps. More often than not, he woke up groggy and almost nauseous.

The banging on the door continued. "Hyung! It's freezing outside. Let me in already! Are you taking a dump?"

Chanyeol stumbled to his feet. It took a few attempts for him to completely unravel himself from the blankets and he shuffled to the door, opening it just enough to peer through. There was a young man on the other side, maybe the same age as Chanyeol. His vision was still too bleary to say for sure.

"You're not my hyung," the man said with a confused pout. "Are you going to let me in? I can't feel my toes."

Chanyeol shuffled back and opened the door wide enough for the stranger to step through. Under better lighting, Chanyeol could see that his cheeks were pink and glanced down to see two bags with him, one full of beer and the other what seemed like a bucket of fried chicken. Chanyeol's stomach grumbled.

"It's freezing in here too! What are you, a masochist?"

"No," said Chanyeol, frowning. "The heat stopped working."

"Why didn't you turn it back on?"

"I tried," said Chanyeol, pointing at the wall.

The man followed Chanyeol's finger. "That's for the boiler," he said, setting down the bags on the coffee table. He shivered and rubbed his arms, shuffling into the kitchen. Chanyeol followed and watched him push aside a plant to reveal much fancier digital panel on the wall. He pressed the screen a few times and a happy string of beeps filled the air. "Hyung installed fancy floor heating a few months ago. It runs on a schedule, but we always have to reset it after a few days. We couldn't figure out why and just gave up. Didn't he tell you?"

Obviously not, Chanyeol wanted to say, but mostly he wanted to know who the hell this guy was. "He didn't," he said slowly. "Do you know Junmyeon?"

"Yeah," the man said, like it was obvious. He stared at Chanyeol from across the kitchen as if he were seeing Chanyeol properly for the first time. "I don't know you though. How do you know my brother?"

Brother. Hyung. Right. Chanyeol relaxed a bit, only to struggle to find the words to explain how he got here. "He signed up to trade homes for a couple of weeks."

The man's features scrunched up for a moment, then a flash of realization. "Oh, you're that guy. That was this week?" He pressed a hand to his forehead and closed his eyes. "Shit, it was. He even texted me. I'm sorry, I'm really awful at keeping track of what day it is."

"You're all right." Chanyeol stuck out his hand. "I'm Chanyeol."

"Jongin," the man said, shaking Chanyeol's hand.

"Oh, you're Jongin. That makes a lot of sense now."

"Sorry?"

"The owners of the store this morning. I mentioned I was staying here and they told me to say hi to a Jongin."

Jongin smiled. "That's me."

There was awkward silence after that. Part of Chanyeol felt like he should be acting like a host since this was temporarily his home, but at the same time felt like an intruder.

"Are you hungry?" said Jongin suddenly. When Chanyeol reacted with confusion, he pointed to the bags he had brought. "Sometimes I bring drinks and chicken over and watch whatever's on TV with my brother. Since he's not here, but you are, shouldn't let it go to waste."

"We just met."

Jongin shrugged and made himself at home on the couch, pushing the mountain of blankets Chanyeol had gathered to the far end. Chanyeol was already getting feeling back in his toes as the floorboards heated up. "My brother trusts you enough to live in his house. I trust you enough to share a bucket of fried chicken. Do you care if I change the channel?"

With the comforter piled up on the end, the only spot for Chanyeol to sit was in the middle, next to Jongin. He shook his head and watched Jongin empty the bags. There was an impressive amount of alcohol, leaning toward disproportionate against the number of drumsticks. "You two always drink this much?"

"We don't have to finish all this," said Jongin, picking up the remote and jumping through the channels. "Junmyeon-hyung can drink a lot, but I'm not so great at it." He pressed his palms to his face. "I actually already — well, anyway, they're not going to go bad if we don't finish."

Chanyeol relaxed into the couch and drew one leg up, tucking his foot underneath his other thigh. He wasn't sure if it was just a side-effect of living in a small village that Jongin was so open with a random stranger, but Chanyeol couldn't think of a reason not to go along with it. Plus, the guy was easy on the eyes. He was a couple inches shorter than Chanyeol and his gaze was soft while his mouth seemed to be in a permanent pout. Chanyeol tried not to be obvious in his staring, mostly just catching glances as he leaned forward to grab a beer.

"So you really don't know my brother?" said Jongin, landing on some variety show. He took a beer too and popped it open. "You just decided to show up to a stranger's house and hope for the best?"

"Should I be worried you're a serial killer?"

Jongin laughed. "Me? You could be one too."

"I see you're not denying it," Chanyeol said, taking a sip of his beer.

"No! My co-workers all say I'm the nicest guy."

"Sounds like something a serial killer trying to fool his next victim would say."

"Stop," said Jongin, shoving Chanyeol's shoulder lightly. His pout, if possible, deepened for a moment before he grinned and pivoted his body toward Chanyeol. "So. My brother said he was going to New York. That's where you're from?"

Chanyeol hummed. "I've lived there since graduating. Grew up in L.A. though."

"Fancy," said Jongin, looking at Chanyeol in a way that was awfully similar to how Chanyeol looked at other men at some of the bars and clubs he went to now and then.

It couldn't just be Chanyeol's imagination. He'd barely started drinking. The possibility it left, though, Chanyeol was still hesitant to believe.

"A fancy city boy," said Jongin, his words more of a sigh, and dropped his head against the couch. "Why did you choose to come all the way here?"

"I don't know," said Chanyeol, taking a deep breath. "I guess I was having a quarter-life crisis and getting as far away as possible seemed like a good idea."

"What's your crisis?"

"Well," said Chanyeol, considering his words. He was only here for two weeks and would never see this person again, so what was the harm in being brutally honest? "I just turned 30 and feel lost. Like I should have more stuff figured out."

"Is that 30 over there, 31 over here?"

Chanyeol rubbed his cheek. "Oh my god, you're right, I'm already 31 here."

"32 in another couple weeks," said Jongin, clinking his can against Chanyeol's. "Hyung."

"Holy shit."

"Did I just make your crisis worse?" said Jongin, but he was laughing a little. "I'm sorry. You don't look a day over 28, I promise."

Chanyeol groaned and covered his face. "I'm fine. I can handle the passage of time like an adult."

"Definitely something you should have figured out by age 30, soon to be 32."

"Are you trying to console me? Because you're awful at it."

Jongin pressed his lips together, but it did little to hide his smile. "I'm sorry, really," he said, touching Chanyeol's arm and leaving it there. "Go on. What do you think you should have figured out?"

"I don't know, but I just. Thought I'd feel more of a sense of accomplishment. I graduated, I got a really nice job, I'm doing well for myself. But I'm just going through the motions."

"What would be an accomplishment?"

Chanyeol shrugged. "There are milestones you're supposed to hit, right? Buy a house. Settle down. Have kids. At least get a dog if not the kids."

"I don't think there's a deadline for those. And those aren't the only things. Except for the dog, definitely get a dog."

"I know," said Chanyeol, picking at a loose thread on his pants. "It's all arbitrary social conditioning and peer pressure. But it works on me. Like, if I feel like I'm not doing anything meaningful with my life then, by way of deduction…"

Jongin wrinkled his nose. "I don't think it works like that. There has to be meaningful stuff you've done. You graduated! You got a job. What's wrong with those?"

"Anyone can do that."

Jongin smiled, but it didn't quite reach his eyes. He sipped his beer and said, "I didn't. I never went to university and now I work shifts at one of the restaurants in town."

Chanyeol frowned. "I didn't mean — I'm sorry."

Jongin shook his head. "I'm not ashamed. I feel guilty sometimes toward my parents because everyone knows their son didn't make it through school and people love talking, but they have Junmyeon-hyung to brag about still. And I have other things I'm proud of. All I'm saying is the things you've done, you shouldn't discount it."

Chanyeol was curious about Jongin's story, knew that it would have infinitely more depth than Chanyeol's cookie-cutter narrative. But he got the sense he'd be trespassing, so he tamped down on that urge. "Thanks," was what he said instead. "Guess coming here might have been worth it."

"A pretty expensive and risky therapy session, don't you think?"

"Pretty and expensive, yes," said Chanyeol, tilting his head back to finish off his beer. It was impossible not to notice the way Jongin's eyes sharpened on him and he waited — a bit nervously, he realized — to see if there would be any reaction or they'd both just let it slip by.

"I think I need to be way more drunk for this," said Jongin finally. He turned back and sat properly, finishing off his can too before going right for another. He paused before opening it. "No, this is going to be too slow. There's soju in the fridge." He darted off to the kitchen before Chanyeol could say anything.

Chanyeol followed him after a few moments, now just confused. "Hey, I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable," he said, walking up just as Jongin closed the fridge door. A bottle of soju was indeed in his hand.

Jongin seemed a bit lost. He worried his lip between his teeth and twisted the bottle in his hands. "I'm not usually this chatty. I get chatty when I drink. I already had some drinks with coworkers before I came here."

"Here I thought you just had a prominent natural blush," said Chanyeol, lightening the mood.

Jongin's eyes widened and he leaned over to look at his reflection in a stainless steel bowl on the counter. "This is so embarrassing."

"You're fine," said Chanyeol, when the worry didn't disappear from Jongin's face. He pointed at the soju. "You probably don't really need that."

Jongin set the bottle down and ran a hand through his hair. "I'm not usually this forward."

"About?"

"You," Jongin blurted out after a moment of struggling, as if he wasn't sure what the answer was. "Guys who look...nice." He looked terrified once the words spilled out. Chanyeol didn't want him to think he'd made the wrong judgment call.

"I don't mind guys who are forward." Chanyeol could see some of the tension bleed out of Jongin's shoulders, but he still looked too much like a horse about to spook. He went through the cupboards until he found the shot glasses and took two, then grabbed the soju Jongin had set down. "Come on."

Chanyeol went back to the living room and twisted the cap off, filling the two glasses. Jongin was a few steps behind and looked at Chanyeol oddly when he was handed one of them, but took it regardless. "I thought you said I didn't need this."

"I reconsidered in case it'll make you more forward," said Chanyeol, clinking their glasses together. He smiles and knocked his back in one shot. The taste of soju was never his favorite and he shuddered as it went down. One wasn't going to do much for him, but the placebo effect was immediate, that subtle warmth running through him, and he gestured for Jongin to take his.

Jongin made a worse face than his when he drank. It reminded Chanyeol of the first time he ever tasted alcohol, back when he was thirteen. Jongin immediately held out his glass for Chanyeol to refill, even though a grimace lingered on his face.

Chanyeol huffed a quiet laugh and did as asked, curling a hand over his mouth to hide his broadening smile when Jongin tipped it back quickly. "Are you in a rush?"

"I don't want to lose momentum."

"Momentum? Toward what?"

Jongin held his empty glass tight against his palm and bit his bottom lip while staring at Chanyeol's mouth. Maybe he really had been telling the truth earlier about his tolerance level if he was already at blatant staring. Chanyeol could be annoying sometimes with his narcissism, but even he had to focus on something else in the room, unsure what to do with this intense attention. He felt pinned down by it, in a good way, having missed what it was like to have someone so obviously want him. That wasn't really there a lot at the end of his relationship.

"I think you're doing fine," said Chanyeol, clearing his throat. He forced himself to look at Jongin once more. "Your face is more red than before."

Chanyeol moved before he could think through what he was doing. He shifted closer on the sofa and pressed the back of his hand against Jongin's face.

Jongin's eyes widened and went stock still. He was still holding onto his glass, his knuckles white with how tight he was squeezing.

"Sorry," said Chanyeol, dropping his hand.

"What for?"

It was all ridiculous when Chanyeol thought about it. Him, thousands of miles away from home after he decided on a whim to escape his privileged life because he wanted a physical distraction of his hang-ups, and he somehow stumbled onto the one village with the one guy who was devastatingly attractive, who seemed to like him too. If the world was able to bring him here, then the least he could do was lean into it. Literally.

"Okay. I'm not sorry," Chanyeol said, this time holding his palm against Jongin's cheek. "You're very warm."

Jongin's gaze dropped and went right for Chanyeol's mouth again and it still wasn't easy to be the target of attention, but Chanyeol didn't come all the way here only to chicken out. Chanyeol moved even closer until their knees touched and could feel the tiniest of tremors underneath his palm.

"You doing okay?" said Chanyeol, a bit concerned. He wanted Jongin to say something. "Am I going too far?"

One moment Jongin was shaking his head, the next his mouth was on Chanyeol's. He had closed the distance between them in an instant and Chanyeol felt like the ground had dropped out beneath him. Jongin wasn't even doing anything, was barely kissing him, and Chanyeol even in his disorientation wanted more right away. He had to stop himself from chasing when Jongin pulled back just as abruptly.

"I didn't mean to do that," said Jongin, touching his mouth.

"No?" Chanyeol's fingers brushed against Jongin's knee. "I'm a little disappointed to hear that."

"Was it okay?" said Jongin, genuinely concerned. His brow furrowed a bit and Chanyeol desperately wanted to kiss him again.

"It was kind of short, to be honest."

"I don't do this a lot," said Jongin. "Or, ever."

"This, being…?"

"Kissing a stranger." Jongin waved his hand in a rush and shook his head. "I mean, I've done that before. Just not someone I met less than an hour ago."

Chanyeol smiled. "How long do you have to know someone before they stop being a stranger? Two hours?"

"Are you making fun of me?" Jongin said, but smiled back. Chanyeol really, really wanted to kiss him again.

"Let me apologize," Chanyeol said and cupped Jongin's face with both hands, leaning in slow. He waited for Jongin's eyelids to flutter shut before pressing their mouths together, took in the way Jongin tensed and relaxed again as they kissed, lips moving together already in a familiar way.

There was something about Jongin that made Chanyeol want to be careful, as if he was handling glass. He kept one hand curled against Jongin's jaw, but let the other explore slowly, drifting down Jongin's shoulder and chest, then lower to grip his waist. It was as if that touch brought Jongin to life. He made a quiet, low noise, almost like a whimper and took over the kiss, grabbing the back of Chanyeol's neck and anchoring him in place. Just the press of his thumb against Chanyeol's cheek had him parting his mouth to allow Jongin's tongue to brush his, shy at first but then gradually more confident until it made Chanyeol blush with how intimate it was.

Chanyeol felt like he'd been run through by a tornado when they finally stopped. Jongin had moved and was kneeling on the couch with his arms slung loose over Chanyeol's shoulders. It gave Chanyeol whiplash to watch Jongin go from someone who just kissed him to within an inch of his life back to this quiet, nervous, passive energy.

"You are something," said Chanyeol, rubbing his thumb over Jongin's hip a few times before sneaking it under the hem to touch his skin.

"Good?"

"Very," Chanyeol said, running his other hand through Jongin's hair. He brought that hand down and cradled Jongin's cheek, pressing his thumb gently to Jongin's bottom lip. "Do you want to stay?"

A smile bloomed on Jongin's face and that was all the answer Chanyeol needed.

+

Chanyeol's job back home was high stakes, high stress. He often dealt with arrogant clients who were quick to anger, but had learned how to deal with even the most fussy executives and how to command a room and have people listen to him.

But all of that flew out the window in the face of Jongin laughing at him right now. He hadn't been this flustered in a very long time.

"It's not on purpose!" said Chanyeol, voice pitching higher. "I forgot they were in here!"

Jongin was folded over on the bed, shoulders shaking. He was laughing so hard he wasn't even making any noise, waving his hand at Chanyeol for him to stop even though Chanyeol was just sitting there in silence. It took at least another ten seconds for Jongin to calm enough to speak.

"It's not t-that," Jongin said, wiping at his eyes. "It was the w-way you said it. You were so excited and proud of yourself." He exhaled loudly and grinned, lifting his arm in an imitation of Chanyeol a few minutes ago. " _'Wait! I have a condom!'_ " He burst into laughter again.

Chanyeol didn't really understand why it had been so funny that Jongin could barely function. He pounced and pushed Jongin onto his back. The surprise stopped Jongin's laughter, but his eyes were bright with mirth and his chest heaved as he caught his breath. "Don't laugh so much at your elders. I'm delicate."

Jongin cupped Chanyeol's face. "I'm not making fun," he said, bending his leg so it pressed up against Chanyeol's thigh and hip. "I thought that was cute. You're cute."

"I haven't been called cute in ages," said Chanyeol, but thought he'd probably allow Jongin to use whatever adjectives he'd like.

"Really? But I can tell you're a very cute person," said Jongin and wrapped his other leg around Chanyeol's waist. He looked at Chanyeol much more seriously now. "I don't think the condom does much without, you know. And I'm not looking through my brother's stuff. That's not something about him I want to know."

It took a second for Chanyeol to figure out what Jongin was saying. He brightened. "I have that too."

Jongin started laughing again. "You brought condoms and lube on a vacation to a tiny village in Korea. How much action were you expecting to get?"

"It's not because of that!" said Chanyeol, the tips of his ears burning. "I'm not like that!"

"The condom I'll believe," said Jongin, drifting his hand down to trace the neckline of Chanyeol's shirt. "But the lube you had to purposely bring."

"Look," said Chanyeol, swallowing when Jongin's fingers brushed over his Adam's apple. "I knew I was going to jerk off while I was here. You need lube. I'm not a savage."

"Wow, a professional masturbator."

"You make me sound weird and creepy."

"I still like you," said Jongin and leaned up to kiss Chanyeol.

The heat of it made Chanyeol's stomach do flips in anticipation. The way Jongin touched him, confident and lingering, was a breath of fresh air from the guy he just broke up with. Their version of sleeping together had always been rushed, right to the deed, and then a lot of silence until they fell asleep. Jongin, on the other hand, seemed very content right now to just kiss while his hands roamed up and down Chanyeol's back.

It was good, but Chanyeol figured skin-to-skin would be a hundred times better and pulled back with a quiet apology to tug his shirt off. He saw Jongin's eyes darken and his ego sang. Jongin pressed both palms to Chanyeol's chest and slid them down slow, over Chanyeol's pecs to his toned stomach and Chanyeol had never been so grateful to his past self for giving in to Sehun's goading about working out.

"Take a photo," said Chanyeol, joking.

Jongin slid his hands up Chanyeol's back and said very seriously, "I just might."

Chanyeol was completely in over his head and it was wonderful. He caught Jongin's mouth in a lazy kiss and went for Jongin's shirt, pushing it up until it couldn't go further. It was his turn to touch and explore. Jongin was warm and soft in all the right places and so, so responsive to everything Chanyeol did. He arched his chest when Chanyeol's palm brushed across his nipple and inhaled sharply when Chanyeol held his waist and rolled his hips down, just to test.

They broke apart once and only long enough for them to get Jongin's shirt off. Other than that, they just kept kissing. Mostly on the mouth, but occasionally Chanyeol dragged his lips down to suck at the soft, delicate skin of Jongin's throat, leaving a couple of faint marks that would only take a day or two to disappear.

Chanyeol's lips were tingling, halfway numb, but he still wanted more. He wanted Jongin underneath him as long as possible and imagined how beautiful he would look coming undone. His hands snuck down to Jongin's jeans, thumbing the button open followed by the zipper. Jongin was already hard.

"Can I suck you off?" said Chanyeol, pleased when he saw that Jongin's lips were a little swollen and spit slick red. If he looked anything like the same, he wanted the image of his mouth wrecked and messy around a dick — Jongin's dick — seared into Jongin's brain.

"Please," said Jongin, his cock giving a little jerk under Chanyeol's palm.

Chanyeol grinned and kissed right below Jongin's navel. He didn't feel like dragging out getting Jongin naked, just sat up and tugged his jeans and underwear off in one go. Jongin yelped softly and laughed, dragging one hand through Chanyeol's hair vaguely like an owner petting his dog good job. Chanyeol didn't think too much about what it meant that he liked it.

Jongin's cock was nice. He curved a bit to the left and fit nicely in Chanyeol's hand. The tip turned shiny when Chanyeol gave it a couple tugs and he held Jongin's gaze when he dragged the flat of his tongue across to clean it up. Jongin bit his lip and his thighs tensed up for a second, but he watched Chanyeol steadily, barely blinking.

Oral wasn't Chanyeol's best area, but he was eager and sensitive to his partner's responses. He kissed down Jongin's length, allowing the tip of his tongue to trace along a vein. He held the base and licked back up and immediately closed his lips around the head. Jongin sucked in a breath and spread his legs out more, giving Chanyeol the room to get in closer for a better angle. He only went down a couple inches at first, getting used to having a dick in his mouth again, but it didn't take too long until he was trying to test how deep he could go.

"Hyung," Jongin said, sucking his stomach in as Chanyeol almost got his lips down to the base of Jongin's cock. He sounded a mix of awe and nerves. Chanyeol took his hand and squeezed it at the same time he pulled off slow and tight, kissing the tip before grinning up at Jongin.

"I'm not that great at blowjobs," Chanyeol said, resting his chin right above Jongin's hip bone. "My roommate has zero gag reflex though."

"You've slept with your roommate?"

Chanyeol wrinkled his nose. "Sehun? No. He just has no boundaries and loves to brag about his record of swallowing a nine inch dick, but I really think he's lying but knows I'm not going to make him prove it."

Jongin laughed softly and tugged on Chanyeol's hair. Chanyeol pushed himself up, grabbing Jongin's other hand along the way, and held both over Jongin's head. They kissed slow and lazy and in the middle, Jongin twisted his hands until their fingers could lace together.

"May I be fucked now, please?" said Jongin.

"So polite about it," said Chanyeol, sitting up. He smoothed his hands along the insides of Jongin's thighs. "How can I say no?" He crawled off the bed to dig through his suitcase, returning with the lube he'd packed.

"You've used up a lot already."

Chanyeol stripped naked before crawling back between Jongin's legs. "Hey, I bought this months ago," he said, squeezing some onto the tips of his fingers.

Jongin didn't reply. Chanyeol looked up to see him focused lower and followed his line of sight down to Chanyeol's cock.

"What?" said Chanyeol, resisting the urge to cover himself. He didn't know how Jongin was able to make him so self-conscious so easily.

"You're big," breathed Jongin, sounding slightly concerned.

Chanyeol was sure his face had gone bright red in half a second. He's had guys say that about him before, but they were all ones who were obvious about being size queens. With them, the words had made Chanyeol's chest puff up, but right now he felt like a bumbling idiot. The thing was, he wasn't really that big, just slightly above average. He was still in the normal porn star range, would definitely not make the cut for a large dick casting. But he knew that wasn't really a good standard to measure by.

"We don't have to," said Chanyeol, feeling awkward just sitting there with his hand still hovering between them. He was scared to look down in case he'd see Jongin's erection waning. "You can fuck me instead."

That pulled Jongin out of his daze. "What?" He shook his head. "No! Sorry. I didn't mean to. I just wasn't expecting...you. Is this an inconvenient time to say I haven't slept with a lot of people? As in, I've actually only had sex a handful of times. I don't know why I'm confessing all this." He covered his face and groaned in embarrassment. "I'm sorry. I want you but I don't think I'm going to be very good."

Chanyeol gave up and wiped his hand off on his shirt that was hanging off the foot of the bed. He crawled over Jongin and pulled his hands down again. "What are you talking about? You've been doing great."

"What if I can't," said Jongin, mumbling the rest, "make it fit?"

Chanyeol blushed again. "I'm not going to force you if it hurts. Anyway, it's not a big deal. If it doesn't feel good, I'll use my fingers on you instead."

"But I want it to fit," said Jongin, sounding petulant now. He was even pouting as he stared down at Chanyeol's groin. "I really want it."

"Oh my god." Chanyeol thought he was going to combust. How did someone sound cute and hot at the same time? "Just, let me prep you, okay? Let's just try."

Jongin nodded and, when Chanyeol sat up again, lifted and held his legs back so he was on full display. Chanyeol's brain short-circuited and he cursed under his breath, forcing his gaze away to find the lube again.

Chanyeol's fingers were unsteady this time. Whether he looked at Jongin's face or where he was touching, he was overcome with nerves. He decided to watch Jongin's face if only to be able to tell if he should stop.

Jongin bit his lip and Chanyeol dipped down to kiss him and work it free, sucking on it lazily as he pushed a finger into Jongin slowly. There was only a brief second of resistance and then Jongin was warm and tight around him. The worried little crease between Jongin's brow disappeared gradually as Chanyeol worked his finger in and out slowly.

When he slipped in a second finger, Jongin accepted it much more easily. Chanyeol didn't curl them just yet, focusing on getting Jongin used to the feeling. Before he moved on to three, he pulled out first to ease Jongin's feet back down.

"You're going to be too tight like that," Chanyeol said, slicking up his fingers again. He lowered himself back down and pecked Jongin on the lips, tossing in a small grin. "Just relax, I got you."

Jongin tugged him in for a deeper kiss but his mouth went slack for a moment when Chanyeol eased three fingers in. It was always a big jump from two to three and Chanyeol's fingers weren't exactly small. He could tell Jongin was trying not to show his discomfort, but he was too still.

"Is it too much?" said Chanyeol, pulling his fingers out, but Jongin grabbed his wrist.

"Just give me a second," said Jongin and gradually relaxed. He was the one who pulled Chanyeol in deeper up to the second knuckle. Then waited again and relaxed and suddenly Chanyeol's fingers were in as far as they could go. "Oh, fuck."

"Good or bad 'oh fuck'?" said Chanyeol, trying hard not to think about how tight Jongin was squeezing him and what it would feel like around his cock.

"Both," Jongin said, holding Chanyeol's wrist in place as he shifted his hips back and forth, fucking himself slowly. "I missed this, having someone in me."

"I can't believe you talk like this," said Chanyeol, taking over and twisting his fingers when he draws back and pushes in again. Jongin moaned, breath hot against Chanyeol's cheek. "When was the last time?"

"I don't even remember," said Jongin, biting his lip. "Almost a year."

"I'll have to make it really good then," said Chanyeol, pushing in halfway and this time curled his fingers, searching.

Jongin went tense and whimpered when Chanyeol found the right spot. "Don't, I'm going to come if you do that."

"Interesting." But Chanyeol backed off and quietly focused on getting Jongin used to him. "Ready? Might be easier if you're on top."

Jongin nodded and Chanyeol eased his fingers out slow. He grabbed the condom from earlier and ripped it open, rolling it on before settling onto his back. He slicked up his cock as Jongin pushed onto all fours and swung his body over Chanyeol's.

Chanyeol held his cock still and smeared the leftover lube over Jongin's hole, then held onto Jongin's thigh. Jongin looked dazed already, eyes falling shut as he lined himself up.

"Hey," Chanyeol said gently, brushing Jongin's hair back. "Go as slow as you need. Stop if it doesn't feel good."

Jongin nodded and braced his hands on Chanyeol's chest. It took a few tries. He'd push back and tense and pull off, and Chanyeol wondered if he should've gone for a fourth finger when Jongin inhaled slow and pressed back until the tip of Chanyeol's cock finally slipped in.

"Fuck!" Jongin trembled and his head hung low. Chanyeol fought between concern and the urge to snap his hips up. Jongin felt amazing and barely had Chanyeol in him. After a good ten seconds, Jongin moved again, rocking his hips down to take Chanyeol deeper.

Chanyeol was sweating by the time Jongin had managed to take most of his length, which meant Jongin looked absolutely exhausted. The question of if Jongin was really okay lingered on the tip of Chanyeol's tongue, but Jongin was clearly determined. His erection had flagged though, but that's happened to Chanyeol before too when he's been fucked.

"God, _please_ just," said Jongin, sounding so desperate, right before he sat up and forced the last inch in. The sound which came out of him though, wounded almost, had Chanyeol panicking and he reached for Jongin's arms only to be swatted away. "Don't — don't touch me." His breaths came out harsh and uneven and he was pulsing around Chanyeol's cock in a similar away.

"Holy sh— are you coming?" said Chanyeol, breathless, just as Jongin's soft cock spit out this thin, pitiful amount of spunk onto Chanyeol's stomach. Just like that, Chanyeol was suddenly really close too after witnessing possibly the sexiest thing he'd ever seen.

"Fuck," Jongin moaned, shaking, and placed his hands back on Chanyeol's chest. Chanyeol wanted to kiss him, to absolutely devour him, and only held back because Jongin had asked for space. _"Fuck."_

"You really are something," said Chanyeol, in complete awe. "Fucking amazing."

Jongin calmed enough to smile, sweat shining along his forehead. He was gorgeous and Chanyeol, looking back later, should've known it was always going to be more than just a fuck. This time when Chanyeol moved his hands closer, Jongin nodded and Chanyeol moved like a man dying of thirst in front of a rushing spring. He wrapped one arm behind Jongin and cupped his other hand behind Jongin's neck, surging up to kiss him hard and messy. Jongin kissed back as best he could, clearly still out of energy, but Chanyeol didn't need much. He sat up and touched and kissed Jongin everywhere he could reach until Jongin was laughing and had to physically grab Chanyeol's head to get him to stop.

"I'm not done yet," Jongin said and brought Chanyeol's hand to his dick. "Get me hard again."

"You're not real," said Chanyeol, resting their foreheads together. He palmed Jongin gently and rocked his hips just a little. "There's just no way you're real."

"I wasn't expecting that either," said Jongin, gasping quietly when Chanyeol's hips accidentally became too eager. "I think that was a one time deal. I'm just so _full_."

"Fuck," Chanyeol muttered, having to still his hips in order to last. He took Jongin in his hand and circled his thumb around the tip where it was slippery with his release. Jongin sucked in a breath and pressed his hand to Chanyeol's shoulder as if to shove him away, but when Chanyeol paused he shook his head.

"No, it's okay, keep going," said Jongin, relaxing again. He wrapped his arms around Chanyeol's shoulders and mouthed at Chanyeol's jawline. "Just kind of sensitive."

Chanyeol resumed stroking Jongin slowly, his other hand petting Jongin's back at the same time. It was quiet other than the small sounds Jongin would make when Chanyeol did something he liked. Eventually Jongin started to roll his hips, riding Chanyeol lazily, and dropped his head back.

"God, that's so good," said Jongin, his movements growing bigger. He whined when he rose up nearly all the way and sank back down in one smooth motion, squeezing and grinding down after.

"Come here," said Chanyeol, feeling like he was going to jump out of his skin if Jongin kept going like this. He looped his arm around Jongin's waist and held on tight as he flipped them over. Jongin yelped and blinked up at him.

"Did you just," Jongin said, eyes wide, "lift me?"

It hadn't been that easy. Chanyeol was using the last bits of his energy. Still though, he wasn't going to pass up a chance to preen. He grinned and hoisted Jongin's legs over his shoulders. "Did you like it?" he said, hooking his hands around Jongin's thighs as he began fucking him.

"Very much," said Jongin, arching his back, turning himself into a complete feast for Chanyeol's eyes with all his sharp angles and long lines. Chanyeol wondered if he'd ever sleep with someone this responsive ever again, but shook away the thoughts of how this was just a fleeting thing and sank into the moment.

Chanyeol wasn't going to last much longer, but wanted to make Jongin come just from being fucked. He lowered Jongin's legs back down and hooked them around his waist so he could lean down, caging Jongin's head between his elbows. "Tell me when," he said and tried different angles each time he thrust in until Jongin gasped and mumbled, "Theretherethere."

"Come on," said Chanyeol, snapping his hips harder and faster, kissing Jongin when his lips parted in a moan. "Come for me, make a mess."

Jongin's nails dug into Chanyeol's sides, but the sting of it just made him go harder. Jongin's breath hitched and he hurriedly shoved a hand between them to touch himself. Chanyeol felt it, the moments before Jongin came, how he tightened up and the way his body thrummed with tension.

"Fuck, there you go," Chanyeol panted, almost all of his muscles aching to keep the harsh pace he set. His own orgasm was right there, his balls drawing taut, and he chased it, mind going blank of everything else. The only reason he knew Jongin was coming was because of the sudden way he tightened up and pushed Chanyeol over the edge.

For a moment, there was nothing except the blood roaring in Chanyeol's ears and the sharp pleasure pulsing through him. He ground his hips forward to prolong it and buried his face in Jongin's neck, moaning long and low. When he came down, breathing hard, the first thing he registered was Jongin's hand carding through his hair. It was soothing and he stayed still, unwilling to end the calmness that blanketed him.

"Hyung," Jongin said, and Chanyeol hummed quietly in acknowledgement. "That was...really good."

Chanyeol smiled and pressed a kiss under Jongin's ear. "Yeah. You were great." Even without looking, he knew Jongin was blushing.

It got uncomfortable and sticky soon, so Chanyeol pulled out and moved off. He kissed Jongin on the forehead, returning the shy smile he got with a brighter one, and left to clean up in the bathroom. He came back with a towel and wiped Jongin up before tugging the covers back so they could settle underneath. Chanyeol was a big time cuddler and didn't know how Jongin would react. But Jongin was the one who snuggled up, hesitating with his hand on Chanyeol's waist before Chanyeol pulled him in the rest of the way.

"Can we kiss some more?" said Jongin, like a child asking if they could have one more cookie.

"As if I'd say no to that," said Chanyeol and cupped Jongin's cheek as he moved in.

They kissed slow and lazy, but there was still a heat to it. Jongin flicked his tongue against Chanyeol's lower lip and then against Chanyeol's tongue when his lips parted. It had been a long time, university maybe, since Chanyeol just kissed someone like this without the expectation that it might lead to something else. Jongin was just so open and eager, sucking on Chanyeol's bottom lip or his tongue, but then easing back and leaving these gentle, chaste kisses to the corner of Chanyeol's mouth. It made Chanyeol's chest twist up, like he wanted to cry, and that was more than a bit terrifying.

Jongin smiled as if to say thanks for allowing that and squirmed lower under the covers and fit his head against the crook of Chanyeol's arm. Maybe it was creepy, but Chanyeol couldn't help but watch him close his eyes and a few minutes later, fall asleep.

Then Chanyeol was alone with the stillness of the evening and his tangled thoughts, the ones he ignored earlier but had nothing to distract from now. It had been, at most, a few hours that he's known Jongin and yet the sex they just had was the most intimate and fulfilling Chanyeol's ever experienced. If this were home in New York, he probably wouldn't let this person out of his sight, but he wasn't at home. He was in an entirely different hemisphere and would be leaving in just over a week. And if there was one thing he knew about himself, it was how easily he grew attached to someone, how he was always the one who fell harder and faster and inevitably broken up with when the feeling wasn't mutual.

Jongin didn't seem like the kind of person who would do that to Chanyeol, but that didn't really matter. They'd already started something and Chanyeol couldn't have known it would feel like this. He'd thought, a cute guy had miraculously landed in his lap. He'd thought, he was here to figure stuff out, but it wouldn't hurt to have some fun. He hadn't thought, when it should have been the only thing he told himself, that this person with his eyes that wrinkled when he smiled and a laugh that was contagious was always going to be dangerous to someone like Chanyeol.


	2. Chapter 2

It was barely light out when Chanyeol woke the next morning. The neighboring chicken farm was waking up too, but Jongin slept on undisturbed, still curled up against Chanyeol's chest.

Chanyeol extracted himself slowly and slipped out of bed, pulling the blanket up to Jongin's shoulders before he left the room. The beer and fried chicken Jongin had brought over the night before was still scattered over the living room table. He cleaned up some of the trash and put everything else in the fridge, then went about to make some coffee.

An hour passed before the bedroom door opened again, followed by the bathroom door opening and closing. Chanyeol got up and refilled the kettle, putting it on to boil. He was leaning against the counter when Jongin finally came in, dressed in last night's rumpled clothes. His body language was all different and Chanyeol felt like he was looking at a stranger who happened to share Jongin's face.

Jongin didn't make eye contact with him and rubbed his arm absently. He looked uncomfortable and that made Chanyeol the same.

"Would you like some coffee?" said Chanyeol, shaking the box of instant packets. "This is all I bought, but I'm a pro at making it."

Jongin didn't even crack a smile and just shook his head. "I should go," he said, turning toward the front door, but then hesitated. "About last night. I'm really sorry. I don't, I mean, I'm not someone who does that."

"You don't have to apologize," Chanyeol said. "As long as you don't regret it, that's all I care about. You were amazing."

Jongin grew flustered, mouth opening a few times, but obviously didn't know what to say.

"Anyway, I'm glad you forgot your brother was gone and stopped by. If only because you stopped me from freezing to death, but the rest was good too. Feel free to come over again if you want some company."

"I don't think that would be a good idea," said Jongin, everything about him tense. His mouth was pressed into a tight line and his shoulders were drawn up. "Thanks, though. For last night. I hope the rest of your time here is nice."

Chanyeol simply nodded and shoved his hands into his pockets. "All right. Stay warm, I guess."

Jongin gave a terse nod back and made his escape as if he couldn't get out fast enough. The front door opened and closed with a gust of cold wind and Chanyeol shivered. The kettle flipped off only for Chanyeol to empty it out into the sink.

It was probably for the better, even if Jongin had looked like he did perhaps regret sleeping together. But this way, at least, solved Chanyeol's problem of becoming attached only to be rejected. And maybe he felt the sting of rejection anyway, unable to shake the image of Jongin darting out of here, but that would go away soon and last night would simply turn into a story to tell Sehun when he got home.

+

The next couple of days, Chanyeol decided to explore the village and surrounding area. There was some trails nearby, so he suited up appropriately and brought a thermos of tea with him, spending a sunny morning hiking up to one of the trailheads that provided a view of the village below and more mountains in the distance. He stayed there for almost an hour until his fingers were too cold to feel anymore, but it had cleared his head a lot even though being alone wasn't something he was particularly good at. He liked being around people and liked when people wanted to be around him. Those relationships were how he defined himself. But he was overdue for some isolation and he felt better. It wasn't as if all his worries about life had magically been solved, but it was a start, being surrounded by the quiet and cold and simply feeling okay.

In the evenings, he went into town and had dinner by himself. The aunties were puzzled when he requested a table for one and then looked on pitifully as he slowly made his way through a two-person serving of pork belly. On the second night, they joined him and tried to get his life story. Where he was from, why he was there.

"We don't get a lot of you young people passing through," one of them said. This auntie sported the typical ahjumma perm, but had a gentle voice. Her hand was calloused from the decades of running this restaurant, which made Chanyeol show his appreciation for the food more visibly than he otherwise would have. "The children and grandchildren once every decade when the family feels guilty enough about how alone we are out here."

Instead of answering, mainly because he didn't know how to answer such a question, he asked instead, "How did you know, as you got older, if you were doing the right thing?"

The second auntie, with her head of all gray hair pulled back into a tight bun, raised an eyebrow. "That is a question without a right answer."

"But were you ever unsure of yourself? Or, why you worked so hard for something when you couldn't figure out why that thing even mattered?"

"Of course we were," the second auntie said. "We're still unsure of ourselves sometimes. But it's not good or bad, it's just called living."

"Doesn't it feel like a waste when you realize that you've spent years doing something that you don't really like doing?"

Both of them laughed. "Isn't that living too?" the first one said. "Do you have to like something for it to have purpose? Anything you do teaches you something about yourself. If you hate a job and quit. If you hate a job and stay because you're too scared to leave. If you hate a job and stay because you have others to support. All of those have purpose and the time a person spends in any of those matters, even if they don't know it at the time."

"The things which you love and the things which you do to survive are not the same. Why is it so important that they are?"

Chanyeol frowned. He had never thought about that. Part of it, he suspected, was growing up in an environment where he'd been fed a narrative of success and personal happiness being intertwined. That anything other than that would be settling. "I was told they should be."

"Americans," the second auntie said, rolling her eyes. She made a wrap and shoved it into Chanyeol's mouth. "Here's a more important question. Do you even know what you love?"

Chanyeol didn't and based on the looks he got, they weren't surprised.

"Figure out what you love first. If you can survive off it and not lose that love, wonderful. But that, my child, is a privilege."

Chanyeol picked up a chili pepper and bit of the end, chewing morosely. He hadn't expected to leave with more questions that he had started with.

"Let's move on from such a boring topic," the first auntie said. The second auntie looked much more energetic suddenly.

"Yes. You're almost 32. Are you getting married soon?"

Chanyeol groaned. He got this enough from his actual aunts and grandmothers. "People are getting married later in the states."

"Just because we live out here doesn't mean we don't read the news," the second auntie said. "You've already arrived at later."

"You know who else? Junmyeon. And the little one — Jongin." As soon as she said it, the first auntie suddenly seemed sad. Chanyeol couldn't help but be nosy and feigned ignorance.

"Who's Jongin?"

"Ah, he's Junmyeon's little brother. Maybe you'll run into him. He works evenings just down the street at the soup shop. You should stop by."

"Yeah, maybe," said Chanyeol, definitely thinking this was not the crowd to reveal exactly how familiar he and Jongin already were.

"That child," the second auntie said, shaking her head. "You should go to him with your questions. He might teach you something about what happiness is."

Chanyeol recalled easily the small glimpse he'd gotten of Jongin's life. He was even more curious now of who Jongin really was and how he got to where he was, but didn't think he'd ever get a chance to ask.

The aunties move on again to fussing over his eating habits, saying how he was skin and bones even though he clearly wasn't and had already eaten enough for two adults. But he let them, ultimately grateful for the company. In the back of his mind, though, Jongin lingered.

Again, still, unforgettable.

+

The next day was sunny, but as frigid as it was blinding outside. Chanyeol went out to stock up on more food and alcohol, but otherwise was adamant about staying inside all day curled up on the couch. The only thing which might have made it better was if he had a dog to curl up at his feet.

He'd made it through a couple movies, as well as an entire pint of ice cream, after dinner. It was almost midnight when he finally started getting tired.

A knock on the door nearly made Chanyeol fall off the couch. The wind gusted violently and made the windows and doors rattle, which did little to quell his sudden paranoia that there was an axe murderer outside. The person knocked again and Chanyeol looked around for a potential weapon, but could only spot the throw pillows on the couch.

"Who is it?"

There was no answer at first and Chanyeol honestly was a little scared, but then.

"It's me. Jongin. Um, it's really cold."

Chanyeol lurched for the door and swung it open. On the porch, Jongin was rubbing his arms, shoulders drawn up to his ears. Another gust blew through and Jongin hurried inside. Then they just stood there. Chanyeol was in his pajamas, had been for most of the day honestly, and was suddenly all too aware of it.

"Is everything all right?" said Chanyeol, noticing that he didn't even have matching socks on and awkwardly placed one foot over the other to try and hide it. "It's pretty late."

Jongin looked like he realized he'd made a mistake coming here and Chanyeol took a step forward, holding his hands out.

"No, I mean, it's fine! I was up anyway watching movies. So you're not, you know, bothering me or anything."

That made Jongin relax, but only the barest amount. Chanyeol went back to the couch, tidying it up a little by way of balling the blanket up that he'd been huddled under and tossing it onto a nearby chair. He patted the now empty spot next to him and after a moment's hesitation, Jongin joined him.

"I can't believe I'm here," mumbled Jongin, covering his face. He left one hand pressed against his forehead, pushing up his bangs, and stared at the floor as if Chanyeol wasn't even there. "This is crazy."

"What is?" said Chanyeol, bouncing his leg until he saw Jongin look over and stopped immediately. "I meant it when I said you could come by anytime if you wanted company."

Jongin balled his hands up. "I couldn't stop thinking about...it. The other night. God, this sounds so lame."

Chanyeol leaned forward slightly. "It doesn't. We had a good time. I'm definitely not upset that you're still thinking about it."

Jongin raised his head and looked right at Chanyeol. "Do you want to sleep together again?"

Chanyeol was rarely at a loss for words, but in that moment his mind went completely blank. He stared at Jongin with wide eyes. "Sorry?"

"Do you want to have sex?"

"Hold on," said Chanyeol, closing his eyes for a moment. "You left the other morning looking like you regretted everything, so I'm going to need the blanks filled in."

"I did," said Jongin, frowning. "I don't like complicated. I'm not at any place in my life where I can afford complicated and sleeping with a stranger who's staying at my brother's house is definitely a complicated thing."

"Sleeping with me a second time is going to uncomplicate it somehow?" Chanyeol said slowly.

"If we lay out rules."

"Such as?"

"We agree not to fall in love with each other."

Chanyeol didn't know whether to laugh or ask Jongin if he was drunk again. His face wasn't the slightest bit red though. "Just that one rule, huh?"

"Friends with benefits, right? Or acquaintances with benefits, I guess."

"I'm only here for another week."

"That's fine. Look, I — this place is small and it's all these senior citizens who've either lived here their entire lives or city couples retiring to the countryside with some romantic notion that they're going to live the rest of their lives growing onions. There's very few close to my age. There's definitely no one who…matches what I like."

"You mean men who want to have sex with other men."

Jongin nodded. "I just," he said, pressing his lips together as if it was painful for him to say the next part, but had to anyway. "I miss being touched."

It probably wasn't what Jongin wanted, but Chanyeol pitied him a little. He remembered what Jongin had admitted to, about it being nearly a year since he last slept with someone. If that really was the last time Jongin had been intimate with someone in any way, and intimacy was something he wanted, Chanyeol didn't even know how he's survived. And below all his masks and facades, Chanyeol was a big, soft pushover.

"Do you have any other rules, or just the one about falling for each other?"

Jongin shook his head. His guard had been lowered and he looked at Chanyeol with such a vulnerable hope.

"Okay. Let's go." Chanyeol stood up.

"Right now?"

"I said I only have a week left. We can't waste time. Let's get you some physical contact before you really wither away." Chanyeol headed for the bedroom without waiting for Jongin and had the presence to discard his mismatched socks. He took off his sweatshirt as well as his pants, leaving him in a t-shirt and briefs when he heard Jongin's footsteps come down the hall.

Chanyeol sat at the foot of the bed and watched Jongin take two steps into the room and stop.

"This is definitely what you want?" said Chanyeol, grabbing his wallet from the jeans he wore out earlier and took the second and last condom which he'd tucked in there a couple months ago. "I really don't want you to wake up tomorrow wishing you hadn't. That's going to make both of us feel really shitty."

Jongin shook his head. "That won't happen. I've spent the past two days thinking about it. I want this."

"All right," said Chanyeol and held out his hand.

Jongin stared at it for a long, silent moment. Then he took a step, and another, and reached out for Chanyeol.

+

If Chanyeol had thought the great sex from the other night was a fluke, he was quickly proven wrong.

It had taken some effort to get Jongin out of his shell this time. He was shy when Chanyeol undressed him and got caught more than once holding back a moan.

But now, flat on his stomach with Chanyeol fucking him deep and slow, he finally let go. It fogged up Chanyeol's mind, hearing the gasps and groans from Jongin, watching the way his face scrunched up when Chanyeol angled his hips just right. Chanyeol lowered himself so he was pressed flush against Jongin's back and kissed the curve of Jongin's neck.

"Fuck, s'good," Jongin moaned, his words slurred and his eyes blinked slow at the far wall as if he were delirious. Chanyeol was sweating not from going hard, but just the concentration it took to keep from humping Jongin like some teenager who'd just discovered how to come. He wanted to see Jongin like this as long as possible, wanted to be the reason he felt good for as long as possible.

"Yeah?" Chanyeol said, taking both of Jongin's hands. "You're being good."

"I'm gonna come," Jongin said, pulling Chanyeol's hand close just to mouth at it until Chanyeol slipped two fingers past his lips to press down on his tongue.

"You can come if you want. I'm gonna keep fucking you though."

Jongin closed his eyes and sucked on Chanyeol's fingers. He started rolling his hips with what little range of motion he had while pinned down. Chanyeol felt when he got close and Jongin's mouth became sloppy, too preoccupied with grinding his hips against the bed. He came silently and Chanyeol buried himself deep just to feel him squeeze and also to keep from coming himself.

Jongin went completely lax and Chanyeol braced himself on his arms, nudging Jongin's legs together to keep him tight as he began fucking him faster. A quiet whine left Jongin, along with a mumbled "hyung" and Chanyeol lost himself, coming with a strained groan. Jongin reached for his hand and pulled, forcing Chanyeol to lie on him again. His eyes were closed, but he was smiling, looking so content that Chanyeol couldn't help dip down for a kiss. It was so easy to get lost in it and Chanyeol pulled out just to get Jongin onto his back and kiss him some more.

In his mind, he was just giving Jongin more of the physical affection he needed. If he was the one who had trouble stopping, who kept thinking, just one more kiss, he didn't want to acknowledge it.

Once the post-orgasm glow wore off though, Jongin's guards started to go back up. Chanyeol could see it so obviously in his eyes, at least when Jongin even bothered to look at him.

"Where are you going?"

Jongin paused at the edge of the bed just as his feet touched the floor. "What?"

"It's past one AM. Just stay." Chanyeol reached across and tugged gently on Jongin's elbow. "Come here. We just fucked for the second time. It doesn't have to be this awkward."

Jongin considered him, then crawled back over. He laid on his back, hands folded neatly over his chest and Chanyeol rolled his eyes.

Chanyeol draped the sheets up to their waists and settled his hand atop Jongin's to play with his fingers, slipping them between his own. Jongin watched on, unreadable, but didn't pull away. Now that they weren't doing anything, Chanyeol's previous exhaustion caught up to him and he blinked slowly until he closed his eyes and didn't open them again, his hand still intertwined with Jongin's.

+

The other side of the bed was empty in the morning. Chanyeol squinted around the room to see only his clothes discarded on the floor. He sighed and stared at the ceiling. He shouldn't be surprised that Jongin left, but couldn't help but be a little sad about it.

The sound of something crashing to the floor echoed through the house. Chanyeol shot up and pulled on his underwear to go investigate. When he got to the end of the hall, there Jongin was in the kitchen, frowning at the stove and surrounded by almost the entire contents of the fridge.

"Jongin?"

Jongin spun around like he just got caught with his hand in the candy jar. "I did wake you. Sorry."

Chanyeol shook his head. "I was already up," he said, approaching slowly. "Are you...making breakfast?"

"Trying, yeah," said Jongin, scratching his head. "Junmyeon-hyung ran out of rice."

"I bought the instant kind," said Chanyeol, pointing at the pantry. "I know it's not the best, but. You know."

Jongin gave him a small smile. "Thanks."

Chanyeol stayed out of the way, but watched Jongin move around the kitchen. The breakfast he was making was simple, just some eggs and spam, but it was obvious Jongin had done this a hundred other times. He plated everything and brought them over to the counter where Chanyeol was standing, then went and tossed two containers of rice into the microwave.

"Oh," said Jongin, looking at Chanyeol apologetically. "I didn't make coffee."

"I can get it," said Chanyeol, and resisted the urge to kiss Jongin's forehead when he walked past to put the kettle on. It wasn't lost on him, the domesticity of the moment, and he really tried not to focus on it. It would only make him imagine too many other things he shouldn't be imagining.

Jongin brought out some other side dishes in the fridge and they ate mostly in silence other than Jongin asking if the food was okay.

"Other than my mom's cooking, it's the best thing anyone's ever made for me," said Chanyeol, way too pleased when Jongin grew shy at the compliment.

Since Jongin cooked, Chanyeol volunteered to wash the dishes. He expected Jongin to leave, but he lingered, just watching Chanyeol. It was a bit unnerving, but not enough for Chanyeol to say anything in case it might actually prompt Jongin to go.

Chanyeol rinsed off the last plate and set it on the drying rack, then wiped his hands. When he turned around, Jongin took the two steps toward him, caging Chanyeol in against the sink.

"Oh, hi. Hello."

Jongin's gaze drifted down. Chanyeol was still only in his underwear, a detail which suddenly seemed very important. One of Jongin's hands hovered between them, so close to touching that Chanyeol could feel the warmth of his fingertips. Chanyeol waited, but Jongin couldn't seem to decide what he wanted, so Chanyeol did it for him by bringing Jongin's palm to his chest and holding it there.

"Hey."

Jongin looked up as if he'd forgotten Chanyeol was actually there. Chanyeol wanted to know what he was thinking and was about to ask when Jongin slid his hand up to Chanyeol's shoulder, using it to balance as he leaned up and kissed Chanyeol. It was a more modest kiss, no tongue, but it did go on long enough that Chanyeol's hands found their way to Jongin's waist. The quiet which surrounded them made time seem to go slower. The wind had settled down overnight but occasionally the shadow of the dogwood branches outside flickered over them. Each time Jongin drew back, he looked at Chanyeol with a different unreadable expression only to move in for another kiss. Chanyeol certainly didn't mind, would be happy to do this all morning — all day even — but had to admit this was not what he had expected when Jongin had proposed a friends with benefits arrangement.

He didn't want to break the spell, though. Not just in that moment of having Jongin warm and solid against him, but the energy between them when they were more intimate too. It was cliche, he knew, but there was definitely an undeniable connection between them. It was as if his body already knew Jongin and knew how to touch him, knew all the ways to make him feel good. But that was something sounded like it came out of those romantic dramas his mom always streamed. It wasn't something which actually happened in real life.

Chanyeol wasn't sure how long they would have kept kissing had Jongin's phone not started to ring. Jongin broke away like a spell had actually been lifted, looking around like he wasn't quite sure where he was. His phone was on the counter and Chanyeol couldn't help but look at the screen where a very prominent "My Jihyo 💖" displayed in the center.

And that — that definitely brushed away any romantic notions Chanyeol might have had about them. He didn't want to jump to any conclusions, but Jongin took his phone and held it against his chest.

"Sorry, I have to take this," he said and didn't wait for Chanyeol to acknowledge him. He picked up the call and covered the mouthpiece with his other hand, but even if Chanyeol couldn't make out the words, Jongin's sudden sweet tone was all he needed to hear.

Chanyeol wondered what Jongin's deal was. If he had a girlfriend or maybe was even married. Chanyeol's met some of them before, guys who just wanted to experiment, others who were closeted. One guy Chanyeol slept with a couple years ago flipped out when Chanyeol asked for a blowjob, but was all too happy to fuck Chanyeol from both ends.

"Sorry about that." Jongin shuffled back in with his hands in his pockets. "So, are you busy today?"

That was a turn he didn't expect. Chanyeol shook his head. "Been making plans as I go."

"I don't work until five. There's not a lot to do out here, but there's a temple nearby with a garden that's pretty nice in the winter."

Chanyeol crossed his arms. "Are you asking me out?"

"No!" said Jongin, waving his hands a little too aggressively for Chanyeol's comfort. "I just thought. The friends part of friends with benefits."

"You want to be friends?" said Chanyeol, unable to stop the laugh which erupts from his chest. Jongin's face fell and he mumbled a "never mind" which made Chanyeol stumble forward and grab Jongin's arm. "Wait, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have laughed."

"You don't have to say yes. I can take a hint."

Chanyeol ran his thumb across Jongin's lips like he could physically wipe away the pout. It did disappear, but only to be replaced by Jongin's mild surprise. "Don't sulk. I'll go get dressed."

"You don't have to accept if you don't want to!" yelled Jongin after Chanyeol had disappeared to the bedroom.

Chanyeol laughed to himself and fixed his hair after pulling on a sweater. "No, we're going to become proper friends!" He didn't know why it mattered that he looked put together. They'd seen each other naked more than clothed and this, as Jongin had made sure to point out, was strictly a friendly outing. Though the two times Jongin had seen him covered up, he was not dressed for any type of company. Even if it were casual, he still wanted to show Jongin what he could look like when putting in effort.

He stepped out in a pair of black jeans, fitted but not too tight, and an oversized cream sweater. His hair was mostly a mess and unsalvageable in the short time he had to get ready, but he fixed that with a knit hat. Since it wasn't as cold today, he grabbed his speckled grey wool coat that fell to his knees and a long burgundy scarf. He finished the look off with a pair of sunglasses which he slipped on right as he came into view of Jongin.

Who stared dumbly at him.

"You never did take that photo," said Chanyeol, basking for a moment in his smugness. He shrugged his coat on and draped the scarf loosely around his neck. "Come on, before you strip these clothes off me before they can even see the light of day."

Jongin didn't react to the joke. He shuffled to the door and slipped his shoes on, but kept stealing glances at Chanyeol. On the one hand, Chanyeol appreciated the attention, but on the other he really was growing worried they weren't going to make it out.

They did though, finally, and even with the sunglasses, the sun reflecting off the pristine snow hurt his eyes. Jongin had driven last night and as Chanyeol got into the passenger seat, it was impossible not to notice a child seat in the back.

Chanyeol could have asked, but he didn't want to hear the answer, didn't want to hear any more terrible excuses. He'd had enough of those in most of his relationships and honestly, it didn't matter. He and Jongin were just sleeping together while he was in town. Whatever life Jongin had outside of their hook-ups wasn't any of Chanyeol's business. So he kept his mouth shut and smiled pleasantly when Jongin started up the car.

Jongin smiled back just as a ray of sunlight came out from behind a cloud and warmed his face. Chanyeol was grateful for the sunglasses he had on and his years of practicing a poker face. If he didn't have either of those at his disposal, the whole world would have seen the truth which he was still in denial over, that he had never been able to separate physical from emotional and Jongin, with his awkward, but sweet gestures, had already put down roots, an action irreversible without painful consequences.

+

The temple was much more beautiful than Jongin had described. It had been meticulously maintained over the centuries, the colors on the exterior still vivid and vibrant. The main building sat on the edge of a pond, frozen over, and the snowfall from a couple nights ago was still completely undisturbed. Even the silence felt muted out here and Chanyeol simply stood there taking in the view, scared to make any more noise.

Jongin was quiet, too, next to him. Chanyeol paid as much attention to him as the scenery laid out in front of them and wondered not for the last time all the secrets Jongin kept hidden. Something about the way he carried himself made it seem he had many and Chanyeol just wanted to know one, to try and ease some burden no matter how small.

"Do you come here often?" said Chanyeol, feeling like this was the most relaxed he's seen Jongin.

Jongin nodded and kept his gaze on the frozen pond. "It doesn't get many visitors, especially once the weather turns cold. It's a nice place to come and get lost in your own thoughts."

"Is there a lot of thinking you usually have to do?"

Jongin smiled, but it didn't reach his eyes. "Something like that. Isn't that why you're here in the first place? You wanted things to slow down, to have the time and space to figure out what you want."

"Oh, you remember that."

"Of course, I wasn't that drunk."

Chanyeol groaned. "Yeah, but. It felt less embarrassing telling someone who could just forget it all the next day."

Jongin looked at him curiously. "Why are you embarrassed?"

"I mean, you even said some of the reasons yourself. What am I even complaining about? I have lots of things other people don't."

Jongin rolled his eyes. "I didn't mean that you weren't allowed to feel whatever you're feeling though. I only said that because you seemed to think all the things you've done so far were meaningless. That part maybe you should be embarrassed about." He glanced over, presumably to check that Chanyeol knew he wasn't being serious about the last bit.

Chanyeol remembered the aunties he had spoken to, who had said those vague words about Jongin and happiness. "What about you? You've never second-guessed your decisions?"

"I never said that." Jongin shoved his hands into his pockets and started walking toward the temple building, looking back over his shoulder to make sure Chanyeol followed. "There's lots of things I've second-guessed."

"Like what?"

Jongin pressed his lips together and frowned a little.

"You don't have to tell me."

The snow crunched under their feet. Jongin kept his gaze down. "I know I don't have to. But you would be a good person to confess to, right? Since we're not going to see each other again after you leave."

Last night knowing he was only here for one more week didn't matter much. The reminder of it now, though, didn't sit well with Chanyeol. Were they really going to lose touch after he left? He returned to Seoul every year and it wasn't as if this town was that remote.

"If you knew you'd see me again, you wouldn't say anything?"

Jongin didn't say anything, but his face gave the answer away.

"Wait, really? You wouldn't tell me."

They reached the temple and carefully went up the stairs. A layer of frost had built up and the last thing Chanyeol needed was to wipe out.

"I have my reasons," said Jongin, walking over to the area which overlooked the pond. "Maybe they're not good reasons, but I have them."

Chanyeol stood next to him and leaned his arms on the wooden balustrade. "So, what's your decision? Are you going to tell me about yourself or don't want to risk it?" Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Jongin stare at him. He kept his gaze forward, wanting to seem nonchalant, because ultimately he wanted to know Jongin, even if it was just one thing.

"I second-guess all the time if I'm enough," Jongin said finally. His voice was even quieter and he sounded so vulnerable Chanyeol had to stop himself from reassuring him immediately even though he didn't have any idea what Jongin was referring to.

"Enough for what?"

"For the people around me that I want to take care of."

"Have you asked them?"

"No," said Jongin, sighing. "I'm sure they'd say I'm plenty enough."

"But you don't believe them?"

Jongin flicked at the brittle mix of ice and snow on the railing. "I believe them, but I can still think they deserve more."

"If you care enough to want that even though they've told you they're happy, then I think you're doing just fine. Trust me, I've met plenty of people who are the opposite, who think so much of themselves when they're actually terrible."

Jongin laughed. "That's not really reassuring to be compared to the bare minimum."

"I didn't mean it that way."

"I know. Thanks." Jongin took a deep breath and let it out slowly. His breath was a faint white wisp in the air and he took Chanyeol by the elbow. "It's cold and I'm hungry. Let's go pay our wishes and leave."

Chanyeol had only gone to these types of places twice in his life, both when he was much younger. He mostly just followed Jongin's lead and went through the motions. He didn't really believe in this sort of stuff, was very much a believer of creating your own fate, but maybe it was the environment or that these two weeks were supposed to be him trying something outside of the norm. But he found himself wishing in earnest, thinking he'd take all the help he could get.

It was probably bad luck, or at least bad form, to look at Jongin as he made his wish, but he couldn't help it. Jongin had his eyes closed for a while, brow wrinkled in thought, and Chanyeol wondered what he wanted which made him so serious.

Jongin's disposition changed almost immediately once he opened his eyes. He smiled brightly at Chanyeol, though something was still off about it, but Jongin was already headed toward the exit rambling about what Chanyeol wanted for lunch.

"It's good weather for samgyetang, right?" said Jongin, walking backwards so he could talk to Chanyeol. In only a few days, Chanyeol's seen so many sides of him, but didn't know which was the real version of Jongin, or if he'd even been shown it yet. "I know the auntie who owns the place. She'll feed us for free."

"I do have money, you know," said Chanyeol, catching up to Jongin and falling in step.

"That's right, you're a fancy city boy."

"Living in the city is not why I have money."

"I didn't say that," said Jongin, grinning at Chanyeol. "You're from a city and you dress like it. Are my words wrong?"

Chanyeol rolled his eyes. "It makes me sound stuck up."

"Well, I know you're not."

"Oh yeah? How can you be so sure?"

They reached the car and Jongin paused on the driver's side, looking at Chanyeol much too intensely over the roof. "I don't know," he said, almost too quiet to hear. "I just am." He got in before Chanyeol could say anything, but Chanyeol didn't know what to say to that anyway.

Jongin had said he didn't want complicated, but Chanyeol had known from the beginning that getting involved with someone in any way, especially with a rule of no feelings, could only result in complicated. He dropped into the passenger seat and watched Jongin buckle in and turn on the ignition. He wanted to ask Jongin what he would do if Chanyeol didn't follow his rule. He wanted to ask Jongin if he could follow his own rule. He wanted to know if Jongin knew how he looked at Chanyeol and if he was just kidding himself pretending that there wasn't something more than physical between them.

But he didn't. He wouldn't. Past Chanyeol might, the same Chanyeol who dated men who just ended up treating him like garbage. He was supposed to be new Chanyeol now, a better Chanyeol who put himself first.

"I wouldn't turn down a free lunch though," said Chanyeol, happy to ignore the sudden seriousness in the air.

The corner of Jongin's mouth curved up. "Then you're in luck," he said, and the rest of the short ride into town was filled with stories of how much all the older folks loved him. A safe, sensible topic for two people who weren't looking for anything more than simple.

+

Lunch was relaxing. That was, if Chanyeol ignored the aunties and uncles both working at the restaurant and eating there as well who seemed intent on watching him and Jongin the entire time. They did it openly, their seniority on their side. Jongin must have noticed too, but was doing a much better job of pretending they weren't the main attraction in the room.

"As friends," Jongin said, refilling his water. "Do I get to know what your life is like in New York? I'm probably never going to be able to visit, so make it glamorous."

"Your brother was able to go," said Chanyeol, leaning forward. "Why couldn't you?"

Jongin offered that tight-lipped smile again. "There are reasons," he said, pointing his chopsticks at Chanyeol. "Don't change the subject."

Chanyeol sat back again. "I'm lucky," he said, scratching his cheek absently. "I have a good life. An almost TV-perfect kind of life. A well-paying job, a nice apartment in a new building next to Central Park."

"If that's your life then what were you thinking saying that you haven't achieved anything?"

Chanyeol shrugged. "I feel like I'm ticking off all the boxes to someone else's life. But still trying to be grateful because I know it could be a lot different." He picked at the side dishes. "I'm not unhappy, but I'm not happy either and I don't know what would make me happy."

"You have to have something that makes you happy. Even if it's just one thing in a pile of not great things."

"I can't think of anything," said Chanyeol, glancing up. "What's yours?"

Jongin hummed. "The time I get to spend with my family."

Chanyeol had to stop himself from snorting and took a sip of his water instead. He had to give Jongin credit for giving such a bullshit answer less than 24 hours from having slept together. The urge to confront Jongin about what he was doing with Chanyeol when he had a wife and kid at home was strong, but Chanyeol didn't want to risk causing a scene.

"I bet you're one of those people who think that everything they do needs to make them happy. But that's not reality."

"Oh, we're on the psychoanalysis part of this friendship, I see."

Jongin shrugged. "Am I wrong?"

"Am _I_ wrong for wanting that?"

"No, but it just means you're probably always going to be unhappy even when there are things in your life that are good. You're always going to be focusing on that last sliver, obsessing over what else you need for your life to be perfect."

"So I'm ambitious."

Jongin wrinkled his nose and Chanyeol couldn't help but feel like he was being negatively judged. "Happiness isn't some sales goal."

"It isn't something you should just settle for either."

Jongin's eyes narrowed. "You think I'm just settling?"

"I don't know," said Chanyeol. "You seem pretty bright, so I don't know why you're just waiting tables every day."

"Exactly," said Jongin, his voice too even, too calm. "You don't know why."

Chanyeol didn't need to call upon his carefully honed people skills to know he was dangerously close to crossing a line with Jongin. He had a lot of pride, but had learned over the years that his pride wasn't worth much. He made himself relax, sat back so his body language wasn't so on the offensive, and cleared his throat quietly. "Well," he said after a couple more awkward seconds, "I'm still trying to figure out what my thing is that makes me happy."

Jongin didn't fight him on that and they finished the meal in relative silence. Chanyeol stole glances in between bites and wondered just what he was supposed to learn from the other. All he had gleaned so far was that Jongin had multiple layers, none of which Chanyeol believed was his real self.

But the thing was, Chanyeol wanted to know. Because as much as it didn't make sense to him, the one thing which was clear was Jongin was certainly better off than Chanyeol. He was the one with the nice apartment, the high-paying job, the degree from a prestigious university, but even with all that, he was the one who was lost and Jongin living in this small village working a service job was the one living with such conviction of what he wanted, what was important to him.

Out of principle, Chanyeol didn't let the auntie comp their meal and insisted on paying for it. She finally accepted his money, but on one condition.

"You make sure to treat Jongin right."

"I'm sorry?" Chanyeol wanted to believe he heard wrong, but it had been quite clear.

"He's done his best, but deserves better," she said, as if she were talking about the weather, more focused on finding Chanyeol his change. "You seem like a nice boy."

To say that Chanyeol was taken aback was an understatement. It was not the kind of directness he expected from a place like this, where he thought someone like him and the life he lived was something that wasn't spoken about, or was purposely hand waved to be something else. "I — I'm just staying at his brother's place for a couple weeks. I'm not."

The auntie smiled and gave him his change, plus two candies. "Come back again if you can."

Speechless, Chanyeol left and met Jongin outside. He was on the phone again and lowered his voice noticeably when Chanyeol stepped out, even turning to face the other direction and walking a few steps away. Chanyeol let him be and took out his own phone, deciding to check in with Sehun. It was late in New York, but he knew Sehun kept weird hours anyway and would probably see his messages. He had almost told Sehun about Jongin when they slept together the first time, but had stopped when he remembered that Junmyeon was staying in his home. He was glad he hadn't said anything, not wanting to accidentally reveal to Junmyeon that his little brother might be cheating on his partner. He sent safer messages, just talking about the friendly people who lived here and how quiet it was, a kind of silence neither of them had ever experienced before. He said he didn't know yet, if this trip was helping or not.

"I'll come home for a bit right now, okay?"

Chanyeol glanced up as Jongin came back within earshot.

"Okay, love you too," said Jongin, quiet, but those words weren't difficult to make out. He hung up and approached Chanyeol. "I have to stop home before work, but I can drop you off first."

Chanyeol nodded. "Are things okay?"

"Yeah," said Jongin, heading to the car. "Just need to do something."

On the ride back, it struck Chanyeol that what the auntie at the restaurant said was odd. A town this small where everyone knew everyone, surely she would also know that Jongin was already in a relationship. If so, then why say what she did? Had she actually meant something else? Maybe she did mean as friends. Or maybe. Chanyeol couldn't make sense of it.

They had spent more than twelve hours together, but as they pulled up next to Junmyeon's house, Chanyeol thought he honestly didn't find out much more about Jongin other than he deeply disagreed with how Chanyeol approached life and happiness.

"I'll come by after work?" said Jongin, right as Chanyeol was about to close the door after climbing out. His voice was almost too soft to hear over the running engine. "If you'll still be awake."

"I'll be awake," said Chanyeol, gripping the edge of the door. It was a lot of hours between now and when Jongin ended his shift. It was probably a bad idea, but nothing in his head was making sense, so he just followed his gut and climbed back into the car. Jongin drew up in surprise and made a soft noise when Chanyeol leaned over the center and kissed him.

Part of Chanyeol was definitely still annoyed by earlier and the way Jongin tried to analyze him though he barely knew him. But at the same time, Chanyeol liked people who knew where they stood on things and especially appreciated when someone wasn't scared of challenging him. It was confusing, but not enough to dissuade him from doing this.

Chanyeol's elbow dug into the center console and Jongin's hands latched onto his shirt. It wasn't a chaste kiss by far, their tongues brushing together each time their mouths met, and finally Jongin pushed him away. Jongin's face was flush and his lips damp. Chanyeol had initiated the kiss to sate him until later, but he mostly made it much worse.

"I have to go," said Jongin, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. He stared a second too long at Chanyeol's lips.

"All right, see you later." Chanyeol exited the car and closed the door.

Jongin didn't look at him and drove off.

+

Chanyeol didn't do much for the rest of the day. He tidied up the house and did a couple loads of laundry, including the sheets. He accidentally napped for an hour after dinner, the sun already low in the sky, and woke up to mostly darkness. He showered and brushed his teeth to get the post-nap stale cotton taste out of his mouth. He figured he had a couple more hours until Jongin showed up, so he didn't expect a phone call — to a landline, something he hadn't used in years — from him right as he stepped out of the bathroom.

"Sorry, something came up. I can't make it."

Chanyeol told himself he wasn't disappointed. "Oh. Yeah, that's fine. I'll see you tomorrow?"

Jongin sighed. "Maybe. I'm not sure yet. I'll let you know."

Chanyeol didn't really know what to do after they hung up. He fell onto the bed and stared at the ceiling, feeling kind of gross that he had been looking forward to Jongin coming over again, to getting laid again. Maybe he'd jerk off and hope that was enough to make him fall asleep.

His own phone rang and he reached for it with a groan. On the screen, an incredibly unattractive snapshot of Sehun's face stared back at him.

"You're still alive," said Sehun when Chanyeol picked up the video call. His hair was all over the place, but he'd probably been up for a while and just didn't care enough to fix it.

"I am," said Chanyeol, sitting up against the headboard. "You on the other hand...look like you've been put through a wringer."

Sehun grinned, tired but...happy? "I feel great."

Chanyeol narrowed his eyes. The video quality wasn't the best, but he could now make out a multiple marks on Sehun's shoulder and neck. "You slept with someone, didn't you? You look like you got mauled."

"Can't kiss and tell," said Sehun, which didn't matter that much when two seconds later, someone familiar walked past behind Sehun and they were very much shirtless.

"Is that…?" Chanyeol squinted to get a better look, but Sehun quickly pointed the camera away. "Sehun."

"It's no one, just some guy," Sehun said.

"Just some guy?" the disembodied voice said from across the room. "Is that Chanyeol?"

"Oh my god, did you sleep with Junmyeon?"

At that moment, Junmyeon popped into frame over Sehun's shoulder. Sehun, meanwhile, had his other hand over his face. "Hi, Chanyeol," Junmyeon said, smiling like it was not at all unexpected for him to be walking around half-naked. "I'm doing well, thank you. How are you?"

Chanyeol sputtered. "Uh. Hi. Good. How, um, are you?"

Junmyeon settled next to Sehun on the couch, but much too close. "Really good! Your apartment is amazing. I keep telling Sehun I can't believe you get to look at Central Park every day."

Chanyeol heard the words, but was more invested in the way Sehun refused to make eye contact with the camera. "You two are getting along then," he said, offering a much tamer version of his previous accusation.

Junmyeon laughed and ruffled Sehun's hair. The way he looked at Sehun was the most telling, even when the video turned pixelated for a moment. "Yeah, we're getting along great. What about you? Not as much excitement as New York, I guess."

Chanyeol bit his lip. "Yeah, not much happening out here. It's calm."

"You can say boring," said Junmyeon and Chanyeol swore his arm was around Sehun off camera. "It's okay."

"No! It's nice out here. Quiet. You can even see the stars at night."

"Oh! I should call my brother and tell him to stop by. He's probably the only person anywhere close to your age in the area." Junmyeon started to type something on his phone.

"No, it's okay! It's late, you shouldn't disturb him."

Junmyeon shook his head. "He'll definitely be up. He works evenings. I should've told him sooner to stop by, I guess I was too distracted by my own trip to remember."

Chanyeol bit his lip. He didn't know what Jongin would say. Would he tell Junmyeon that they'd already met? Were they close enough that Jongin would say they'd even slept together?

"Why's your face doing that thing?" said Sehun, drawing Chanyeol's attention back. "That thing where you're hiding something."

"What?"

"It's getting worse," said Sehun. "How are you so good at lying for your job when you're the worst actor?"

"What could I possibly be hiding?"

"You tell me."

Junmyeon's mouth twisted to the side. "Jongin said you two have already met." He looked up at Chanyeol. "How come you didn't just say so?"

"Yeah, hyung," said Sehun mockingly. He was such a brat. Chanyeol should have kicked him out years ago. "How come you didn't just say so?"

"How come you two won't just admit you banged?" said Chanyeol.

Sehun turned pink in the face. "Fine! We slept together! We're both adults, there's no rule against it!"

For someone caught in the middle, Junmyeon looked way more amused than upset about the exchange happening in front of him. "Sehun is...compelling," he said with a small grin, which just made Sehun groan and duck his head.

"Stop, me and hyung sleeping together has nothing to do with you hiding that you've met Jongin already," said Sehun. Chanyeol could already see where this was going. Besides his mom, Sehun was the only other person who could best him. "Why would you focus on that? Why would you be weird about having met Junmyeon's brother?"

Chanyeol did the worst thing he could possibly do at that juncture — he stayed silent. This trip had seriously deteriorated his skills because not only did realization dawn on Sehun's face, but even Junmyeon seemed to connect the dots.

"Wow," said Junmyeon and Chanyeol could not, for the life of him, get a read on if that was a bad "wow" or really bad "wow". But it definitely had to be one of the two.

Sehun, still being annoying, just started laughing. Hard enough that he couldn't even hold the phone steady and Junmyeon had to take it from him. Junmyeon left Sehun on the couch, but Chanyeol still heard a very clear "you fucked me, and your brother fucked him, what is happening!" in between the hysterical laughter. He didn't particularly feel like breaking that down right now.

"So, you and my brother," said Junmyeon, sitting at the kitchen island from what Chanyeol could tell. "That's unexpected."

Chanyeol wondered if he could get away with hanging up and pretending the connection went out. He'd probably just get a real phone call in that case. "It wasn't — I didn't. I mean, I wasn't _looking_ to. With him. On purpose." The only thing that would have made this more uncomfortable would be if he was having this conversation with Jongin's parents instead.

It was a shock when Junmyeon actually laughed. "You don't have to be so scared. I'm not mad. You two are grown adults too."

That Junmyeon was amused by this development really confused Chanyeol. Out of anyone, Junmyeon had to know at least something about Jongin's private life, so if he wasn't concerned that Jongin was doing something wrong then Chanyeol couldn't contain his curiosity anymore.

"Jongin's not with anyone, is he?"

"With?" said Junmyeon, distracted for a moment when Sehun joined him again after composing himself. They looked a bit too comfortable with each other and Chanyeol made a note to call Sehun again later about that. "Like, dating?"

Chanyeol bit his lip. "He kept getting calls from someone named Jihyo."

A look of understanding came over Junmyeon and he suddenly grew more serious. "Yeah, I'm not surprised Jongin didn't tell you about her." He scratched behind his ear. "I think he'd get pretty angry with me if I told you, but I — how much do you like him, Chanyeol?"

"What?"

"He's my baby brother and I'm always going to look out for him first. If you guys are just having some fun, that's one thing, but is it more than that?"

Chanyeol absolutely was not prepared to address that now of all times, but it was happening anyway. Jongin had made it clear that feelings weren't to be involved, but Chanyeol was too tired to play mental gymnastics around the truth. He'd done the random hookup, one night stand thing before. He knew what it felt like when the attraction was purely physical and maybe it was like that the first night, but last night and earlier today he definitely couldn't say the same.

He groaned and rubbed the bridge of his nose. "This is not the soul searching I meant when I flew 14 hours for this."

Junmyeon seemed sympathetic. "I'll send you his address. Go talk to him tomorrow if there's something there. And tell him not to be too mad at me."

They chatted about more mundane things after that. Chanyeol was glad Junmyeon was enjoying himself, at least a lot more carefree than he was. He did wonder, listening to Junmyeon talk about visiting the Met today, if Sehun knew how he was looking at Junmyeon. It was a little surprising. Sehun, the whole time they've known each other, had always been a serial dater. He liked the flirting, the game of who ended up asking who to go home first, the bragging rights of how many dicks he's had in him. But the only times Chanyeol had seen any of Sehun's partners was when they accidentally crossed paths in the mornings while Chanyeol answered emails over coffee. He'd give them a curt nod and they'd be out the door a few seconds later. Sehun never brought them up unless it was to complain about how sore his backside was.

So Chanyeol didn't think it was outrageous for him to find Sehun's behavior now strange. Sehun had his arms wrapped around Junmyeon's waist and hadn't moved his chin from Junmyeon's shoulder the entire time. Mostly, he was smiling in that absent way where a person didn't even know they were doing it. Like he was just happy to hear Junmyeon speak. It was wild, Chanyeol thought, what these two siblings have done to them.

After they hung up, Chanyeol continued to lie there and stared at the ceiling. He respected Junmyeon for not wanting to violate his brother's privacy, but at the same time he was awful when it came to not knowing secrets. The address Junmyeon sent him was about a fifteen minute drive and he wondered how early he could show up without it being weird. Though anytime was probably going to be weird. Hey, I'm here because I'm really paranoid about your phantom lover.

It was frustrating because it didn't even seem like he and Jongin got along outside of the bedroom. It shouldn't be anything more than physical and yet Chanyeol wanted to know what else he could say that would make Jongin get testy with him. That small glimpse was enough to hook Chanyeol and he just needed to be reeled in. Which seemed like a worse idea, because it didn't change that he was still leaving in a week, that even if he discovered Jongin miraculously also felt some pull, a nearly 7,000 mile distance was surely too long to be worth it.

It took a long time for Chanyeol to fall asleep, planning out what he was going to say tomorrow. In the end, he still wasn't really sure.


	3. Chapter 3

Right on schedule, the roosters ripped Chanyeol from slumber. The sun was just starting to rise and without looking at the clock, he figured it was barely after six in the morning. He didn't remember falling asleep and was in the same position he last remembered, limbs spread out. His phone was still next to his hand.

He knew he wasn't going to go back to sleep, so he rolled out of bed and decided to go for a run. It wasn't any less frigid outside this morning than all the others and Chanyeol started cursing the moment he stepped outside. He ran for just half an hour, long enough to cover most of the village neighborhood. Some of the residents were outside too, going through their own morning chores, and Chanyeol waved to them when they called out. His morning runs in Central Park were nothing like this. At home, the goal was to block out as much outside noise as possible and to make eye contact with no one except the dogs also getting in their exercise. It was a nice change to want to be friendly to people.

The sun was mostly up by the time he returned. He showered, made a quick breakfast, and figured he'd waited long enough. Jongin was up early when he stayed the night, so it was probably fine.

Jongin's home was similar to Junmyeon's, though slightly bigger. There was a tricycle parked next to the large bench in the front yard. Large clay jars were meticulously arranged along one side and a sturdy maple tree, its branches bare, was on the other. Chanyeol could see some movement inside as he walked up, but couldn't tell if it was Jongin. There wasn't actually a doorbell; Chanyeol figured a neighborhood like this, people just announced themselves. He rapped on the doorframe instead and yes, definitely Jongin's voice coming through.

The door slid open and Jongin gaped at him. "Hyung. How are you — how did you—"

"Hi. Sorry for showing up like this." Chanyeol really should have practiced this part more. "I was talking to Junmyeon last night and he said it might be good for me to talk to you. He didn't say anything else though! So, don't be mad at him." Chanyeol felt so out of sorts. If he ever gave a presentation that poor at work, he'd be fired on the spot.

The sound of feet pattering across the floor drew Chanyeol's attention. Jongin was still stonily silent and Chanyeol's mouth was open, ready to give more excuses, but it snapped shut when a little girl, maybe three or four years old, appeared from behind Jongin's legs.

"Daddy, who's this?"

It shouldn't have been so surprising to see a child given the signals were all there. But still, Chanyeol didn't know what to say and watched Jongin crouch down until he was eye level with her.

"Just a friend of mine," he said, glancing between her and Chanyeol nervously. "Weren't you watching cartoons with grandpa?"

Instead of answering, the little girl continued to stare up at Chanyeol, her eyes round and dark. She gave a small wave and Chanyeol couldn't help but melt a little and returned it. "Hello. How are you?"

"Good," she replied, almost inaudible.

"Jihyo-yah," said Jongin, and it took a second for Chanyeol to do a double take. "Go help set the table, okay?"

The little girl, Jihyo, nodded and gave Chanyeol a smile before running back into the house. Jongin stood up again and gave Chanyeol an awkward smile.

"Her name is Jihyo," said Chanyeol, laughing a little. "She's your daughter."

Jongin expression morphed into one of confusion. "Yes?"

Chanyeol waved his hands in front of himself. "Sorry, I just. I saw her name on your phone the other day and I started thinking all these ridiculous things like you having a girlfriend or something and that I was, you know."

Jongin smiled. "A shameful gay one night stand?"

Chanyeol coughed. "Something like that."

"Jongin? Who's at the door? You're letting a draft in."

Jongin looked panicked in the moment before the door opened wider and a woman, older and sharing the same eyes as Jongin, appeared next to him.

"Who's this?"

"Um, mom, this is Chanyeol," said Jongin after a second of awkward silence. "You know the trip hyung took to New York."

"You're that Chanyeol?" she said, smiling brightly as she reached forward and took Chanyeol's wrist. "Come in, come in! Jongin, I can't believe you'd let a guest freeze outside like this."

"Mom," said Jongin as Chanyeol stumbled inside. "I'm sure Chanyeol has plans."

"Plans? Out here in the middle of nowhere?" She laughed and found a pair of slippers for Chanyeol. "It's not even eight yet." She patted Chanyeol's arm. "You're just in time for breakfast."

Chanyeol stood there awkwardly after she left, not knowing whether to look at Jongin or not. But Jongin cleared his throat and stuck his hands in his pockets and said, "Come on, you can help set the table too so you're not a freeloader."

Chanyeol's laughter felt like champagne bubbles in his chest.

+

Chanyeol met Jongin's dad too, who was a bit shorter than Jongin and had a kind face. Jongin's parents reminded Chanyeol of his own. His mom, like Chanyeol's, was definitely the decision-maker of the household.

Jongin gave him a small tour of the house. It was obvious it was a very lived-in home and there were lots of family photos on the walls. None of them, though, included anyone who could be Jihyo's mother. Chanyeol had a lot of questions and there wasn't really a good way to lead into them. Jongin noticed his discomfort.

"You can ask," he said, after showing Chanyeol his father's study. There were framed scrolls of gorgeous calligraphy on the walls which were written by his dad. "You look like you're going to implode."

Chanyeol smiled, sheepish. "Are you divorced?"

Jongin shook his head and walked over to the window, looking outside while he spoke. "Never married. Jihyo is adopted. She was my grade school best friend's daughter."

"Was?"

Jongin turned around and leaned against the windowsill. "Her mom was in an accident six months after Jihyo was born and passed away. The real dad wasn't in the picture and her parents…" He trailed off and shrugged one shoulder. "I already adored Jihyo, so I told her grandparents I'd adopt her. They were fine with that."

"Wow." Chanyeol didn't know what else to say. Suddenly a lot of the things others had told him about Jongin made more sense. The few glimpses Jongin had allowed him into his world did too. "I'm sorry I made assumptions."

Jongin smiled. "You couldn't have guessed. I'm surprised you didn't ask sooner since you saw my phone and the car seat."

"I didn't want to be nosy."

"Right." Jongin smiled and considered Chanyeol. "So you thought I was cheating on someone with you, but you were going to sleep with me again?"

Chanyeol sputtered. "I mean. I didn't know for sure. And it wasn't my problem. And why didn't you just tell me first! Why be so secretive?"

Jongin grew more serious again. "Confessing I'm a single dad doesn't really have anything to do with a hookup. It didn't seem to matter either since you're just visiting. It's not like we're — you know."

"Aren't we?" said Chanyeol, casual even though he was watching Jongin intently.

Jongin's jaw tensed. "We're not."

"You have to admit there's something."

"It's not enough to be worth considering."

Chanyeol took a couple steps toward him and Jongin's shoulders tensed up too. "So you do agree there's something."

"That's not what I said." Jongin took a breath, but whatever he did want to say was interrupted by Jihyo running in suddenly. She sped by Chanyeol's legs and grabbed onto Jongin's.

"Daddy! Breakfast!"

Jongin picked her up with a heave and set her on his hip. "Breakfast is ready? We better go then!" The 180 shift in his demeanor was startling to Chanyeol.

"Tall oppa too," she said, more shy this time, hiding her face in Jongin's neck but peering at Chanyeol. Chanyeol's heart turned into goo.

"Tall oppa?" said Jongin. "Did grandma tell you to use that?" When Jihyo nodded, he sighed and gave Chanyeol a beleaguered look which only worsened when Chanyeol beamed back with pride.

Jongin went first and Jihyo watched Chanyeol over his shoulder. She giggled when Chanyeol made faces in the hallway, but he made his expression neutral when Jongin looked back.

The amount of food on the dining table was ridiculous and Chanyeol was someone who could eat a lot. He felt burdened.

At the same time, Jongin rolled his eyes and said, "He's not the president."

"Thank goodness because I wouldn't have enough food in this entire house for that," Jongin's mom said. She ushered Chanyeol and Jongin into their chairs while she and Jihyo sat across the table.

Jongin's dad came in last and asked Chanyeol how his trip had been so far as they all started to eat. Chanyeol was impressed he didn't immediately choke given the first thing that popped into his mind was sleeping with Jongin. Twice.

"Good," he said, with maybe a bit too much enthusiasm. "It's very relaxing here. It's what I was looking for."

"Junmyeon has been sending us so many photos of your home and all the things he's doing," Jongin's mom said. "You seem like a very successful young man."

"I'm definitely lucky, yeah," said Chanyeol, a little uncomfortable even at implying that he might be well off. It wasn't that he thought Jongin's family was poor, but people were always a little weird talking about money.

"You don't have to be like that. Your parents must be very proud of you."

"They are, yes."

"And your girlfriend as well?"

Chanyeol was sure he immediately began sweating bullets. Next to him, Jongin barely paused and reached across Chanyeol for a side dish. "No, I uh. No girlfriend."

"Are you already married?" said Jongin's dad. He leaned in. "I didn't see a ring."

"No." Chanyeol laughed awkwardly. "I'm very single."

"You'll find someone soon, I'm sure," Jongin's mom said, and Chanyeol swore her gaze flickered to Jongin for a moment.

"Mother."

"We're just making conversation," said Jongin's mom as she spooned more side dishes into Chanyeol's bowl, despite Chanyeol's gentle objections. Chanyeol had forgotten what that was like. These days when he went home, his mom barely paid him any attention, saying a grown adult like him could take care of himself. Which was certainly preferable to the alternative, back when she'd ask on their weekly calls just when he was going to settle down. The fact that she didn't ask much anymore had Chanyeol wondering if she's given up, especially now that his older sister had gotten married.

"A lot of people go to New York thinking they'll fall in love," said Chanyeol, not knowing why he was volunteering to stay on the subject. "Then they find out it's nothing like that. The city moves too fast and everyone minds their own business just trying to get by one day at a time."

Jongin's mom hummed. "Yes, you have to slow down for it to find you."

This time, Chanyeol was sure of the message behind the words, but he didn't say anything else. Next to him, Jongin looked uncomfortable, perhaps even upset, so he pivoted the conversation as naturally as he could, asking Jongin's mom what her secret was that the side dishes were so good.

After they ate, Chanyeol helped with cleaning up. He cleared the table and began washing the dishes, insisting it relaxed him.

"We were going to leave today to spend the holidays with my parents in the city," Jongin's mom said, helping to dry. "But I don't like the thought of you being left alone in this tiny village. I'll ask Jongin to stay."

"What? No," said Chanyeol, waving one soapy hand. "No, you shouldn't do that. I came here knowing I'd be spending Christmas alone."

"You want to be alone?"

The idea of it actually sounded miserable when Chanyeol remembered how much the first couple of days sucked when he had been by himself. He didn't answer fast enough though and Jongin's mom patted his arm.

"It's decided," she said and headed back out to the living room, calling for Jongin.

Chanyeol finished up the last few bowls, but could hear Jongin arguing with his mom despite trying to be quiet about it. He assumed Jongin was not as enthused about the idea.

"We'll take Jihyo with us."

"What? No, I'm not spending Christmas without my daughter!"

Chanyeol wiped his hands and figured he should just get it over with. "He really doesn't have to stay," he said, standing by the kitchen awkwardly, feeling like he did when he first shot up in height and towered over all his classmates, taking up too much space. "You should keep your plans."

"Jihyo can stay then too," said Jongin's mom.

"What — mother —"

"Don't 'mother' me," she said, going over to the couch where Jihyo was watching cartoons. "It's terrible to spend the holidays alone. Sweetheart, how about you and your daddy stay here with tall oppa so he's not by himself for Christmas?"

Jihyo barely tore her eyes away from the TV. "Okay."

"It's settled then," Jongin's mom said, this time her tone leaving room for no more objections. "I'm going to finish packing. There should be plenty of food in the fridge for you boys."

Jongin was still sulking when she left the room and Chanyeol didn't know what to say. Jihyo kept looking at him, trying not to be suspicious, but given she was a toddler her stealth wasn't great. Chanyeol went over and joined her on the couch.

"What are you watching?"

Jihyo didn't answer and just pointed to the screen. Chanyeol, understandably, hadn't watched toddler cartoons for over two decades and the shows now were unrecognizable to him. There were a lot of anthropomorphic airplanes on screen.

"Is this your favorite?" said Chanyeol. Jihyo shook her head. "What is?"

"Pororo. It's next."

That was a name Chanyeol knew, though he'd never seen any of it. "Can I watch with you?"

Jihyo nodded and as if Chanyeol had passed some test, she scooted closer and leaned against Chanyeol's arm. "Do you do the voices?"

"Voices?" said Chanyeol, looking over at Jongin in confusion. Jongin's face was unreadable, his body language still defensive, and Chanyeol thought for a moment he didn't like that Chanyeol was talking to Jihyo.

"She means if you can imitate the Pororo characters. I do it for her sometimes."

Chanyeol nodded in understanding. "I don't," he said to Jihyo. "But I learn pretty fast."

Jihyo seemed to be satisfied with this answer and turned her attention back to the cartoon. Chanyeol smiled and patted the top of her head.

"She's a good kid," he said, looking over at Jongin again.

"Of course she is," said Jongin, but it wasn't defensive, just proud. "She's a lot like her mom, which I suppose I'm relieved about." He came over and sat on Jihyo's other side. The way his eyes immediately softened watching his daughter plucked at Chanyeol's heartstrings. He and Sehun had always been suckers when it came to Lifetime and Hallmark movies, so he didn't bother denying it.

Chanyeol had more questions than earlier, but he didn't know if he was allowed to ask more than what Jongin had told him before breakfast. He didn't want to ask them in front of Jihyo anyway and filed them away for later. They still needed to finish their conversation anyhow.

"We can just tell your mom you and Jihyo kept me company," said Chanyeol. "You should have a nice Christmas with her instead of babysitting me."

Jongin shrugged. "It's fine," he said, pointing his thumb at Jihyo. "My mother will ask this one for details when she gets back anyway and she's going to tell the truth."

Chanyeol smiles. "In that case, we should celebrate properly."

Jongin quirked his brow. "Properly?"

Chanyeol nodded and gestures around the room. "There's no decorations or even a tree. We have to fix that."

"Christmas is in two days."

"I guess that means we have to go shopping today. We can make a day trip out of it, go into the city."

Jihyo turned her little head toward him. "A trip?"

"Jihyo," Jongin warned, but Chanyeol latched onto her attention.

"A trip!" said Chanyeol, smiling wide. "To buy decorations and fun things for Christmas. Do you want to go?"

Jihyo gave her first real smile to Chanyeol and nodded, but looked back at Jongin. "Daddy, can we go?"

Jongin seemed like he was trying hard to hide his frustration in front of Jihyo. "I," he started and looked pointedly at Chanyeol. "I don't have that much to spend."

"Well, I do," said Chanyeol. "And I want to buy presents for Jihyo for obviously being a good girl for her father and grandparents this year and I'm the oldest, so you'll just have to let me do what I want."

"Hyung," Jongin said, a little whiny and Chanyeol had to hold back a laugh. He felt like he was finally starting to see Jongin's real self and thought it was cute that he seemed like a child himself.

"Decision's been made!" Chanyeol said, holding his hands up. "We leave after Pororo."

Just in time as the Pororo opening song started playing. Jihyo tugged on Chanyeol's arm. "This is Pororo's voice!"

"Right, yes I need to pay attention," Chanyeol said, and lifted Jihyo onto his lap. "Oh, his voice is kind of high, I don't know if I'll be good at it." He gave a fake worried glance in Jongin's direction, who glared good-naturedly at him.

When Jongin's parents came back to the living room with a few bags between them, Chanyeol was attempting his best Pororo voice with Jihyo giving very serious critiques and Jongin was holding his stomach from laughing so hard because Jihyo kept finding something to nitpick even though Chanyeol thought he sounded almost exactly the same.

"Be good looking after the house," Jongin's dad said.

Chanyeol expected Jongin's mom to say something too, but when he looked over she was just smiling and waved at them before following Jongin's father out.

The house seemed quieter once the door closed behind them. Chanyeol set Jihyo on her feet and placed his hands on her shoulders. "Well. I think it's time we head out too. Lots of things to buy!"

Jihyo grinned and ran over to the door, plopping down as she tried to tug her purple snow boots on.

"Jihyo-yah," said Jongin, going over to her. "You're getting your pants dirty." He grabbed her coat along with a hat and mittens that were tied together. Chanyeol watched him help her into them and smiled after Jongin tapped her nose when he finished. Jongin stood up and turned back to Chanyeol. "Well? Do you need help getting dressed too?"

Chanyeol didn't, but he did want to hug Jongin desperately. He shook his head and smiled, walking toward them. He grabbed his coat from the closet and slipped it on. A weight fell over his neck and he realized Jongin had put his scarf on for him. He watched in silence as Jongin looped it around once carefully and then tied the ends so it was snug. "Thanks," he said, even though Jongin didn't make eye contact and moved away to put on his own coat.

"Come on," Jongin said, nudging Jihyo forward as he opened the door.

They took Jongin's car since they needed the car seat for Jihyo. Chanyeol watched Jongin strap her in before getting into the passenger side.

"Onwards!" said Chanyeol, mostly to make Jihyo laugh, but when he managed a smile out of Jongin too, that made him happier than anything else.

+

The biggest city was a forty minute drive. Chanyeol continued to provide entertainment with a rendition of popular American Christmas songs, his most enthusiastic of course being Mariah Carey.

There was a mall in the city center and it was clear that other people had the same idea of visiting. Lights decorated the inside and holiday displays lined the stores. It was possibly even more Christmassey than New York, which was saying something.

"Okay," said Chanyeol, all business once they stepped inside. "We need a tree, lights, ornaments, stockings, and any other decorations you can find."

Jongin made a weird face. "Why?"

"What do you mean why? To celebrate Christmas."

"That's how you celebrate Christmas?"

"How do you do it here?"

Jongin shrugged. "Say Merry Christmas and then gift each other money."

Chanyeol's mouth fell open in shock. "That's depressing." He shook his head. "No, this year, you're getting the American version."

Jongin rolled his eyes. "I don't know if you're going to find any of those things for sale."

Chanyeol scanned the stores around them and was dejected to find Jongin might be right. Despite the absolute overkill level of decorations, the actual merchandise for sale was still all normal. "Seriously? Not even lights?"

"We'll find you some lights, you big baby."

"Baby?" said Jihyo from her stroller. "Where?"

"Tall oppa is acting like one," said Jongin, leaning over to look at her upside down. He made a face and she laughed. "What do you want for Christmas, sweetie?"

"Daddy!"

Jongin laughed. "You already have me."

"More daddy at home," she said. Jongin's expression faltered, but Chanyeol pretended he didn't see.

"I think I saw a store selling lights and decorations over there," said Chanyeol, pointing toward the other end of the mall. It was a lie and Jongin probably knew too, but he smiled some, a little tense, and nodded for Chanyeol to lead the way.

There did happen to be some shops selling decorations. If there was one thing Chanyeol appreciated about Korea was their commitment to concepts and themes. The store they went into looked like Christmas had vomited all over the place.

"This is the best place ever," said Chanyeol, stopping to look at nearly everything and they were still by the entrance. Chanyeol already knew the dinky shopping basket wasn't going to fit everything.

"I forbid you from buying everything here."

Chanyeol's mouth dropped. "How dare you," he said, faking offense. "I have self-control. I don't have to buy everything, just 90% of it." He dropped down to where Jihyo was also staring wide-eyed, jaw dropped at the lights and tinsel and mini reindeer figurines. "Jihyo-yah, which ones do you like? Tall oppa will buy it for you."

"Hyung," said Jongin, but Chanyeol simply shook his head at him.

"I have a vacation slush fund just for these kinds of things," Chanyeol said, lifting Jihyo out and taking her hand. "Whatever you want, you're the boss today."

Jihyo smiled, a bit shy but also a bit mischievous as if she really understood just how much damage she could do to Chanyeol's wallet. It didn't matter. He really did have a vacation slush fund and sure, he never would have predicted that this is what he'd be spending it on, but he had absolutely zero regrets as Jihyo dragged them from one aisle to another.

The basket filled with tinsel and ornaments and little figurines of winter villages. Every once in a while Jongin would snatch something small from the basket while Jihyo had Chanyeol's attention and put it back, but for the most part the items stayed.

Halfway through, Chanyeol spotted something amazing across the store. He excused himself for a moment and grabbed a set, clutching it to his chest when Jongin spotted what it was.

"No," said Jongin and Chanyeol pouted.

"Yes. I have to. I was destined."

Jongin sighed and rubbed his face, presumably understanding he was not going to win this one.

"It'll be great!" said Chanyeol, ushering them along to the next aisle.

Jihyo picked out a few more things, but once they were done the basket in Chanyeol's hands was overflowing. It made him quite happy and he supposed it was obvious and the only reason why Jongin didn't make him put anything else back.

They went to the food court after, which Chanyeol was fine with Jongin paying for. They received a couple of odd looks, possibly because they were two men with a toddler, or perhaps it was just the tinsel threatening to burst out of the three giant bags with him that caught people's eye. Jongin ignored it and so Chanyeol did too.

They found a booth tucked into the side of the food court where there was slightly less people. Jihyo wiggled happily to the holiday music playing overhead when Chanyeol lifted her onto the seat next to Jongin.

"Can I ask something?" said Chanyeol once they had gotten their food.

"Sure."

"Do your parents know? That you like, you know, boys."

Jongin raised an eyebrow. "What a mature question."

Chanyeol rolled his eyes, but shrugged, poking around at his food. "You don't have to answer."

Jongin spooned some rice into Jihyo's mouth. "They know," he said after a beat. "We've never actually spoken about it, but they stopped asking me when I was going to get married or telling me about women my age in the next town over a couple years ago. I don't know, maybe they just don't care now that they have a grandchild."

"What about your brother? He didn't adopt a kid, do they know about him?"

Jongin gave him an odd look. "What do you mean do they know about him?"

Chanyeol realized then that Jongin hadn't heard about the part of Junmyeon's vacation spent in Sehun's bed. "I just mean — you know. If they keep pestering him about getting married."

"He'll get a couple of comments, I guess. Maybe if he still lived with us."

Chanyeol didn't know why Junmyeon didn't ask him to keep his development with Sehun a secret if Jongin didn't seem to know that his brother also was okay sleeping with guys. A food court also was a terrible place for Chanyeol to push further in case he let something slip he shouldn't.

"I think your parents still want you to find someone."

Jongin snorted, feeding Jihyo some more. "Right. Well, if there's a guy out there into single dads who works evening shifts at a restaurant, I guess he can come find me."

Chanyeol frowned. Sure, they both knew he was going to be leaving in less than a week, but now that all of the things he'd been worried about going to this were revealed to be misunderstandings, he wasn't sure why Jongin still spoke as if there wasn't something between them. Or why Jongin suddenly was being so self-deprecating when just a couple days ago he was staunchly defending what he did, why he lived his life a certain way.

He decided to drop it, not wanting to make Jongin upset while they were out and certainly not in front of Jihyo. He watched Jongin with her for a little bit, how sweet he was with her, and the way both their faces lit up when they laughed. Jihyo could probably eat on her own, but the food he guessed had the potential to be messy enough that Jongin didn't want to bother.

But Jongin's own lunch sat nearly untouched in front of him and Chanyeol cleared his throat, reaching for the spoon in Jongin's hand. "I can do it for a little while," he said, almost prying the utensil away when Jongin looked at him oddly. "You've barely eaten yours and it's going to get cold."

Chanyeol copied what Jongin had been doing, spooning half bites into Jihyo's mouth. She didn't seem to care that Chanyeol was feeding her now and dutifully kept taking in the sights around her as she chewed. Jongin stared for a few seconds until Chanyeol glared half-heartedly to make him eat.

Eventually Jihyo had enough and Chanyeol kept her entertained with silly faces and voices and just talking to her. She understood the things he said even if he said them as if to another adult, which Chanyeol thought was pretty incredible, but he hadn't been around kids this long for a while. Still, he thought Jihyo seemed to be extra clever for her age and said as much to Jongin after they left.

"Yeah, I don't know what I'm going to do with her," said Jongin, his smile both proud and worried. "For now it's fine, but I want her to go to good schools but there's not a lot of schools period when you're out in the rural areas."

"I'm sure it'll work out by then," Chanyeol said, but he knew he didn't come off very reassuring. Jongin seemed to appreciate the effort anyhow.

They spent another hour walking around. Chanyeol bought a few more things that Jihyo seemed to like, flat out ignoring when Jongin protested. He got her toys and clothes, but also some things for Jongin too which at one point he thought Jongin might actually fistfight him, but his own stubbornness won out.

"You're infuriating," said Jongin, watching Chanyeol buy him a new sweater. It was dark green and incredibly soft and Chanyeol just couldn't stop thinking how nice Jongin was going to look in it.

"I'm just leaning into the holiday spirit," said Chanyeol, adding another shopping bag to their collection. They had a lot, but it wasn't as if this place was the equivalent of the fancy stores of SoHo at home. Chanyeol mentally did some calculations and knew they hadn't spent anything close to what he'd consider excessive. But he knew better than to use that argument right now.

They were on their way out when Jongin was the one who wanted to stop at one more store. By now Jihyo was exhausted and napping in her stroller.

"I want to get something for my dad," said Jongin, glancing at some benches outside the store. "I don't want to drag all of this in there. Do you mind watching her?"

"Sure." Chanyeol spent just ten minutes sitting there while Jihyo snoozed on. He smiled and adjusted her head a tad when it began drooping at an odd angle. Jongin came back with a small paper bag and Chanyeol stood up, pushing the stroller around.

"Ready?" Jongin said, reaching for the handles, but Chanyeol brushed him off.

"You've been pushing her all morning," he said. "It's not that far to the parking lot."

Jongin didn't put up a fight. They made it to the car a short while later and Jongin carefully transferred her into the car seat while Chanyeol loaded up their haul into the back. He struggled at the very end with trying to figure out how to collapse the stroller, the contraption just a big puzzle and Jongin came around to help, amused.

"You just push this button and like, tug," said Jongin, showing Chanyeol and the stroller folded up easily. Chanyeol shook his head and tucked it into the back. When he straightened, Jongin seemed close suddenly. It hadn't escaped his notice that the morning had been nice, exceedingly domestic even, and he couldn't imagine Jongin not noticing either. He knew the picture they painted right now, could easily be two parents out for last minute holiday shopping. The thought of it didn't terrify Chanyeol and he wondered if that in itself was the terrifying thing.

"Thanks," said Jongin, waving absently at all the bags stuffed into the trunk, "for all this."

Chanyeol nodded. "I don't get to do this a lot actually. I really liked it, so I guess I should say thanks too."

Jongin kept staring at him and if it hadn't been cold outside, Chanyeol was sure he'd be sweating from the scrutinization. Chanyeol clapped his hands and pointed at the car.

"Guess we should head back now."

Jongin nodded and took a step back, hesitant, then finally tore his gaze away and walked around to the driver's side. Chanyeol's pulse was hammering for no reason and missed the handle when he went to open the passenger door. Get it together, he thought, not even knowing why he was suddenly so off balance.

Inside, Chanyeol buckled up and sat back, but they weren't moving. The car wasn't even on still. He looked over at Jongin. "Something wrong?"

Jongin shook his head and turned on the ignition. "No," he said softly over the hum of the engine. "Everything's fine."

+

"Hot chocolate time!" was the first thing Chanyeol yelled when they got home. They had stopped at a supermarket on the way back and had picked up some plus instant coffee when Jongin said his parents house didn't have any.

"Am I staying over?" Chanyeol had said, staring at Jongin when he'd picked up a box of them.

It had seemed Jongin hadn't even realized he made the assumption and he'd gone to put the coffee back, but Chanyeol had been too quick, snatching it from him and putting it in the basket.

Chanyeol hadn't known how or why the Jongin of earlier who was against even spending any time with him had disappeared, but he wasn't going to linger on it.

There were more important things, like making hot chocolate and having Jihyo decide how high to put the lights up by the window and what color tinsel to decorate the TV with. Despite all the sugar in the hot chocolate, Jihyo's energy fizzled out in the afternoon from all the activity and Jongin put her down for a nap in his room while Chanyeol finished putting snowflake decals on the window.

Chanyeol took the decorating very seriously and didn't notice Jongin returning until he caught the other's reflection in the window standing right behind him. He startled with a shout and held his chest, making Jongin look at him in amusement. "Make some noise next time instead of just creeping up on someone like that."

"I did, maybe your hearing is just terrible."

Chanyeol finished applying the last sticker and stood back to admire his work.

"This is what you do back home?"

Chanyeol glanced at Jongin. "Yeah, more or less. Sehun and I do the whole tree thing and put up lights. Neither of us grew up really celebrating it, but it's hard not to get into the spirit when you're in New York."

"Odd," said Jongin, shaking his head.

"It's fun!" said Chanyeol, throwing his hands out to gesture at how the house looked now. "Come on, it's prettier like this, right? It'll be better at night with the lights on."

Jongin smiled a little and sat down on the couch. Chanyeol joined him and with the decorating finished, now there was just a slightly awkward silence. He didn't know what Jongin was thinking and couldn't really tell what mood he was in.

"You're good with kids," said Jongin suddenly. "Jihyo doesn't meet a lot of new people and I was worried she'd be scared, but she likes you a lot."

Chanyeol smiled. "It's probably because I'm practically a kid myself," he said, then nudged Jongin's arm. "You've also raised her pretty well. She's easy to like."

"I had no clue what I was doing," said Jongin with a dry laugh. "I still don't. If I weren't living here with my parents to help I don't want to think about what'd be different."

Chanyeol shook his head. "Give yourself more credit. You're a really good dad."

Jongin stayed quiet, but covered his face and Chanyeol panicked slightly when after a bit, Jongin sniffled and his shoulders jerked how they did when a person cried. Chanyeol didn't know why Jongin was upset when he had complimented him.

"No, what?" said Chanyeol uselessly. "Why are you crying?" He didn't know if he should, but did it anyway, sliding his arms around Jongin and pulling him in. Jongin didn't reject him, but got louder and hid his face in Chanyeol's chest. "What's wrong? What did I say?"

Jongin didn't answer and Chanyeol frowned, rubbing Jongin's back and petting his hair. He thought about how much pressure it probably was to be a new parent, especially when Jongin became one under terrible circumstances. He wouldn't have been able to do it, he was certain.

"You are a great dad," said Chanyeol again, squeezing Jongin lightly. "She clearly adores you."

"I'm not around enough," said Jongin, sitting up again and wiping at his eyes, facing away from Chanyeol. "I knew that I should spend time with her more, but I didn't think she noticed."

Chanyeol remembered earlier at the mall, when Jihyo had wanted as her gift more of her dad. He put his hand on Jongin's arm. "All kids want to see their parents more. It's when they become ungrateful teenagers that they want the opposite." His attempt at joking didn't really have any effect. Jongin's eyes and nose were red and he stared off across the room. Chanyeol slid his hand lower and took Jongin's, linking their fingers together. "Now that you know, you can be home more."

Jongin shook his head. "I can't. She's going to school soon. She already grows out of her clothes so fast. I'm going to need cash so she can go to after-school classes. And we can't live with my parents forever."

It was as if Chanyeol was seeing a different person. He didn't think Jongin had planned on sharing this part of himself, not with the way he had behaved around Chanyeol the past few days. He wondered how long Jongin had been keeping all this to himself. If they switched places, Chanyeol didn't think he could even do what Jongin did every day.

"I'd do anything to give her the best life, but I don't even know if I'm going to see any of it."

"Don't say that, of course you will." Chanyeol turned and brought his other hand up to cup Jongin's face. "Didn't I tell you? You're enough."

Jongin's eyes bore into Chanyeol's. For a moment, Chanyeol thought something might happen, but Jongin shook out of it and shifted away, putting some space between them and tugged his hand from Chanyeol's. He cleared his throat and rubbed at his eyes. "I think I'm going to take a nap too," he said, standing up. He waved his hand around. "Help yourself to anything."

As much as Chanyeol wanted to, he didn't stop Jongin from disappearing into his room. The door clicked shut and the house suddenly felt eerily silent. Chanyeol didn't know what to do and it was still too early to call Sehun and tell him everything.

He was feeling a bit sluggish too, the early morning now catching up to him. He laid down on the couch, which was just short enough that he had to curl up a little to fit. He wished Jongin hadn't run off like that, wished they could've talked more. The small glimpse into the real Jongin, who was both vulnerable and strong, was someone Chanyeol really, really wanted to know. He shouldn't, he knew that, because his life was halfway around the world, but of course, feelings didn't care about that.

With the afternoon sun quickly disappearing, Chanyeol's eyelids grew heavy. He did his best to stop thinking so much and soon fell asleep.

+

The room was dim when Chanyeol opened his eyes again. His vision was blurry from his nap and he rubbed at them, getting his bearings. The light was off in the living room where he was, but on in the kitchen. He could hear voices and was confused when he recognized one of them as Junmyeon's.

"Hyung—"

"No, stop it. Don't find excuses not to like him."

"If I don't, then what? He's only staying another week. Then he'll leave and return to his life and I'm just — I'll still be here."

Chanyeol sat up, pushing away the blanket which had been placed over him while he'd been asleep. His hair was a mess and he could feel a mild headache growing, that post-nap grogginess kicking in.

"I'm not telling you to make him Jihyo's other dad or something."

"Then what do you want, hyung? She already likes him, I can tell. I'm already going to have to explain to her next week why he was just a one time visitor."

Chanyeol had mixed feelings. He was happy to hear Jihyo was a fan, but there was guilt that he'd just be leaving and Jongin would be left having to deal with his absence.

"Why does he have to be?" said Junmyeon. "Who said he had to be?"

"I don't want to talk about this anymore," said Jongin, sounding clearly frustrated. "I have enough to deal with. I'm not chasing after someone who never intended to stay."

"You have to do something for yourself."

"Hyung, please," Jongin sighed. "I'll talk to you later, okay?"

Chanyeol listened to them end the call and the pattering of tiny feet made him look up.

"Tall oppa!" Jihyo stopped in front of him, hesitating like she didn't think through what she wanted to say after that. Chanyeol smiled, but was aware of the silence now from the kitchen, knew that Jongin must know he had heard his conversation.

"Hi, how was your nap?"

"I don't remember."

Chanyeol nodded. "I don't remember mine either."

"Do you want to color?" Jihyo grabbed his hand without waiting for an answer and seemed confused when Chanyeol didn't budge at first.

He stood up and followed her to the dining table where she had a bunch of coloring books and crayons scattered across the surface. Jongin came into view too, leaning against the counter in the kitchen. Chanyeol nodded at him, but didn't want to upset him by bringing up the conversation just now. He sat down next to the chair Jihyo had crawled onto and listened patiently to which books Chanyeol could use and which Jihyo was already working on.

Jihyo was in the middle of coloring in a unicorn with shades of purple and blue. Chanyeol took a different coloring book with marine animals inside and started on a blue whale. All of Jihyo's coloring books were animal-related and Chanyeol chatted with her about them, asking which were her favorite and if she wanted to work with animals when she got older.

Jongin stayed in the kitchen and began making dinner. Chanyeol showed Jihyo the whale he was coloring halfway through to get her appraisal.

"More pink," she said and Chanyeol nodded very seriously.

"You're right," said Chanyeol, picking up the pink crayon. "I'm glad I checked with you first."

Jihyo giggled and grabbed the green crayon for the unicorn's hooves. It surprised Chanyeol how much he was enjoying himself. This trip was supposed to be a chance to slow down and relax, but it didn't quite happen after meeting Jongin. It still was a bit tense right now, but this was the first time Chanyeol's ever done something and just focused on the task at hand, any worries he had shelved away for the moment. The only concern he had right now was ensuring Jihyo thought he was doing a good job.

When Jihyo finished hers, Chanyeol showered her in compliments. "Why don't you go show your dad?" he said, holding on to her coloring book while she scooted off the chair. He watched her skedaddle into the kitchen and smiled listening to Jongin's animated praise.

Chanyeol wondered if he should leave. Jongin seemed uncomfortable now with him here and he'd rather have an uneventful Christmas by himself than try and stomach two days of awkwardness. He got up and poked his head into the kitchen to see Jihyo in Jongin's arms, him guiding her hand as they stirred whatever was simmering on the stove.

"Hey," said Jongin, setting Jihyo down. "Dinner should be ready soon."

Chanyeol took that as an invitation to enter, but pressed himself against the wall when Jihyo ran past back to the dining table. "You might have a future veterinarian on your hands."

Jongin smiled. "She has started to ask if we can get a dog," he said, covering the pot back up. "I think my parents are going to cave soon."

Each remaining step Chanyeol took toward Jongin made him more and more nervous. He felt like he had so much to say that his chest was going to burst, but at the same time couldn't figure out how to string two words together. Jongin crossed his arms over his chest, shoulders hunched, making himself seem small but he didn't shy away. Chanyeol wanted to touch him, but didn't know if he could. He wanted to ask if Jongin really thought the idea of there being something worth pursuing between them was hopeless. He wanted to say that even when he thought Jongin was being insufferable he was still worth knowing. He wanted to hold Jongin's hand again and tell him he was still enough.  
But Chanyeol didn't say or do any of those things. Though what he did do was close enough, leaning in that last bit to press a chaste kiss to Jongin's forehead. He lingered as long as he dared and moved away quickly so Jongin couldn't say anything.  
"I'll set the table," Chanyeol said. He searched a couple cupboards until he found bowls for the rice. Jongin didn't say anything and Chanyeol wasn't sure if he was grateful or not for the silence. After dinner, he decided, after Jihyo went to bed, they would talk. At this point, he didn't care what the answer was, he just wanted them to be on the same page and admit this wasn't just some casual vacation fling.  
"Jihyo-yah," said Chanyeol, balancing the three bowls to the dining table. "Time to clean up, okay?"  
"Okay." Jihyo promptly finished coloring an elephant trunk green and closed the book. Chanyeol helped put away the crayons into a bin. She looked at him expectantly afterwards and held her hands out, palms up. "I need to wash my hands."  
"Yes, very important," said Chanyeol, following her into the kitchen. He turned on the sink and lifted her up so she could reach. He looked at Jongin who was portioning out side dishes. "I don't think I was ever this well-behaved at three years old."  
Jongin snapped the lids back onto the large containers and smiled as Jihyo soaped up her hands and rinsed. "All her good traits are from her mom," he said and Chanyeol continued to hold her up while Jongin dried her hands off.  
"Bring this to the table," said Jongin, handing her one of the side dishes. They both watched as she took slow, careful steps out of the kitchen, but Chanyeol's gaze drifted to Jongin. And even when Jongin noticed and stared back, Chanyeol couldn't look away. Jongin caved first and pointed at the pot on the stove. "Take that one," he said, while he left with the rest of the side dishes.  
Dinner went fine. With Jihyo there, there was an excuse to just focus on her. But when Jongin paid attention to her, Chanyeol watched him and Chanyeol could feel Jongin's eyes on him when he took a turn. But Chanyeol kept waiting for it, the moment when this, the domestic picture they painted, was supposed to feel uncomfortable. He waited, but it never came. Talking to Jihyo about her favorite color and her favorite cartoons was infinitely more entertaining than all the fake, performative business lunches he had suffered through over the years.

Chanyeol volunteered to do the dishes after while Jongin herded Jihyo off to take a bath. Sehun called halfway through and he propped his phone up against the wall before answering.

"Dude, hyung told me everything, are you going to be a dad?"

Chanyeol rolled his eyes. "Shut up, you're so annoying."

"For real though, what's going on?" Sehun said. He was in the living room and the sky was clear and bright. That probably meant it was freezing out. "You still like him?"

"Yeah, I still like him," said Chanyeol, rinsing off another plate. "His daughter is great too."

Sehun's brows disappeared under his bangs. "You're serious," he said, his voice losing its teasing too. "Holy shit."

Chanyeol sighed and didn't say anything, washing the last two bowls before drying his hands. He took his phone out to the living room and collapsed onto the couch.

"Hyung, you've only been there a week."

Chanyeol dragged his hand over his face. "Yeah, I know. I barely know him, but I like him."

"This was just supposed to force you to stop being a workaholic for once," said Sehun. "Are you going to come back with some long-distance relationship? With a single dad?"

"No," said Chanyeol, a little too forcefully. He sighed. "I don't know. I don't think he wants to talk about it."

"But you're not _not_ considering it."

"Can I pretend?"

Sehun snorted and scratched behind his ear. It was his nervous habit when he spoke seriously to Chanyeol. "Junmyeon-hyung called him earlier. Sounds like he's not not considering it too."

"I know. I accidentally heard him."

"Sucks to be you."

Chanyeol cracked a smile. "Thanks. What about you?"

"What about me?"

"The fact that you looked pretty cozy with Junmyeon-hyung yesterday? I thought you had rules."

"What rules? Don't make me sound like an asshole."

"Don't avoid the question," said Chanyeol mockingly.

Sehun stuck his tongue out while he rolled his eyes, looking incredibly unattractive. "I don't know, we just slept together a few times."

"A few times? You know few means more than three."

"Yeah."

"You slept with him more than three times?" Chanyeol's eyes widened. "Who are you?"

"Don't act all shocked."

"Who's acting? I've literally never seen you sleep with anyone more than once. You even insist on going back to the other guy's place to avoid them knowing where we live. And now you've not only slept with someone more than once, it's the guy who's temporarily living in the same apartment."

Sehun, instead of answering, gave a fairly good performance of someone who wasn't paying attention.

"Sehun—"

"Ugh, leave me alone," said Sehun, the corners of his mouth pulled tight. "I know, okay? If you think I'm not freaking out every other hour, you're wrong."

Chanyeol laughed, except nothing was funny. "We're screwed."

"Completely."

Movement out of the corner of his eye made Chanyeol sit up straight. Jongin stood at the end of the hall and gave a small smile. "Hey, I have to go," he mumbled, and Sehun gave an encouraging thumbs up before disappearing. "Where's Jihyo?"

Jongin nodded behind him. "Already in bed," he said, joining Chanyeol on the couch. He left a respectable amount of space between them.

Chanyeol looked at his phone. "It's barely nine."

Jongin laughed quietly. "Yeah, that's what time toddlers go to bed at." He glanced at Chanyeol's phone. "You were talking to Sehun?"

"Yeah, you know, just checking in," said Chanyeol, taking a deep breath. "Making sure he hasn't burned the kitchen down or scared Junmyeon away."

"Hyung looked pretty happy when I spoke to him earlier," Jongin said, then looked a bit panicked as if he'd forgotten he wasn't supposed to bring that conversation up.

"I'm pretty happy too." Jongin looked over in surprise and Chanyeol could see the moment his words really sunk in. He kept the gap between them, but pivoted his body to face Jongin. "There's stuff we should probably talk about." He said it with a smile, not wanting to make it more serious than it needed to be.

Jongin nodded, but didn't say anything. Chanyeol found he didn't know where to start either.

"I like you," Chanyeol said, figuring he might as well go with the obvious. "Even when I thought you were cheating on someone with me and when you told me I was being ridiculous for wanting a perfect life, I still wanted to know you. I know what we agreed to just a few days ago, but I don't think that conversation is relevant anymore and I don't want to pretend it is."

Jongin rubbed the back of his neck. "Wow, you're being really serious about this."

Chanyeol pressed his lips together and reached for Jongin's hand. "I just want to be honest," he said, stroking his thumb across Jongin's knuckles. "I really liked today. I liked the other days too, but today was extra nice. My biggest worry was whether or not Jihyo approved of my coloring." That made Jongin smile and Chanyeol relaxed, not realizing he had even been holding tension in his shoulders. "Part of me thinks I shouldn't like it so much, spending a day with a guy I barely know and his kid. I feel like it should be a scary thing, but instead I can't wait to do it again tomorrow."

Some emotion flickered across Jongin's face too quickly for Chanyeol to catch. He stared down at their hands and it took a lot of willpower for Chanyeol not to push him to say something. But the silence made Chanyeol nervous and he reached over to tip Jongin's head up, wanting to at least see him. Chanyeol's stomach dropped, as if it were suddenly filled with lead, when Jongin refused to meet his eyes.

"Say what you're thinking," Chanyeol said, giving in. "Please?"

Jongin dragged his other hand through his hair. "You're talking about this as if there's anything except one answer. The one where you're leaving in a few days and going back to this whole life you have literally on the other side of the world. I don't get what you think can happen between now and then."

Part of Chanyeol had known that this conversation had the potential to go in this direction, but he didn't think it would actually happen. He opened his mouth, but didn't know what to say. It frustrated him now, that Jongin was able to unbalance him so much, to push him into this corner that he didn't know how to get out of. "I just thought it'd be — I don't know."

Jongin huffed out a laugh. "What? That there'd be some magic spark between us? That we'd fall in love like some fairytale?"

"No, but—"

"This isn't a fairytale," said Jongin, seeming agitated now. "The only thing between us is that we fucked a couple times. That's it."

Chanyeol pulled his hand away from Jongin's, like Jongin's words physically burned him. In the back of his mind he knew Jongin was saying these things out of preservation because Chanyeol was leaving and there wasn't an easy answer, but he hadn't expected Jongin to deliver the message this callously.

Jongin balled his hand up briefly. "Sorry. I don't know what you wanted to hear or what you imagined would happen. I have my life here and my daughter's life here. She's always going to come first and a day of playing house isn't going to make me forget that."

Each word Jongin said was like a papercut. Chanyeol couldn't look at him anymore. The worst part was that he didn't have any good arguments to counter with and he was a little humiliated to realize how foolish he'd been. What had he been thinking indeed? That they would spend the rest of his time here playing house like Jongin said? Would Chanyeol have made breakfast in the morning for Jongin and Jihyo and they'd eat together like some new, happy family?

"Hyung," Jongin said, and Chanyeol hated how pitying he sounded. "This is real life, not some movie."

"Yeah, I got it," said Chanyeol, his words forced and tight. "I know."

The silence that fell between them after that was heavy and suffocating. Chanyeol didn't know how be could stay over now, not after the rejection he just got. He stood up and said, staring at his feet, "I'm gonna go back to the other house."

He went and got his coat and scarf from the closet and put them on quickly. His shoes he just shoved on and he hesitated just for a moment before opening the door, looking over, but Jongin was silent and still, no indication that he had anything else to say or would stop Chanyeol, but his ambivalence was loud and clear.

Chanyeol left without a word.

+

The next morning, Chanyeol packed his bags. He was about to call the airline to switch his return to tonight when Sehun's face popped up on his phone. He wanted to ignore it, but figured he should give Sehun a heads up he was flying back early. He answered the call, leaving his phone on the bed while he continued packing.

"Uhh, where are you and what are you doing?"

"At Junmyeon-hyung's. I'm packing up my stuff."

"Because you're going to stay at Jongin's the rest of the week?"

"No, because I'm catching tonight's flight back."

Sehun's face twisted in confusion. "What? Why? You're supposed to come back on the 27th. Oh my god, did your work get a hold of you? I told you to ignore them if they called."

"It's not work. I just don't need to stay here any longer."

"Shit, did something happen with him?"

Chanyeol didn't answer, but threw a shirt into his suitcase with too much force.

"What happened? Did you talk? What did he say?"

"He said I was stupid for thinking there was something worth pursuing."

"Really? He said those words?"

Chanyeol rolled up another shirt hastily and wedged it between the others. "Not literally, but I got the message."

"Maybe he didn't mean it like that."

"He said the only thing between him and me were a couple of good fucks."

"Ouch."

Chanyeol dragged his palm over his face. "Yeah, well. He's right. I didn't know what I was thinking, with him, with coming here to begin with."

Sehun frowned, about to say something, but got distracted. Off camera, Chanyeol heard Junmyeon's voice and he really didn't need him to show up. "Are you talking to Chanyeol? Let me say hi."

"Hyung, you don't have to—"

"Chanyeol-ah." Junmyeon's face popped into the frame. His hair was damp and he had a towel around his neck. "Is my brother being a good host?" He frowned. "Wait, is that my house?"

Chanyeol glanced down. "How can you even tell? All you can see is the ceiling."

"I put in new fans over the summer. Why are you at my place? I thought you were staying with Jongin through Christmas?"

"Change of plans," said Chanyeol, looking around the room to make sure he didn't forget anything. "I'm coming back early."

"Why? Did something happen?"

"No," said Chanyeol.

At the same time Sehun said, "Jongin dumped him."

"Sehun! Can you shut up?"

Sehun didn't look sorry at all. Junmyeon frowned and the spot between his brows wrinkled. "What does that mean? What did Jongin do?"

Chanyeol sighed. "He didn't do anything. We talked and it just didn't work out."

"What did you talk about?"

"Nothing worth repeating. I was going to come back in a few days anyhow."

"Could you please tell me anyway?"

Junmyeon apparently had a way of sounding commanding even when he was soft spoken. Chanyeol could kind of see how he might have captured Sehun's interest. "We just had different expectations of what could happen. My head was in the clouds and he brought me back to reality. That's all."

"Reality or pessimism?"

Chanyeol flipped the top of his suitcase closed and zipped it up. "What does that mean?"

"It means my brother has grown up into a much different person than he used to be," said Junmyeon. "And I get it, now that he has Jihyo his priorities are different. But everything he does is for her and he hates accepting help. If he didn't have to live with my parents he'd move out tomorrow. It's only because he has to work and my parents don't anymore and can watch her that he lives there. I know he takes all the shifts he can get saving up so he can move out with Jihyo as soon as she starts school."

Chanyeol sat down at the edge of the bed, still not sure what Junmyeon was trying to say.

"He doesn't know how to want things for himself anymore," said Junmyeon, quieter. "No matter how much he likes you — and he does — he's not going to let himself even think about a relationship."

"Okay, so what?" said Chanyeol, sighing. "You want me to go back and do some weird Love Actually cue card stunt?"

"You should," said Sehun off-camera, but when Junmyeon moved the phone further away it revealed the both of them curled up on the couch, Sehun nestled against Junmyeon's side as if he weren't practically twice as big. "Sounds very in character for you."

Junmyeon smiled a little. "I don't want to force you to go back and try to persuade him, I know how he can be," he said, resting his hand on Sehun's thigh. Chanyeol wondered if they were even seeing themselves on the screen. "But like I said, he's also my baby brother and I've watched him miss out on a lot because he didn't want to prioritize himself over Jihyo. He's never listened to me, but maybe he'll listen to someone he already wants to say yes to."

"Shit, maybe you should be the one with the Love Actually cue cards," said Chanyeol, the last bits of his flight response dissipating like smoke.

Junmyeon laughed, the corners of his eyes wrinkling. "Hopefully nothing I do will require anything like that," he said, and the way Sehun looked at him after that did not escape Chanyeol's notice.

They chatted a bit more, Chanyeol asking Junmyeon what else he had left to see and do before he came back. He didn't miss Sehun's expression this time either, the flash of realization that their time was ending the same way Chanyeol's would with Jongin. He felt genuinely bad, wondering when Sehun had last been attached to someone. He was sure Junmyeon noticed too and pretended to believe him when they said they were getting tired, letting the call end.

Chanyeol stared at his suitcase next to him and flipped it cover back open, taking out half the clothes he'd shoved in there. He hung them back up while he considered Junmyeon's words some more. He didn't know what his next step should be. Rush back to Jongin's house? Wait until tomorrow? He wondered if Jongin even felt bad about what he'd said or if he believed any of it.

Chanyeol mulled over everything for a few hours. He went into town and had lunch at the restaurant with the two aunties he met last week. He found it unbelievable that between the first time and now, how much had happened between him and Jongin.

The two women remembered him of course and fussed over him the moment he stepped in.

"You didn't come with Jongin," they said, and Chanyeol supposed in a village like this news traveled fast.

They shared a meal with him the same way they did last time, giving him more food than he ordered and ignoring when he protested the free service.

"Did you get the answers you were looking for?" one of them said right as they shoved a wrap into his mouth.

Chanyeol took a few long seconds to chew, thinking at the same time. "I don't know," be said eventually. "I think maybe my questions weren't important to begin with."

The second auntie smiled. "They're important if they mattered to you."

The ambiguity of their answers bothered Chanyeol less than the last time he was here. He remembered how they told him to go to Jongin if he wanted to learn what happiness could be, but he wondered how much they really knew, because now that he knew more of Jongin's story, he didn't think Jongin was going through anything different.

The bell above the door jingled to signal a new customer. "Oh, look who it is," the auntie said.

Chanyeol turned his head in time to hear "Tall oppa!" and see Jihyo run toward him. Jongin seemed much less enthused and stayed frozen near the door.

Chanyeol patted Jihyo's head, smiling, because he was happy to see her even if it had only been half a day. "Hey, fancy seeing you here."

Jihyo looked at her dad, little face screwed up in confusion like she didn't know why he was still all the way over there. "Daddy, it's tall oppa," she said, as if Jongin might be confused.

The aunties didn't need to be asked and got up, though part of Chanyeol didn't want them to abandon him. "Jongin-ah, what are you doing? Come and sit down." One of them lifted Jihyo into the chair she had been sitting in and the second auntie swapped out two sets of clean plates.

Jongin made his way over slowly as if some external force was pushing him along. Once he was within arm's reach, the aunties shoved him onto the bench across from Chanyeol. "We'll get you more food."

"No — we're just," Jongin said, but his words were ignored. His discomfort showed, but Chanyeol didn't let it bother him.

Chanyeol filled two more cups with water. One of them he handed directly to Jihyo who was already reaching for it. He perched his chin on his hand, watching her drink and how the cup covered almost half her face. The aunties returned with another plate of pork belly and a knowing smile. Chanyeol grabbed the tongs, laying two slabs onto the grill. Smoke spiraled up and into the exhaust fan and Jihyo mimicked the sizzling noise.

While the meat cooked, Jihyo was the one who spoke the most. Chanyeol asked about her morning and if she was excited about Christmas. He cut the pork into bite-sized pieces and blew on them before setting them on her plate. Honestly, he hadn't expected Jongin's silence to last this long and looked him in the eye finally when he divvied up the rest of the meat between them.

Jongin turned away almost immediately.

"I talked to your hyung this morning," said Chanyeol as he made a small wrap for Jihyo. Jongin seemed to bristle at that and kept his gaze down. "Maybe you already have an idea what he said to me."

Jongin sighed and rubbed his face.

"Daddy, eat!" Jihyo said, grabbing Jongin's arm.

"Yeah, eat," said Chanyeol, taking Jongin's chopsticks and holding them out. Jongin took them and poked at his food. Over Jongin's shoulder, the aunties made eye contact with Chanyeol and stared pointedly at him. "This isn't an interrogation."

Chanyeol placed two more pieces of pork belly onto the grill. Whether or not Jongin wanted to talk didn't matter to him. He wasn't sure yet anyway all that he wanted to say, or if there was anything for him to say. Still, he was relieved when Jongin finally began eating and the silence between them lost some of its tension.

"Oppa, will you come over again?" Jihyo's eyes were large and curious. Chanyeol glanced at Jongin who didn't give him anything to work with. "Coloring was fun!"

Chanyeol smiled. "It was fun. Do you want to color together again?"

Jihyo nodded. Her hair was styled up in pigtails and they flew into her face.

"I'd love to come over again, but only if your father is okay with it."

Jihyo immediately turned to Jongin. "Daddy, pleaaaaase?" she said, showing all her front teeth.

Chanyeol held back a laugh at the look on Jongin's face, caught unaware. Jongin stared at his daughter who stared right back with all the patience in the world.

"I — all right," said Jongin, sounding defeated almost. Chanyeol sent him a smile like a peace offering, to say that what happened the night before was no longer an issue. Jongin didn't smile back but it didn't feel like a rejection either.

Chanyeol settled the bill after they were done. Jongin barely argued him for it, which was fine since he hated going through that whole act anyway. There was only one auntie at the register to deal with, but one was enough to make Chanyeol flustered.

"My husband courted me faster," she said as he paid. "And he'd been away at war and could only write a letter a month."

"Auntie," said Chanyeol, thankful Jongin and Jihyo had gone outside.

"We're a small community out here," she said, suddenly serious. "He's a nice boy who deserves much more than he's willing to fight for."

"Yeah, I've learned that," said Chanyeol, watching through the window as Jongin laughed with Jihyo at something. "If he won't, then I guess someone else will have to."

The auntie smiled and patted his hand. "You'll be just fine."

Chanyeol didn't know what she meant exactly, but believed her anyhow. He left the restaurant and stepped into the chilly, thin winter air. Jihyo ran toward him and grabbed his hand. "Let's go!" she said and Chanyeol laughed at her eagerness.

"I have to drive my car though," he said, allowing her to pull him toward Jongin anyway. He watched to see if Jongin would change his mind, but Jongin simply took Jihyo from him and picked her up.

The sun reflecting off the snow made Jongin squint. "You don't have to stay for long," he said. "I have a shift later at the restaurant."

"Who's going to watch her?"

"I'll take her with me."

"Or I can stay with her," said Chanyeol, grabbing his keys and unlocking his car. He saw Jongin open his mouth to protest and turned around, covering his ears. "See you at your place!"

Chanyeol hopped into his car and closed the door, pretending like he couldn't hear or see Jongin. He waved as he left the parking lot and smiled at the rearview mirror as Jihyo complained for her dad to get a move on.

+

Chanyeol only had to wait a few minutes before Jongin's car pulled up to the house. Jihyo darted for the front door as soon as she got out and yelled for them to hurry up.

"She definitely lost her shyness," said Chanyeol, walking just behind Jongin.

Inside, Jongin helped Jihyo with her coat and boots before she zoomed into the house. He turned around after and put his hands up between them. "Look — I don't know what my hyung told you, but I'm not changing my mind."

"Okay," said Chanyeol, slipping his coat off. "I'm not going to argue."

Jongin frowned. "You're not upset?"

Chanyeol stepped around him and shrugged. "I was, but I'm fine now." It clearly wasn't the answer Jongin was expecting and for a split second, he could tell Jongin didn't like that he had already gotten over it.

"Oppa, I'm ready!" Jihyo had her box of crayons out and the same stack of coloring books as last night.

"May I have the ocean animals again?" said Chanyeol, grabbing the seat across from her. She dutifully found the right coloring book and handed it over, then looked at her dad still standing by the door.

"Daddy, come color," she said, holding out another book. "You can have the cats!"

"Are you really going to say no to cats?" said Chanyeol, flipping to a page with a coral reef. He nodded at an empty chair. "Sit."

Jongin moved like his body responded to Chanyeol's words before his brain had actually decided whether or not to listen. Chanyeol put the box of crayons closer to the middle and they spent the next ten minutes drawing in silence. It wasn't as nice as yesterday, before he had found out how Jongin felt, but it was pretty close. Jihyo wasn't shy about giving either of them feedback and soon Jongin ended up with a blue and green striped cat.

Jongin kept looking at Chanyeol as the minutes dragged on. It was obvious he wanted to talk now that he knew Chanyeol wasn't bothered, but Chanyeol pretended he didn't see his glances, very focused on his coral reef. Maybe he was being a little petty, but he could afford to be.

Once they finished, Chanyeol asked Jihyo if she wanted to watch a movie and was met with an enthusiastic yes. He let Jihyo run off to go pick one while he cleaned up. Jongin was now openly staring at him and Chanyeol continued to ignore it. If Jongin wanted to talk, he would have to ask for it.

Jihyo called for him and Chanyeol slipped away with a smile. The movie she picked was something by Disney he'd heard of before but had never actually seen. As the opening credits rolled, Jongin came over and said, "I have my shift," and Chanyeol nodded.

"Okay, I'll watch her," said Chanyeol and when Jongin seemed to want to protest, "We just started the movie, I can look after her."

"Bye, daddy," said Jihyo, waving before she settled in and her attention was lost to the movie. Jongin at that point had no choice.

There was a bit of relief when Jongin finally stepped out. Chanyeol didn't really know what he was doing. He had wanted to take today to think about what Junmyeon had said earlier, but that all went sideways. He had time now, he supposed, even if it wasn't under the circumstances be had originally expected.

Briefly, he pondered asking Jihyo for advice, but that seemed pretty desperate. He didn't need to solicit relationship feedback from a three year old. He needed to figure out what he wanted. It was still true that he was leaving in a few days. So what if everyone seemed to think he should whisk Jongin off his feet when he wanted to actually agree with Jongin and say what was the point if they were just going to go their separate ways.

What could he even offer Jongin? Long distance calls, a return to his workaholic schedule, a lack of any kind of steady relationship experience.

"Oppa," said Jihyo, surprising Chanyeol who thought she'd been wrapped up in the movie.

"Hm? Are you hungry? Do you have to use the bathroom?"

Jihyo shook her head. "Do you like my daddy?"

In all of Chanyeol's experience, including all the critical business meetings where he was solely responsible for closing the deal, he'd never experienced nerves the way he did right now from Jihyo's straightforward question and how she stared at him waiting for an answer.

"I — yes, he's become a good friend."

Jihyo nodded. "You're the first friend."

"First?" Chanyeol tried to figure out what that meant. "What about his other friends?"

Jihyo shrugged. "Daddy says I'm his friend."

Chanyeol knew she didn't mean to make her father seem lonely, that she was just saying what she's seen, what Jongin's told her, but the directness of her words softened Chanyeol toward Jongin. He didn't pity him, but he did feel guilty for not thinking more from Jongin's perspective.

"I think you're his favorite friend," said Chanyeol. "He loves you a lot."

"I'm his only friend," Jihyo said and Chanyeol was a bit floored to know Jihyo could tell that about her dad. She didn't say it in a way which made it seem bad, just a matter of fact because she'd never known anything else.

"But I'm his friend now too," said Chanyeol and Jihyo seemed satisfied about that if the firm nod of her head meant anything.

"I like oppa, too."

Chanyeol didn't feel as great about that as much as he wanted to.

+

Jihyo fell asleep before the movie ended and Chanyeol let her nap on the couch while he went into the kitchen to figure out something for dinner. He didn't know how to cook many dishes, but could at least whip up some fried rice. He didn't know what time Jongin was going to return, if he would eat at work, but decided to make enough for him too.

Jihyo wandered in bleary-eyed and hair all mussed up, cheeks red with sleep creases, as Chanyeol was finishing up.

"Just in time," he said when she came up and hugged his leg, looking like she could fall back asleep any second. "Can you go wash your hands for me?"

She nodded, but Chanyeol still had to unwind her arms from his leg and send her toward the bathroom. She returned much more awake and chatty and helped set the table while Chanyeol filled two bowls and cleaned up.

"Tell me if it tastes bad," said Chanyeol, though he supposed he'd get a genuine assessment whether or not he asked. But to his relief, Jihyo liked his cooking just fine and finished everything.

After dinner, Chanyeol sent her off to play with her toys while he did the dishes. The sound of a car pulling up followed by Jihyo's excited, "Daddy!" signaled Jongin's return. It was early still, barely eight. He hoped Jongin didn't rush back because he didn't think Chanyeol would be able to look after a child for a few hours.

The front door opened and shut quickly, but a gust of cold air still made it in.

"Hi, sweetheart," Chanyeol heard Jongin say.

Chanyeol dried his hands and stepped into view. Jongin glanced up as he toed off his shoes, nudging Jihyo gently to go back to her toys.

"Did you eat?" said Chanyeol, pointing behind himself. "I didn't know if you were going to eat there or not, so I made some for you too."

When Jongin didn't answer and only stared at him, Chanyeol sighed, unable to hide his frustration.

"Look, I get it, you don't actually want me here, but can you stop giving me this silent treatment? Or — whatever, I'll just leave, okay?" Chanyeol headed for the door, but as he passed by Jongin grabbed his wrist. He stopped and looked down, needing that visual confirmation.

"I'm not," Jongin said, then closed his eyes, struggling with his words. "I don't not want you here."

Now it was Chanyeol's turn to stare. He studied Jongin's eyes but it didn't take long for Jongin to avert his gaze. "Don't say it like that. If you want me to stay, mean it."

Jongin flinched slightly, but didn't back down. Instead, he tightened his grip on Chanyeol's wrist and said quiet, but evenly, "Stay."

"Why?"

Jongin struggled to answer again. "Just, stay, for now?"

Chanyeol didn't want to push when Jihyo was still in the room. "Did you eat?" he said again. Some of the tension bled out of Jongin and he shook his head. Chanyeol twisted his wrist out of Jongin's grip just to be the one grabbing Jongin's hand instead and led him to the dining table. "Sit, I just need to heat it up."

Before Chanyeol stepped away, Jongin said, "I've never met anyone like you."

It was said so casually, but Chanyeol knew the effort it would have taken Jongin had been anything but. "Back at you," said Chanyeol, as if it wasn't a big deal, but it was and Chanyeol thought if he looked hard enough he might just be able to see a path open up before them that wasn't there before.


	4. Chapter 4

After Jongin put Jihyo to bed, Chanyeol figured it was occasion to dig out some wine. It was Christmas Eve after all.

Jongin didn't protest and procured a bottle before Chanyeol finished grabbing the glasses and they settled in the living room. It was the same as last evening, but Chanyeol didn't think this time would end with him walking out the door.

"Is there something you usually do the night before Christmas?"

Chanyeol settled back with his glass as Jongin took a sip out of his own. Did he have any traditions? Usually he and Sehun might go to some party, friends or friends of friends, wherever seemed fun whether or not they knew the hosts. Depending on the vibe, he'd either be watching Sehun hunt down someone for the night or be the subject of attention from multiple. Sehun liked the latter more, of course, liked playing games.

"Something similar to this," said Chanyeol, tipping his glass at Jongin.

Jongin shot him a skeptical look and Chanyeol grinned more, shrugging.

"This is better," said Chanyeol, taking a deep breath. "I think I'm finally outgrowing things like parties and drinking so much that I forget what even happened." The last couple of times he and Sehun had done that, his hangover the next day was brutal.

"I've never done that."

"Get completely wasted?"

Jongin shook his head. "All of it. The parties nevermind drinking just to drink."

"Not even in university?"

"I never went, remember," Jongin said it softly, like he was a bit ashamed, but doing his best not to be.

Chanyeol kept his expression neutral, not wanting to judge. There wasn't anything to judge anyway. "You didn't want to?"

Jongin shook his head again. "I got back from the army and took a couple years to figure out what I wanted to do, but then Jihyo happened and school just didn't matter anymore."

"Can I ask what you would've done?"

"I was going to leave this place and move to Seoul," said Jongin, holding the wine glass against his chest. "My dream was to get into the National Dance Company."

"You dance?"

Jongin nodded, his smile a little shy. "Well, I did. I don't get any time to anymore."

"You're still young though. You could still audition."

Jongin laughed. "No, I can't. I'm not young compared to who I'd be competing with. I've been out of practice for too long, the twenty year olds now would wipe the floor with me."

"Don't say that," said Chanyeol, frowning. He didn't like when Jongin made it seem he was never going to escape this place.

"It's fine, I'm not bitter," said Jongin and his body language indicated he was telling the truth, or maybe it was just the wine already kicking in. He slouched a bit in his seat, head dropped back. "I've accepted that I'm too behind now to hold onto that dream. And I don't regret it, giving it up for her. I'd do it again in a heartbeat."

Chanyeol studied Jongin for a bit, impressed once again at the maturity he showed. He nudged Jongin's leg. "Can I see?"

"See what?"

"You dance."

Jongin snorted. "Absolutely not. I haven't danced in years."

"Then all the more reason to." Chanyeol stood up and held his hand out, waving it probably too excitedly. "Come on. You don't have to perform, we can just dance together."

It would be easy to say this was the alcohol talking, but they both knew that would just be a flimsy excuse. Jongin stared at Chanyeol's hands too long and Chanyeol grabbed him out of his seat instead.

"This isn't the kind of dancing I do," said Jongin, but Chanyeol shrugged as he made Jongin put his hand on Chanyeol's shoulder.

"This is the only way I know," said Chanyeol, wrapping his free arm low and loose around Jongin's waist. They were both still holding onto their wine, but it didn't matter. "Oh! Music."

Chanyeol quickly found some easy listening holiday playlist and the sounds of an instrumental flowed through the speakers. Chanyeol put his arm back on Jongin and at first they just stood there, Jongin's face red but mostly from the wine.

"Do you want me to lead?" said Chanyeol even though he had no clue what that meant. But he did his best and started them swaying back and forth, very reminiscent of those grade school dances he had gone to. But those had been terrible because he'd be teased by his friends when he'd had to dance with the girls who had crushes on him. But that was then and this was now.

Jongin moved easily with Chanyeol, but it wasn't that hard to begin with. Chanyeol liked seeing Jongin up close and take in the details of how long lashes were and how his lips were already taking on a wine stain. It was cute to see his shyness up close too, how he made himself return his gaze to Chanyeol each time it veered away.

The song ended but blended into another. Chanyeol only had a little bit of wine left in his glass and finished it, stopping to set his glass aside. When he turned back, Jongin's head was tipped all the way back and the deep red of the wine in his glass also quickly disappeared.

"Hot," said Chanyeol, taking the glass from Jongin as the other wiped his mouth. "Very classy."

"Shut up," said Jongin, surprising Chanyeol by pulling him in by his belt loops. "I'm leading now. You were terrible."

Chanyeol laughed, very much not insulted.

It was a lot easier to do this when Chanyeol had both hands free. He rested them on Jongin's shoulders first before just slipping his arms around and pressing them flush together chest to chest.

"This isn't how we're supposed to stand," said Jongin, clearly unable to decide whether to look Chanyeol directly in the eye or not.

"Feels right to me."

Jongin sighed and dropped his hands to Chanyeol's waist, hesitant at first before pressing one palm firmly against Chanyeol's lower back, the other sliding up to his shoulder. Like this, they were barely moving, slowly shifting their weight around in a circle. Jongin ended up with his head on Chanyeol's shoulder and Chanyeol's stomach did a dangerous flip.

"I got yelled at by the aunties at work," said Jongin. "About you."

Chanyeol hummed and waited for Jongin to continue.

"I still think they're making things sound too easy."

"What did they say?"

"Stuff that makes me think they've been watching too many dramas."

Chanyeol laughed quietly, but said, "Why don't you think your life could be like that?"

"Because it's not real," said Jongin, which Chanyeol didn't understand at all.

"This is real, though," said Chanyeol, squeezing Jongin briefly. "Right now."

"What about after?"

"What would you want after?" said Chanyeol, turning his head but stopping just before his lips touched Jongin's temple. "If you could make anything happen."

"Aren't you supposed to keep wishes to yourself if you want them to come true?"

Chanyeol hummed. "Wishes, yes," he said, pulling back as he brought one hand to curl behind Jongin's head. "But if your wish is actually something you can ask, you should."

Jongin blinked slowly and brought his hands between them, sliding his palms up Chanyeol's chest. Chanyeol could practically see all the thoughts clogging up in his head.

"If you could ask for everything," said Chanyeol, recalling their tense conversation from the other day. "If you could have everything that made you happy instead of having to pick only one thing."

Jongin's smile was sad, but it was the most open Chanyeol had seen him be so far. "Then I'd ask for everything," he said, his hands reaching Chanyeol's face.

A surge of protectiveness overwhelmed Chanyeol. He didn't stop to think whether it was a good idea when he closed the distance between them and kissed Jongin, probably too rough, too desperate, but he needed to in that moment to be as close as he could and this was the most he dared to do. The noise Jongin made was cut off when Chanyeol caught his bottom lip between his own, when Chanyeol tilted Jongin's chin up so he could deepen it, so that if this happened to be the very last kiss he ever gave Jongin he wouldn't regret a single thing about it.

Jongin's lips were no longer just red from the wine. They shined under the light and Chanyeol barely kept himself from diving in for more. He quelled his need for contact by running his fingers through Jongin's hair, dragging his nails along his scalp, and smiled when Jongin closed his eyes and shivered in response.

"Show me what it would be like," said Jongin, looking at Chanyeol again. When Chanyeol frowned slightly, lost, he said, "If I asked and you gave me everything, show me what it would be like. Until you leave, show me."

There was no way that was a good idea, but the moment Jongin said the words Chanyeol felt himself wanting to give in. He cupped Jongin's face and swept his thumb over the gentle rise of Jongin's cheek. "That's a lot different than what you said last night."

"I didn't mean what I said then."

"I think you did," said Chanyeol and Jongin sobered up some, surprised. "And I get why you did."

"Are you — are you rejecting me now?" said Jongin, putting some space between them.

"I already told you that I like you. I have real feelings for you."

Jongin stepped away completely and shook Chanyeol off when he tried to touch him again. "What do you want? What the hell do you actually want? Yesterday you wanted to keep playing house, but now that I'm putting myself out there and doing something that I didn't want to do, you're going to act like you know better and what — that you're going to look out for me?"

"Jongin—"

"You just kissed me! You kissed me like you wanted me."

"I do want you," said Chanyeol, trying not to get frustrated. He understood why Jongin was upset. "Please, just let me talk."

Jongin dropped onto the couch. "Fine, talk."

Despite the sudden shift in mood, Chanyeol still found Jongin a bit cute in his petulance. He sat down next to Jongin and took his hand. "If it's what you want, for us to be something for the next two days, I'll do it. But I just want you to be sure and not because some pushy aunties have convinced you of what they think is best."

"Are you insulting our seniors?"

Chanyeol smiled. "I'm saying only you know yourself."

Jongin turned pensive and serious, staring at their hands before looking right at Chanyeol. "It's going to be hard no matter what, when you leave. Yesterday I thought the best thing would be to just cut things off, but it made me even more miserable. When I saw you earlier I already wanted to believe it was a sign."

That was enough to convince Chanyeol, even if it still didn't sit well. But like Jongin said, no matter what it was going to be painful when his time here was up. Maybe it wasn't the most responsible decision, but if they knew the consequences and accepted them, Chanyeol couldn't say it was the wrong one. He brought Jongin's hand up and pressed a lingering kiss to the back of it. "All right."

Jongin didn't seem to want to believe him, like Chanyeol had agreed too easily. Chanyeol held Jongin's hand properly and linked their fingers together, holding them in his lap as he leaned in and pressed a soft kiss to Jongin's lips. Bit by bit, Jongin softened again, until he was leaning into Chanyeol's space and their mouths met lazily over and over. It had been a long time since Chanyeol last did this, kiss someone where it wasn't just the precursor to sleeping together. It was satisfying in that bone deep way, to just focus on the way Jongin's mouth yielded under his and the quiet hitches of Jongin's breath when Chanyeol did something he liked.

When they finally stopped, Chanyeol licked his lips which were dry and chapped. He dropped his head to the side against the couch and carded his fingers through Jongin's hair. He could already see it, the future him and how much he'll hate getting in the car and driving away, but right now this was good. Right now, watching Jongin close his eyes and lean into Chanyeol's touch was the only thing he cared about.

Sleeping arrangements were a little awkward. It was only Jongin's room or his parents'. The latter made both of them feel weird, but Jihyo was already slumbering away in Jongin's.

"I can just sleep on the couch," said Chanyeol, but Jongin shook his head and grabbed Chanyeol's hand.

"Come on."

So Chanyeol borrowed an old set of shorts and t-shirt from Jongin and they settled next to each other with the quiet of the countryside blanketing the house and Jihyo lost in dreamland with her limbs thrown out in all directions.

"Stop looking at me like that," said Jongin, hushed even though Jihyo looked like not even a foghorn would wake her.

Chanyeol tucked his hand under his head and smiled, only intensifying his look of adoration. "You said you wanted everything."

Jongin rolled his eyes, but also didn't stop Chanyeol when he reached out for Jongin's hand. "I didn't think that included you staring at me like a creep."

A comment like that only made Chanyeol exaggerate his features more, opening his eyes as wide as they could go. Jongin shoved him and hissed for him to stop, but Chanyeol took advantage and grabbed Jongin's elbow to pull him in and tangled their legs together.

"What are you doing?"

"Cuddling," said Chanyeol, his lips brushing Jongin's forehead as he spoke. Jongin went lax in his arms and even slipped his arm over Chanyeol's side. "If you had come to New York, in the morning we could make pancakes or french toast or maybe Jihyo would like waffles? We probably would have gone to the holiday night market and bought overpriced fancy hot chocolate and we'd have that too. Sehun and I have a plastic tree that's pre-lit because we're lazy, but it's still pretty and leaves less of a mess. After breakfast we would watch Christmas movies on TV, still in our pajamas of course."

Jongin didn't say anything after Chanyeol stopped. He buried his face in Chanyeol's chest and tightened his hold.

"Sorry, I guess that wasn't as happy as I meant it to be," said Chanyeol, kissing the top of Jongin's head. "Tomorrow will still be nice. I'll make it nice."

It was barely noticeable, but Jongin nodded. Chanyeol would have to follow through now, but he didn't have any other intention to begin with.

Chanyeol rubbed Jongin's back slowly and thought about the person Jongin could have turned out to be if different choices had been made. Would he have joined the dance company and moved up the ranks? Would Chanyeol have crossed paths with him at Lincoln Center instead, he in the audience captivated by the young man who owned the stage? But would that also have been both the beginning and end of their connection to each other? Just two people passing each other by, forgotten by the very next day. Would that be better or worse than what they faced now?

"Hyung."

"Hm?"

Jongin tilted his head up and pressed a careful, fragile kiss to Chanyeol's mouth. "Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas," said Chanyeol and fell asleep no closer to knowing the answer.

+

The sun woke Chanyeol up. To be more precise, he woke up to the sun and something blocking it. He peeled one eye open and the blurry image of Jihyo's face hovering over his greeted him. He opened his mouth, but Jihyo slapped her palm over it and held a finger up to tell him to shut up.

She pointed to something and Chanyeol followed it to Jongin still curled up next to him, sound asleep. He looked younger asleep like this, his hair in his eyes and hands clutching Chanyeol's shirt. He didn't want to stare while Jihyo was watching and very carefully extracted himself, silently ushering her out of the room and closing the door behind them.

Once in the living room, Chanyeol checked the time which was a painful seven in the morning.

"What do you have to say for yourself?" said Chanyeol, but Jihyo just giggled. "Have you ever made breakfast for your dad before?"

"No."

"Today is his lucky day then. Come on."

When Jongin's mother had said there was plenty of food in the fridge, she had clearly underplayed it. Yesterday he just wanted to make something edible for Jihyo quickly, but this morning they could afford something fancier. He started some rice and then he and Jihyo went through all the side dishes in the second fridge with Jihyo telling him which Jongin liked the best.

There was readymade soup base portioned out in the freezer. Chanyeol used one to make bean paste stew and cut up vegetables to balance it out. This breakfast was nothing like what he would make at home, which for the most part amounted to either cereal or a trip to the bagel shop around the corner or downstairs to the bodega for sausage, egg, and cheese on a roll. But having Jihyo as company was loads better than Sehun in almost every way. Helpful, cute, and didn't complain about terrible hangovers.

Chanyeol had just set the finished stew in the center of the dining table when the bedroom door opened and Jongin ventured out with his hair sticking up in three directions. Jihyo ran to him and hugged his leg and he greeted her with a sleepy smile.

"Good timing," said Chanyeol, reaching out for Jongin's hand without thinking. He'd already taken it when he realized he didn't know if Jongin was comfortable with Jihyo seeing them and let his hand fall slack, but Jongin tightened his grip and smiled.

"This is nice," Jongin said, looking at the breakfast spread.

"I said it would be."

Jongin looked over at Jihyo who had climbed onto a chair and was focused on counting all the side dishes out loud. He leaned in and brushed a kiss against the corner of Chanyeol's mouth. "Thanks," he said, then went over to sit next to Jihyo before Chanyeol could react, remarking loudly about all the food.

Chanyeol watched Jongin let his daughter feed him an egg roll and decided, without a doubt, this was worse.

+

Jongin insisted on doing the dishes. Chanyeol would have fought him on it, but let it go because he had something way more important to take care of. The bags from their shopping trip were still where they'd left them and he dug out one of the items.

Even though he'd bought the largest size, the pants were a couple inches too short and the jacket just barely fit him. It didn't matter, the hat and beard fit just right and he bounded back out and into the kitchen.

"Ho ho ho!"

Jongin glanced over his shoulder and the bowl he was washing slipped back into the sink, splashing soapy water onto the counter. "What — oh my god!" His face was stricken with more horror than joy, but it would take more than that to ruin Chanyeol's fun.

The Santa costume was pretty terrible quality, but Chanyeol loved it and struck a few poses. "Don't I look great?"

"No?" Jongin was still shocked, but laughed a bit. "You look ridiculous. The pants don't even fit."

"Yeah, discrimination against tall Santas," said Chanyeol, bending over to look at his exposed ankles.

"Santa!" Jihyo ran in and Chanyeol scooped her up.

"Who is this? The best kid in the entire world? Santa has been keeping a special eye on you."

Jihyo giggled and tugged on the beard so that Chanyeol's entire face was exposed. "You're not Santa."

Chanyeol gasped and fixed the beard over his mouth again. "Of course I am! If I'm not Santa, then how come I have presents for you?" He brought Jihyo to the living room and set her down on the couch.

They had bought her a few things the other day, but never got a chance to wrap them. It probably didn't make much of a difference. Chanyeol called for Jongin to finish the dishes later so Jihyo could get her gifts now.

"She's going to expect this many presents every year now," said Jongin later, watching Jihyo get excited over a giant stuffed Pororo and a train track set, plus some new clothes. "You shouldn't have spent so much money."

Chanyeol shrugged. "Uncle Chanyeol is up to the challenge." Jongin looked at him and Chanyeol realized what his words implied. That they would keep in touch enough so that they might do this again.

"Sweetheart, say thank you," said Jongin, rubbing Jihyo's back. "Chanyeol-oppa got these for you."

"Not Santa?"

Chanyeol coughed. "Of course, Santa!" he said as Jongin rolled his eyes fondly. "Me, I'm Santa, who gave you the gifts, not whoever Chanyeol is. Who is that?"

"Okay, Santa," Jihyo said and Chanyeol had never heard more exasperation come out of a three year old than in that moment. He deserved it.

"Where's your sweater?" said Chanyeol, remembering that he bought one for Jongin. "Go put it on!"

Chanyeol expected some resistance, but Jongin simply got up and went back to his room. A couple minutes later, he came out dressed in the deep green sweater Chanyeol had purchased, but also had a small, flat box in hand which he dropped into Chanyeol's lap.

"What is this?" said Chanyeol, but Jongin only shrugged. He untied the ribbon holding the lid on and opened it to find a soft, deep red wool scarf inside. "Is this — for me?" He lifted the scarf out and looked at Jongin who was perched on the edge of the couch, hands under his thighs.

"Yeah. Do you hate it?"

"What? No!" Chanyeol tugged the beard off so he could loop the scarf around his neck. It clashed quite a bit with the Santa outfit, but he grinned and rubbed the scarf against his cheek. "I love it. Wait, is this what you went to buy when you said you needed something for your dad?"

Jongin wouldn't meet Chanyeol's eyes, which said enough. Chanyeol jumped up and tackled Jongin in a bear hug, nearly knocking him over. "What is wrong with you?" Jongin said, but sounded amused.

"Me too!" Jihyo came running over, nearly tripping over her feet because she was still carrying Pororo, and Jongin lifted her up with a groan into his lap.

"You're getting heavy."

"Growing up fast," said Chanyeol.

"Stop," Jongin said, pushing Chanyeol over. He fixed Jihyo's pigtails with had started to fall apart from her playing. "She's still my baby."

Chanyeol took off his Santa hat and put it on Jihyo's head once Jongin was done. "Stay there," he said, grabbing his phone and striding over to the other side of the room. He opened up the camera and told them to smile, taking a bunch of shots. Jihyo was grinning in all of them, eyes squeezed into tiny crescents, and Jongin smiled at the camera in a couple, but at the end looked at his daughter with open adoration.

"You should take one with us," said Jongin.

"Huh?"

"Hurry up."

Chanyeol returned to the spot next to Jongin and held the camera out, looking at Jongin for confirmation just in case he had somehow meant something else. But both he and Jihyo were smiling at the camera already, so Chanyeol did the same and commended himself for not dropping his phone when Jongin's hand settled on his shoulder.

It was a good photo. Jongin was wearing Chanyeol's present and he was wearing Jongin's. Jihyo was absolutely beaming between them. They looked like something Chanyeol was afraid to put into thought, much less words. Jongin leaned over to look at it with him after Jihyo ran off to play again.

"It's nice," said Jongin and hooked his arm around Chanyeol's, so casually like it was second-nature, like he didn't even know that right next to it Chanyeol's heart was breaking.

+

Jongin's parents returned late the next morning. They took positively to the decorations and asked Jihyo for a recap of the past few days' events, which was exactly what Jongin had said they'd do. Chanyeol stayed for lunch, but insisted he had to return to Junmyeon's home. His flight was the next evening and he needed to pack, wanting to head out by early afternoon.

Chanyeol didn't know how to say goodbye when it was time to leave. He decided to just hug Jongin and gave a weak thank you for being a good host. It was awkward not only because Jongin's parents were sitting a few feet away, but also that the night before he and Jongin had occupied the exact same spot and made out until they were too tired to keep going.

It didn't feel right that this would be the last time he spoke to Jongin before he left. There were more things he wanted to say, more things he wanted to do. He wanted to hold Jongin's hand and kiss him. He wanted Jongin to look at him when Chanyeol told him one more time that he was enough. He had to force himself to walk out the door and get into his car, a stiff smile pasted on while Jongin's parents joined at the door to send him off.

He fought the burning in his chest the entire drive back. Junmyeon's house seemed even emptier and sterile after the last day of being in Jongin's and Jihyo's company. Chanyeol shuffled into the bedroom and gave up on any intention to pack and fell onto the bed. He stared at the ceiling and zoned out. His phone buzzed and he remembered he still hadn't responded to any of Sehun's messages from earlier eagerly demanding updates.

It wasn't something he felt like doing. Hello Sehun, yes, we pretended to be something more than fuck buddies but less than a real relationship and now there are pictures on my phone where we look like a family and he was more miserable than before he went on this trip.

Chanyeol ignored the unease twisting in his stomach. He hadn't been able to tell if Jongin had felt the same. Truthfully, he had wanted to ask if Jongin wanted to spend one more night together, but the window to ask never came and Jongin never looked like he had something else he wanted to say.

It seemed Jongin got what he wanted from Chanyeol, after all.

+

The sound of someone banging on the door woke Chanyeol up. He hadn't meant to fall asleep and it was dark out now. He sat up and wiped the drool off his cheek, patting around for his phone to check the time. He'd fallen asleep for two hours and it was dinner time now.

"Hyung?"

Chanyeol squinted down the dark hallway and crawled out of bed, stumbling along while he rubbed the sleep out of his eyes. He answered the door and blanked out. Jongin stood in front of him wearing what was clearly his work clothes, an apron still tied on. "Jongin?"

Jongin pushed past him and closed the door to keep the cold out. He rubbed his arms, looking disoriented almost.

"What are you doing here? Were you at work?"

Instead of answering, Jongin grabbed Chanyeol's hand and dragged him back to the bedroom, practically shoving Chanyeol onto the bed. Chanyeol's brain was still waking up as he watched Jongin start to strip down, the apron and his shirt thrown to the side before he began doing the same to Chanyeol.

"Wait, stop," said Chanyeol as his pants came off. He reached out for Jongin's hands and frowned a little when Jongin's head snapped up, something scared and lost reflected back at him. He didn't need to know more. "It's fine. Come here, slow down."

Nodding, Jongin allowed Chanyeol to guide him onto the bed. He laid down and ran a hand along Chanyeol's side as Chanyeol slipped his shirt off. He looked like he wanted to say something, but his lips were pressed together so tightly. Chanyeol didn't push him and leaned over to leave kisses along Jongin's shoulder and chest while he reached down to undo Jongin's jeans, slipping his hand inside.

The sound Jongin made ran all the way down Chanyeol's spine. It didn't take long for Jongin to grow hard and Chanyeol continued kissing his way down, getting Jongin completely naked by the time he was kneeling between Jongin's legs. He was eager to take Jongin into his mouth, to hear more of those sounds and know they were because of him.

Jongin did not disappoint him. He tried to muffle his moans, but Chanyeol reached up to pin his hands down to the bed. It was a power trip to have Jongin writhe under him, his voice catching when he whined out Chanyeol's name, and all from Chanyeol's mouth. When Jongin finally came Chanyeol let his hands go and they immediately went to Chanyeol's hair, holding Chanyeol down.

"Sorry," Jongin said when Chanyeol rose up, coughing a few times. But Chanyeol wasn't and said as much, covering Jongin's body with his as he curled his hand under Jongin's neck, thumb pressed behind Jongin's ear, and kissed him deep and slow.

Chanyeol was hard, but didn't want anything more than this right now. He kissed Jongin as if he wouldn't be able to breathe otherwise, even as his chest burned because he couldn't stop long enough to take a real breath. Jongin's eyes were out of focus when they finally did pull apart and Chanyeol brought his hand around to slide two fingers into Jongin's mouth.

He watched as if hypnotized and smoothed his thumb along Jongin's jaw, pressing down harder onto Jongin's tongue, deeper into that heat. Jongin stared right back and Chanyeol had a thousand things he wanted to say, but forgot all the words he needed to say them.

"Hyung," Jongin mumbled around Chanyeol's fingers. He reached between them and took Chanyeol in his hand, stroking clumsily. Suddenly, the need to be inside Jongin consumed Chanyeol and he rolled away to dig the lube from his suitcase, hurrying back.

If Chanyeol was hurried about prep, Jongin was near frantic. He rocked his hips onto Chanyeol's fingers and pushed them away after barely a few seconds, using his feet to pull Chanyeol on top and his hand to guide Chanyeol inside. He didn't let Chanyeol go slow, whining and arching his back as Chanyeol's hips pressed flush against him in one move. His breath came short and ragged after, but he insisted that Chanyeol not wait, to just go.

It was a blur. Chanyeol's muscles ached and his lungs couldn't get enough air. Below him, Jongin looked beautiful and devastating, his hair damp with sweat and matted to his forehead. He kissed Jongin again until he couldn't focus on anything else but chasing that pleasure coiling tight in his gut, barely managing to get a hand around Jongin to bring him off too.

After, they laid side by side, and Chanyeol feared there would be a chasm between them. But Jongin leaned over after catching his breath and brought their mouths together in a slow, undeniably sweet kiss that made Chanyeol's eyes sting.

When Chanyeol's stomach growled too loudly for either of them to ignore, they ordered in. Jongin got on his case for pouring sauce over the sweet and sour pork instead of dipping and laughed when Chanyeol dropped a piece, leaving a trail of stickiness down his chest. Chanyeol wondered how he could both erase and keep this moment with him forever.

They fucked three more times, less rushed, as if they could slow down time by slowing down themselves. The sky was clear when the moon rose late into the night and Chanyeol watched the way the light spilled across Jongin's body as he stared down at him, their hands clasped together while Chanyeol rode him, his movements a little awkward from being out of practice.

For a moment at the end, Chanyeol thought he saw a tear slide down Jongin's cheek, but he blinked and it was gone and Jongin sat up to brush his thumbs over Chanyeol's face and told him he looked beautiful.

The last bit of Chanyeol's heart still intact chipped and fell away.

+

The bed was empty next to Chanyeol the next morning, though he'd slept in quite a bit. He was still met with a rush of deja vu from the very first morning after. There was silence throughout the house this time however, not even the sound of the kitchen sink running or the kettle put on to boil.

Chanyeol put on a pair of boxers and a t-shirt and made a pit stop at the bathroom before venturing out. He didn't think Jongin had actually left, so he wasn't surprised to find him sitting at the dining table. What was unnerving was how still Jongin was and how he didn't even react when Chanyeol approached him.

In fact, Jongin startled when Chanyeol said his name quietly and his expression flickered as if slipping a mask on. He was smiling suddenly and got up, slipping by into the kitchen. He put the kettle on and took a mug out from the cupboard, emptying a packet of instant coffee into it.

"I thought you didn't drink coffee," said Chanyeol.

"I don't," said Jongin, as if Chanyeol already knew, which he did and that was why it was confusing. "It's for you."

Something in Chanyeol crumbled. He went over and turned the stove off.

"Why did you—" Jongin started to say, but Chanyeol wrapped him up into a tight hug. "Hyung?"

"Let's stop now," said Chanyeol and felt Jongin tense against him. "This is all I can do. I don't have anything else to give you."

Jongin was quiet, but nodded and hesitantly hugged Chanyeol back. "Sorry."

"There's nothing to be sorry for," said Chanyeol, pulling away and cradling Jongin's face in both hands. He kissed Jongin on the forehead. "You're wonderful."

Jongin inhaled shakily and stepped away. "You have to pack, right?" he said, looking anywhere but at Chanyeol. He turned the stove on again. "Let me just — it's not a big deal. I'll just make something. It's a long drive." He busied himself suddenly, going from the fridge to the cupboards, pulling out some eggs and other staples. Chanyeol opened his mouth to object, but Jongin pushed him out of the kitchen and he knew this was a battle that wasn't worth it.

There wasn't much for him to pack. He haphazardly rolled up whatever was still hanging in the closet and dumped it into his suitcase. He grabbed one clean outfit and took a quick shower, then brought his suitcase out and set it by the door just as Jongin set the table. Chanyeol sat down even though he had no appetite and covered his mouth when he saw what Jongin had made.

"You don't like it?" said Jongin, frowning. It wasn't a lot, just a few dishes, but it was so clearly prepared with care. The kind of care that Chanyeol couldn't handle seeing when he was about to leave.

Chanyeol shook his head and managed a small smile. "I like it. Thank you."

They ate in silence. Chanyeol finished everything even though he grew more nauseous with each bite.

"When do you have to leave?" said Jongin. Chanyeol was unsure whether he was asking because he wanted Chanyeol to go already or hoped he might be able to stay just a bit longer.

Chanyeol checked the time. It was almost one in the afternoon. "Soon, probably," he said, even though that was a lie. It only took a couple hours to drive back and his flight wasn't until the evening. He didn't know what Jongin wanted, but he needed to get out of there.

"Oh, okay." Jongin scratched his neck. "I won't keep you anymore then."

If Chanyeol had known that the real goodbye would feel this awful, he would've appreciated yesterday's a lot more and would've accepted it. Jongin hovered while he put his coat on. He grabbed his scarf and froze when he realized it was the one Jongin had gifted to him.

Before Chanyeol could get it together, Jongin took the scarf from him and helped put it on, the same careful, meticulous way as a few days before. His face was too close to Chanyeol's. All of him was too close. Jongin finished and smoothed the ends out, tucking them into Chanyeol's coat.

"It really does look good on you," said Jongin.

Chanyeol needed to leave before he had a breakdown. He stumbled back and grabbed his suitcase, suddenly in a hurry. "I should go," he said, avoiding Jongin's eyes.

When Chanyeol opened the door, Jongin grabbed his sleeve. "Bye, hyung," he said, almost inaudible. Chanyeol gave a tight smile and pulled his hand away.

"Bye."

Then he all but rushed out of the house, throwing his bags into the car and getting in. He could see Jongin in his peripheral, standing in the doorway, shoulders drawn up because of the cold. He reminded Chanyeol of a child in that moment, more vulnerable than Jihyo, but he pushed it away and started up the car.

He didn't look back as he drove away.

+

Chanyeol had barely driven a minute before his phone started ringing. It was a call from Sehun and he looked like he was rushing through somewhere. Chanyeol wasn't in the mood to talk though and ignored it, but Sehun just called again.

Chanyeol pulled over to the side. "I can't talk right now," he said the moment he picked up.

"Hyung!" Wherever Sehun was, there was a lot of background noise. "Are you still at Jongin's? Stay there!"

"What? No, I just left." Before Sehun could say something, an announcement blared through the speakers about a gate change. "Wait, are you at the airport?"

"Yeah!" Sehun angled the camera wider and Junmyeon came into view, waving. They were walking past what Chanyeol recognized now was the duty free shops. "Hey, don't leave today, we're going to — oh, hold on." Chanyeol watched as they entered a quieter area, a lounge he assumed, and found a place to sit. "Hyung, are you still there? Oh, you are, okay — change your flight, I'm coming back with Junmyeon-hyung."

"What?"

"I'm going to stay for a week, so move your flight to after New Year's."

"What?"

Sehun's face twisted up as if they were both speaking different languages. "Is the connection bad? I can hear you fine."

"What do you mean you're coming back with Junmyeon-hyung?"

"I mean we're getting on the same plane in an hour and I'm going to be in Seoul by tomorrow morning. Change your flight so you can spend another week with Jongin."

"I don't — I just left him."

"What do you mean 'left him'?"

"I left. I had to leave." Chanyeol pictured again Jongin watching him from the door and felt something ugly bubble up in his chest. He saw in the tiny video of himself in the corner his face start to crumble and that only made him more upset.

"Hyung, what — oh my god, are you crying? Shit, I don't know how to deal with this, uhhh."

Chanyeol was crying, the worst he's cried in a long time and he hated it because it made no sense. He wiped at his eyes angrily, but it made no difference.

"Is Chanyeol okay?" Junmyeon said, muted, and Chanyeol wondered how anyone who saw him right now could think he was okay in the slightest.

"I'm not," said Chanyeol, barely able to get those words out. He'd barely driven half a mile and was already having a nervous breakdown. How was he going to manage the two hours to the airport? The fourteen hours back to New York? "Fuck!"

"Is this about Jongin?"

Everything was about Jongin. But Jongin was someone he didn't even know existed a week ago. Jongin was someone who he said yes to sleeping with because he's said yes to sleeping with plenty of guys in the past and parted ways with them without a problem. It shouldn't leave him like this, lost and empty, like there was an ever expanding void in his chest.

"Hyung, if you don't want to leave him, then why are you leaving?"

Chanyeol laughed, weak and watery. "What else would I do?"

"Stay? Or figure something out?" Sehun looked kind of annoyed now. "I literally just told you I'm going back to Seoul with Junmyeon-hyung. What do think that means? You think I'm going just to see the sights that I've already seen a million times?"

"I don't know, maybe," said Chanyeol, like a sulking child.

Sehun sighed, looking only slightly constipated when he said, "I'm dating him."

That was enough to distract Chanyeol from his own misery. "How?"

Sehun rolled his eyes. "That's a stupid question and you should be embarrassed."

"You're just going to commute halfway across the world?"

"I can't believe you've been alive three entire decades, went to an ivy league, and your brain can't even solve this. Between the two of us, you're supposed to be Dumb and I'm Dumber."

"That still makes both of us dumb," said Chanyeol, earning his title.

"Not the point," said Sehun. "I really like Junmyeon-hyung—"

("Aw, thanks.")

"—and I don't know yet what exactly we're going to do, but when I hated the idea of him having to go home I fixed it by deciding I'd go with him for a bit. And we'll figure the rest out later. Stop being a crybaby and figure your shit out too."

"Being lectured by you is so fucking humiliating," said Chanyeol, which was to say he appreciated the kick in the ass.

Junmyeon suddenly ducked into the frame and put his mouth near Sehun's ear so the mic could pick up his voice. "Chanyeol, I don't know what's going on, but if you want to be serious about my brother, you have my blessing." Then he disappeared again, telling Sehun he saw them bring out a new batch of finger sandwiches.

"What else are you waiting for?" said Sehun, exasperated, slouching back in his seat. "You told me not to pull an A Walk to Remember, but you're acting awfully Notebook about this and I obviously mean the fight scene."

Chanyeol groaned and leaned against the steering wheel. "I hate this and I hate that you're using Sparks movies as an allegory for my life."

"That makes two of us."

"Okay," said Chanyeol, sitting up and rubbing his face. "All right."

"Go get your fucking love story, hyung."

Chanyeol laughed, much lighter than before. "I'm going to get my fucking love story." He made a u-turn to head back to the house, but immediately braked. "You've got to be kidding me."

"What?" said Sehun.

"Nothing, chickens," said Chanyeol, already turning off the car and unbuckling his seatbelt. "Call me when you land!"

"What? Did you say chickens? Hyung—"

Chanyeol hung up and got out of the car, almost not wanting to believe the sight in front of him. At least ten chickens wandering into the street, blocking the way. They were definitely from the neighboring farm, a mass breakout instead of the rogue one Chanyeol encountered his first morning here. "All right, okay," he said, hands on his hips. "You couldn't defeat me the first day, you're not going to defeat me now."

It was ridiculous that he was talking to them, but there were more important things he had to deal with. He broke out into a run, a few of the chickens clucking frantically as they moved out of the way.

Junmyeon's house just had to be up a hill, but Chanyeol pushed past the burn in his legs and lungs, practically sprinting down the road. A couple of old ladies were taking a mid-day walk and he flew by them, yelling an apology over his shoulder for scaring them.

He didn't slow even when he reached the house and just hoped Jongin hadn't locked the door after him. He grinned when the knob turned and he stumbled inside, kicking his shoes off. "Jongin?" The living and dining rooms were empty and Chanyeol went to the kitchen, but there was no one there either. The bedroom was the only place left, but he stopped at the end of the hallway when Jongin stepped into view.

Jongin looked terrible, his eyes red and swollen, clearly from crying, but something in Chanyeol was happy and relieved to see it. He took two, three large strides and gathered Jongin in his arms who clung to him just as hard.

"Sorry, sorry, I shouldn't have left like that," said Chanyeol, pressing his lips to Jongin's temple. He bent down a little so they were eye-level and brushed his thumbs across Jongin's cheeks. "I don't know if what I have to say is going to be ridiculous to you, but I just need to say it, okay?"

Jongin sniffled and nodded.

"I know we haven't known each for long, not even two weeks, and I'm not in love with you, but I think I could be. Really fast. And I know you have Jihyo and she's always going to come first, but I'm 100% okay with that. Remember when I said that I was still looking for that one thing that made me happy?"

"Oh my god," said Jongin, tearing up again and he covered his face with both hands. Chanyeol smiled.

"You're my one thing. You're the first thing I've felt good about in a long time and I don't want to lose that. You. So if you feel anywhere close to the same, then I want to figure out how to keep you. I want to try. I want everything too."

There wasn't much of a reaction from Jongin, which Chanyeol didn't know was good or bad, but finally he gave a small nod and hugged Chanyeol again, hiding his face against Chanyeol's neck.

With each passing second, Jongin solid and real against him, Chanyeol's chest filled with something warm and bright until it spilled over and filled every inch of him and he felt like he might fly.

+

Incheon International Airport was bustling as usual when the large sliding doors opened from baggage claim to the arrivals hall. Chanyeol pushed a trolley stacked with suitcases while Sehun followed behind with another.

"Do you see them?" said Sehun, both of them craning their heads.

"Oppa!" A blur of yellow came darting out and Chanyeol barely pushed the trolley out of the way of other passengers streaming out in time for him to stoop down and catch Jihyo in a bear hug, showering her in obnoxious butterfly kisses.

"Don't I get one too?" said Sehun and Jihyo switched over quickly to give him a hug as well.

Chanyeol stood up right as Jongin and Junmyeon reached them. It had only been a couple months since he was last here, but it had felt like years, and video calling just wasn't the same. "Hey," he said, pulling Jongin in.

"Hi."

"Missed you."

"Yeah."

Chanyeol snuck a discreet kiss to Jongin's cheek as he pulled back and took Junmyeon's hand, giving him a quick hug too before Sehun took up permanent residence as a human barnacle.

"Is this really the last of it?" said Junmyeon, looking at all their suitcases.

"Yeah," said Chanyeol, taking a deep breath. "Everything's here. Apartment 25C is someone else's now."

Six months after meeting Jongin and Junmyeon, after a lot of serious discussions with their parents and each other, Chanyeol and Sehun made the decision to pack up their lives in New York and move to Seoul. Sehun had brought it up first, surprising Chanyeol again with how serious and committed his relationship with Junmyeon was becoming.

"You want to move there?" Chanyeol had said, having known that eventually it would have to happen, but shocked that Sehun would suggest it in under a year.

"Yeah," Sehun had said, so easy that Chanyeol was envious. "Why not? I can be a stuck-up venture capitalist anywhere and with your resume, there's no way you won't get a job."

"You're ready to move already?"

"Sure. Wouldn't you? For them?"

In a heartbeat, Chanyeol had realized. That was three months ago and now, as autumn descended upon Seoul, Chanyeol and Sehun were here. Chanyeol's last day in the office had been over four weeks ago but had felt like just the other day, the time in between having been a blur of packing and sending some things off to be shipped over. They had also found an apartment in the city, one with enough bedrooms in case Junmyeon, Jongin, and Jihyo all wanted to visit at the same time. It was just temporary, for a year or so, both for Chanyeol and Sehun to properly settle in and to keep from rushing things with them.

Except Chanyeol had already drunkenly confessed to Sehun last month that he would sign the adoption papers for Jihyo tomorrow if Jongin asked. But there was nothing wrong with being cautious.

"Come on, our uncle has the van waiting," said Junmyeon, acting pretty casual for someone who had Sehun draped over his shoulders.

"Do you want to ride on the trolley?" said Chanyeol, already picking Jihyo up and setting her on top of the suitcases. "Are you excited to see oppa's apartment? There's a huuuge playground in the neighborhood."

"Yeah!"

"Stop, I look like such a bad guy next to you," said Jongin, keeping a hand on Jihyo's back as they made their way out. "You have to stop spoiling her."

"Should I spoil you more instead?" said Chanyeol, hip checking Jongin. "My one thing?"

Jongin rolled his eyes, but the sudden pink in his cheeks was hard to miss even under the harsh fluorescent lights outside. "Worry about yourself first. You still need to get a job. I'm not supporting you."

"Yessir!"

Employment wasn't really at the top of the list. Jihyo was going to start school next year and Chanyeol was already researching the best primary schools in the city, having compiled a top three list. Along with those was a list of new apartment buildings that would be ready for move in at the same time. One of them had a fitness studio on the third floor that Chanyeol was already planning to ask if it could be rented out just in case someone might want to use it as a dance studio on weekends instead.

But that was all a much larger conversation for later.

What mattered now was this. After months of running toward Jongin, he was finally here. He put his hand over Jongin's as they pushed the trolley together, ready to go home.


End file.
